Problem son (sorry long)

Steel_2

He's an adult, a man, and when he gets caught by the police they're not going to accept 'my mum made me do it' as a reason. You're not to blame. It's time he grew up.

Has he still got his keys?

As a stop gap until the locks are changed, put the spare keys to both doors in the locks and turn them 90 degrees. That will block the locks and prevent them being opened from the inside, but of course that is only if you are in the house. He will still be able to access the door you lock behind you when you leave.

Can your partner nip to B&Q and get new locks and fit them over the next couple days?

karen310

Sagaris wrote: »

Try not to feel too bad, he's trying to make you feel guilty by turning it all round on you.

Hopefully this will be the jolt he needs to get him back on the straight and narrow - if he is driving an uninsured car he will probably get picked up by the police (there's always lots of them about on New Years Eve to catch the drink drivers). No one to blame but himself, IMO. You have done everything you can - the ball is in his court now.

Thanks , I appreciate that , I am just sitting here not doing anything at the moment , not sure what to do really , nothing I suppose its up to him now.

karen310

Steel wrote: »

He's an adult, a man, and when he gets caught by the police they're not going to accept 'my mum made me do it' as a reason. You're not to blame. It's time he grew up.

Has he still got his keys?

As a stop gap until the locks are changed, put the spare keys to both doors in the locks and turn them 90 degrees. That will block the locks and prevent them being opened from the inside, but of course that is only if you are in the house. He will still be able to access the door you lock behind you when you leave.

Can your partner nip to B&Q and get new locks and fit them over the next couple days?

I think my partner is on his way to B&Q before he comes here.

Sagaris

karen310 wrote: »

Thanks , I appreciate that , I am just sitting here not doing anything at the moment , not sure what to do really , nothing I suppose its up to him now.

You do nothing! You have done more than enough for him so far, and been far more tolerant that many would have been under those circumstances.

Just enjoy the peace while it lasts, above all get the locks changed - there's no telling what might happen if the house is left unattended if he still has a way of getting in.

Well done so far - keep it up!

Lara44

Sorry to hear about the situation, it's no fun to be dealing with all that, especially around christmas. Omg though, I can't believe he's tried to turn it all around on you, *don't* even waste a second worrying about it - you are obviously a very caring Mum and have done the right thing.

beginningtohatexmas

Karen,
I am going through a very similar thing at the mo with my 18yr old ds - have a thread on here somewhere.
everything is entirely my fault, I have put him in this position, etc, etc
one minute i'm feeling strong, the next i'm a worried wreck. When I actually lay eyes on him - not since xmas day - I just feel angry. I recieved a text today asking me to do some washing for him - on questioning this I got a load of abuse on how he has nothing to apologise for.
Pm me if you need to talk to someone having the similar issues at the same time - I know it would help me! maybe we can talk sense into eachother at the weak moments

LegalBlonde

well done Karen you are being really strong what you need to do now is CHANGE THE LOCKS PROPERLY and turn up your TV if you are in when he comes round. Him turning it all on you, saying he is sick but then being okay enough to get up and drive off is just taking the pi** now, it is all very well saying make it up with each other etc and I would usually say life is too short but in this case he needs to learn the hard way - time for tough love.

If your partner can do it change the locks now. If it needs to be done professionaly take a deep breath and get it done on Monday.

If you mentioned to him that the locks were changed (I think you did in text) and he got in anyway, he won't believe a word you say and will just keep pushing it.

Good luck x

karen310

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

Karen,
I am going through a very similar thing at the mo with my 18yr old ds - have a thread on here somewhere.
everything is entirely my fault, I have put him in this position, etc, etc
one minute i'm feeling strong, the next i'm a worried wreck. When I actually lay eyes on him - not since xmas day - I just feel angry. I recieved a text today asking me to do some washing for him - on questioning this I got a load of abuse on how he has nothing to apologise for.
Pm me if you need to talk to someone having the similar issues at the same time - I know it would help me! maybe we can talk sense into eachother at the weak moments

Read your thread earlier this week and did not want to hijack it , but felt for you as I know what you are going through. When I read back through this thread I get strong , but then I think " god its new years eve , where is he , is he clod , hungry , arrested" , then I weaken , even though I know I musnt. Will pm you tomorrow for a dose of sense x

homeaway

You are not alone,my son turns 19 in Feb and has two more years to go at school, (they let them redo a year here) he has to pass this year or he will be kicked out. I think that some young men just mature a lot later than others and have to do things the hard way. It is so hard for us to sit there and watch them make mistakes and not listen to us but i believe in the end they will get there. We are having a big talk with our son this weekend to try and see what he wants to do, but in all honesty i think that some teenagers know how to talk the talk but not walk the walk and the only way they will learn is through life . I know what you have done is hard and you son is trying to blame you for what happens but i believe this is just a way of hiding from taking responsibility for himself and his actions. It is not an easy situation for you to be in but at some stage we have to stop being doormats for our own sanity,he is a young man and has to find his own way in life. I wish you all the best and hope for all of us that our young men find some maturity this year. Take care.

sp1987

Don't blame yourself for his action/inaction, whatever guilt trip he tries to pull. You have other children who do not steal from each other or treat you like dirt, so obviously something aside from how he has been raised.

If he has chosen to go and drive an uninsured car (on new years eve, though that makes no odds barring there are more people out and more police to catch him) knowingly then that says a lot about him, not you. What a thoughtless t***. I hope he is not as poor a driver as he is disrespectful, putting other people's property and safety at risk.

The problem is you said you had changed the locks and you had not, just bolted the door. You now look like someone who cannot possibly follow through on anything. I know this was not your intention but that is why he will keep trying to walk over you. He played sick in bed when told to leave? That is one step above pretending to be asleep hoping you won't have to go to school, isn't it?

Change the locks properly and tell him when he can come and collect his things. If he is any sort of a man he will either sort himself out an alternative place to stay or grovel to come back with you, either way a solution can be found then.