Problem son (sorry long)

beginningtohatexmas

are your sure ours are not joined at the hip!?! had a txt from mine saying he is picking up rest of stuff he wants and needs his bank book as he has rent to pay.
I though he has staying with mates - dont know if rent is to them - for obvious reasons for me I am always concerned at the thought of where any money mine has has come from - but also need to step back.
god I hope these lads start to wake up and find their way in the world.
Hope it goes ok when he comes round karen.

choille

Hope it goes okay - He'll maybe be well behaved if a stranger is present, but if he's coming for beds etc he'll need something bigger than a car & possibly a pair of extra hands?

karen310

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

are your sure ours are not joined at the hip!?! had a txt from mine saying he is picking up rest of stuff he wants and needs his bank book as he has rent to pay.
I though he has staying with mates - dont know if rent is to them - for obvious reasons for me I am always concerned at the thought of where any money mine has has come from - but also need to step back.
god I hope these lads start to wake up and find their way in the world.
Hope it goes ok when he comes round karen.

Thanks , I will be glad when he has been , have similar worries re mine if the truth be known , but like you , I need to let him get on with it
Maybe they're shacking up together !

karen310

choille wrote: »

Hope it goes okay - He'll maybe be well behaved if a stranger is present, but if he's coming for beds etc he'll need something bigger than a car & possibly a pair of extra hands?

Yes maybe the plumber being here is a blessing ! How he gets his stuff wherever he is going is not my problem , he must have something in mind

choille

When I left home I wouldn't have taken 'my bed'. I wouldn't really have considered it 'mine', but maybe that's how things are these days.

Try to get a good sleep - pleased your heating is being looked at.

ceecaw

You must be a very strong person. You say you hope your son returns one day. you have made it clear to him not to return, when he gets the message that you really mean it, he may never come back.

Primrose

Frankly after the way he has treated you, I'd be tempted to tell him that he can't have the bed because you paid for it and it's needed for your new lodger.

karen310

ceecaw wrote: »

You must be a very strong person. You say you hope your son returns one day. you have made it clear to him not to return, when he gets the message that you really mean it, he may never come back.

You think ?

He finally came about an hour ago (texted first)Took his clothes , was very polite , says he has a flat , doesnt need his bed , but asked could he take bedding and telly etc , I have no problem with that. I asked if he wanted some food to take , I gave him some staple bits to be going on with and basic kitchen stuff. He says he has a chance of a job and will pay back what he owes me when he can. He was not in his car , hopefully no longer driving it . I think it is at his girlfriends , his friend gave him a lift with all his stuff. He said thanks again , see you soon.
I am sitting here tears pouring down my face , but I know its a good outcome , probably the best in the circumstances.
I hope the message he "gets" is that he needs to now stand on his own 2 feet , earn a living , stick to a job , support himself now and that I do love him and one day we can build bridges.

beginningtohatexmas

Karen, he will come back - may not be to live, but to have a mature adult relationship with you as his mum - thats the message I have from others that have been in a similar situation and come out the other side - thats the message I am clinging to as well.
He said thanks and has taken his stuff without being abusive or displaying any of the behaviour that brought things to this situation - thats why you feel guilty - your son is still there under the 'idiotic behaviour' behaviour he has displayed recently, take heart from that - you have done a good job.
hark at me! mine hasn't even turned up to get his stuff yet - said it would be today but who knows - dont think he will be saying thanks as he walks off - we are still at the serious attitude stage - god knows when it will end - but couple of glasses of wine has taken the edge off tonight!!!!!

thorsoak

Want to show both you two brave ladies some support - you are both doing remarkably well - I've been there - and 15 years down the line we now have a wonderful relationship with DS No 3. Hang on in there - tough love is tough on the giver as well as the receiver!

I'd send you hugs - but then you might get a present from me - kindly donated by No 3 son at Christmas - the most almighty cough & cold! Now that present I could have done without!