Problem son (sorry long)

karen310

Steel wrote: »

For me, the test of whether someone has any money is whether they are smoking and/or drinking? When your son is claiming poverty, is he doing so with a stash of fags and booze on him?

You are right about him being appreciative when you help him out. He's training you. If he's only nice to you when he wants someone and horrid the rest, sooner or later you'll start doing things for him so you get your nice boy appreciative boy.

Well done for refusing to have him back home. Do not bail him out any more. You only have his word for that story about someone coming to get you if he didn't leave. Quite frankly, he could have concocted a fairy story to get you to help him. He has done that before with his 'job', getting you to lend him money for work and then finding out he didn't have one any more at the time.

The only way he will make better decisions about his life is if he has to live with the consequences of his bad decisions.

Well I think I have been trained beautifully
As for the money aspect , he never really drank much , so unless things have changed that wouldnt be an issue , not too sure he would be without fags though

karen310

eco wrote: »

Thought I'd add my two penneth, my brother treated my mum in just the same way, he always needed money and said he'd pay it back, and never did, well it wasn't hi fault he'd run out was it? he worked full time would give my mum board then borrow it back by Sunday, he eventually left when he was 19, but was always buying things from catalogues and my mum would end up paying it back cos he didn't have the money. Nothing was his fault either.

Me and my Sisters weren't allowed to treat my mum like this, think she'd well and truly had enough of that kind of behaviour. It was only after she'd bailed him out cos he hadn't paid his CT and he was going to court I told her if she gave him another penny I'd take her bank stuff off her and she'd get spend. It didn't matter how many times we told her he'd be back for more she'd insist it was the last time.

In a way my mum was lucky when she became ill with cancer my brother doesn't like been around people who are ill,(he lived about 2 miles away) she hardly saw him, he rarely rang her to ask how she was, and when she did die he thought he was going to be the executor of the will, which came as a bit of a shock when he found out it was me and my sis, he'd promised to help sort stuff out but as soon as that bomb shell was dropped we didn't see him either.

Over the years we told her to stop baling him out, as it should make him stand on his own 2 feet instead of constantly propping himself up on someone else, but she was too soft. Mum died 8 years ago and he has had to look after himself it's come years too late tho every now and then he tries the tales on me and my sis and while we'll help if we can we don't give him money. By making your son act like an adult now could save you years of pain, wish my mum had done it.

Thanks for your reply , it has given me more to think about , sorry to hear about your mum.

Fang_3

samandona wrote: »

And there was me thinking I had upset you! Damn, now I feel a fool.

Nothing upsets me. I have a heart of stone.:D

beginningtohatexmas

Karen - have pm'd you, hope your ok

eco

karen310 wrote: »

Thanks for your reply , it has given me more to think about , sorry to hear about your mum.

Thanks about my mum karen, she was a good mum just liked a quiet life and by doing so let my brother walk all over her. I've been thinking of this all day and I just don't get how some people think it's ok and there right to take money and abuse there family.

My brother actually sneers at me and my younger sis cos we have our own houses and save money, he thinks you earn and should spend it, it's a different story when he's run, then he thinks you shouldn't have a problem lending him money cos he needs it, if you have to do with out well that's not his problem.

I hope your son doesn't turn out like my selfish brother, but by taking steps now you might just avoid all this, sometimes a bit of tough love actually makes some stop and think.