Problem son (sorry long)

karen310

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I agree that it would be great if he got into a foyer, but he won't last long there either if he doesn't ditch the attitude. Actually he won't last long in a hostel either, he'll find there are rules wherever he goes, and if he doesn't stick to them, landlord / agencies are a lot less tolerant than you.

But that is not YOUR problem. Change your SIM, and stop answering his texts when there's nothing you can say.

I think he would probably be different for someone else , the attitude is mostly for me , other people see a different side to him , neighbours etc always say how pleasant and well mannered and helpful he is. He and I have had a good relationship at times but sadly this has gone for now. Maybe rules that he has no chance to bend without consequences i.e. in a hostel or foyer will be the making of him , I have obviously allowed myself to be manipulated , I dont think he would be so brave/stupid with others (at least I hope not)

beginningtohatexmas

hi Karen,
well done today, I know how hard it has been. I have just had the luxury of a week while ds has been with his father and having that space has enabled me to think alot clearer.
He came back today - though not to mine - apparently saying he is not speaking to me until he gets an apology ........... when this first started I dont think it would have taken much for me to be taken in by his twisted reality and apologise - not now ( I hope).
All I can suggest is try and find a way to give yourself some breathing space - can you stay at your partners for a while?
keep going - I'm taking strength from your example!

candygirl

karen310 wrote: »

I think he would probably be different for someone else , the attitude is mostly for me , other people see a different side to him , neighbours etc always say how pleasant and well mannered and helpful he is. He and I have had a good relationship at times but sadly this has gone for now. Maybe rules that he has no chance to bend without consequences i.e. in a hostel or foyer will be the making of him , I have obviously allowed myself to be manipulated , I dont think he would be so brave/stupid with others (at least I hope not)

God this bit sounds just like my DD, so well mannered and charming to everyone else, but soo manipulative and unreasonable with me at times:mad::mad::mad:

karen310

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

hi Karen,
well done today, I know how hard it has been. I have just had the luxury of a week while ds has been with his father and having that space has enabled me to think alot clearer.
He came back today - though not to mine - apparently saying he is not speaking to me until he gets an apology ........... when this first started I dont think it would have taken much for me to be taken in by his twisted reality and apologise - not now ( I hope).
All I can suggest is try and find a way to give yourself some breathing space - can you stay at your partners for a while?
keep going - I'm taking strength from your example!

Glad you have had time to think while he has been away. They make you laugh dont they , the way they can end up making us feel guilty enough at times to even apologise to them ! I only seem to have had apologies from him when I have brought it up , an easy word to say isnt it , but harder to prove it with actions.
I am going to have some days off from work , I dont think I would be much use there anyway at the moment , hopefully that will give me some breathing space. I need to get my heating sorted anyway and would have needed time off for that , probably a new system , but my mum will help me out and I will repay her when I finally sell my house. I cant sell it like this , and it is not easy living in it either while it is so cold , so not really much chance to get over to my partners at least in the early part of the week. If it was warmer here I would get stuck into house type of jobs to distract me , as it is I am staying in one room with a heater and the dogs !!
Hard to imagine myself being an example to anyone at the moment , I cry when I speak to anyone on the phone , it is hard being strong , I am just hoping he got to the hostel , I know its up to him , but I really hope he is there.

Blackpool_Saver

my son switched his phone off tonight and wont tell me where he is staying..... this was because I wanted him to wear a warm jacket and not leave the house with no money, he got so mad at me for caring about him that he smashed a light switch up.......

simone83

when I was 16, I was an awful person. my mum kicked me out at 16 and 3 days and it was the best thing she ever did!!!

We dont speak now, but I learnt a lot in the last 10 years - putting a roof over your head and food in your belly really does make you understand what you need in life and that the rest of it is a front for everyone else.

Good luck to you Mums out there and I hope you sleep well.

By the way, I did applogise to my Mum, but 10 years later she still doesnt speak to me - that woman could hold a grudge for England!!!

LilacPixie

Might be a silly question but how does he keep his car in fuel, insurance/tax if not working?? Is it really his car or is it in your name??

karen310

LilacPixie wrote: »

Might be a silly question but how does he keep his car in fuel, insurance/tax if not working?? Is it really his car or is it in your name??

He taxed it when he had a job a month or two ago. His ins ran out at the end of Dec , He told me in one of the many texts a few days ago that "he was sleeping in a car with no ins and no petrol". Thankfully he cant drive it with no petrol in it , I am assuming it is parked up somewhere. It is registered in his name , I had nothing to do with the purchase of it/loan etc , in fact myself and many others advised him not to buy it.

karen310

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

my son switched his phone off tonight and wont tell me where he is staying..... this was because I wanted him to wear a warm jacket and not leave the house with no money, he got so mad at me for caring about him that he smashed a light switch up.......

Hug to you , real charmers arent they :mad:

karen310

simone83 wrote: »

when I was 16, I was an awful person. my mum kicked me out at 16 and 3 days and it was the best thing she ever did!!!

We dont speak now, but I learnt a lot in the last 10 years - putting a roof over your head and food in your belly really does make you understand what you need in life and that the rest of it is a front for everyone else.

Good luck to you Mums out there and I hope you sleep well.

By the way, I did applogise to my Mum, but 10 years later she still doesnt speak to me - that woman could hold a grudge for England!!!

Thanks for that Simone , I hope my son (and all these other problem offspring) can look back at this with your positivity one day.