Problem son (sorry long)

paddy's_mum

Okay - tripped up by my own temper.

Apologies to mumslave that my perception was awry and I unreservedly withdraw any criticism now that I see the context.

However, I maintain that those you love can indeed be the enemy since it is our very love for them that gives them the weapons to wound us. Most people respond to love by loving in return. It is a sad fact of life that a few make whipping boys of those that love them but cannot give you a good reason why they behave so cruelly. In those cases, your only defence is to refuse to go along with it and that's what you're doing - hard though I know it is.

I think it very revealing - and hopefully reinforces your own courage - that all your other children agree with the course you are now taking. Your son will hopefully one day realise that he was being given a lot of love and work hard to rekindle it.

If it's of any reassurance to you, many folk have to grow up and wise up before they allow the good in them to "rise to the top of the milk" as it were. I hope your son is one of them.

Savvy_Sue

karen310 wrote: »

I am on pins as the evenings get later , will he begin ringing like the other night , or come to the house

PLEASE get into the habit of switching your phone off - find a trigger point for when you do it, when you make your last drink of the evening, when you clean your teeth, something completely unconnected to him. And just do it. You can't stop him coming to the house, but your phone is something you can control.

And if that makes him turn up, call the police. Please.

If they have to arrest him, at least you'll know he's in the warm!

karen310

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

PLEASE get into the habit of switching your phone off - find a trigger point for when you do it, when you make your last drink of the evening, when you clean your teeth, something completely unconnected to him. And just do it. You can't stop him coming to the house, but your phone is something you can control.

And if that makes him turn up, call the police. Please.

If they have to arrest him, at least you'll know he's in the warm!

I know that makes sense , my partner tells me the same too. I will definitely call the police if he turns up anyway after the aggression the other morning too. It was a quiet night anyway thankfully , and judging by the snow that arrived during the night I am guessing he was somewhere warm. Whilst I am glad he wasnt out in this , nothing is being resolved (at least in my head) ie he is not in a hostel , foyer etc. His choice I know and beyond my contol , but I think if I knew he was somewhere "proper" I could handle it better.
On a different note , the plumber rang at 7.30 to say he cant get his van of his estate due to the snow , hopefully can come tomorrow , so another day with my plug in radiator

Essex_Maid

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

my son switched his phone off tonight and wont tell me where he is staying..... this was because I wanted him to wear a warm jacket and not leave the house with no money, he got so mad at me for caring about him that he smashed a light switch up.......

This is so sad. You cann't be tough with him - then treat him like a baby. Please you have got to be consistant,

Blackpool_Saver

Essex_Maid wrote: »

This is so sad. You cann't be tough with him - then treat him like a baby. Please you have got to be consistant,

not sure what you mean, essex maid, sorry to do this on your thread Karen.

karen310

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

not sure what you mean, essex maid, sorry to do this on your thread Karen.

I know it baffled me too.

Blackpool_Saver

Perhaps I am supposed to let him leave the house in a thin jacket, in snow, with no money and no charged up phone,with a bad cough on antibiotics. Sounds like a plan. NOT.

karen310

Well after a few quiet days I have had a text saying he is coming for some stuff tonight and will text me when. I texted back ok. He then texted that he will be taking his bed apart and coming for "the big stuff" tomorrow (telly etc I assume). I take it from this that he has arrange some accomadation , although I cant imagine how or with what , however I know I cant interfere or I will be back to square one. I hope this all goes as smoothly as possible and is a good outcome.

Blackpool_Saver

karen310 wrote: »

Well after a few quiet days I have had a text saying he is coming for some stuff tonight and will text me when. I texted back ok. He then texted that he will be taking his bed apart and coming for "the big stuff" tomorrow (telly etc I assume). I take it from this that he has arrange some accomadation , although I cant imagine how or with what , however I know I cant interfere or I will be back to square one. I hope this all goes as smoothly as possible and is a good outcome.

So do I, many hugs to you ...

karen310

Had more contact , as in a text saying he will come tomorrow to empty his room. He also had a brief contact with his elder sister on facebook saying he is moving into a flat tomorrow. God knows how or where , but I cant dwell on that. Should be a strange day tomorrow as the plumber will also be here (at last) to finally, I hope , fix my damn heating.