Problem son (sorry long)

thorsoak

I agree with the others - put his belongings in black binliners, on the step and CHANGE THE LOCKS!

You have other children too - you could risk alienating them - who would appear to be doing well in their own ways - you say you have grandchildren - how do they feel about you giving him so many chances/favours?

It is time for tough love - he has to grow up and accept that with rights come responsibilities - and he is responsible for the position he finds himself in - no job, no money, no family - he can turn it round - but he has to do it - not you!

Paparika

Same as others have advised, change the locks, bag up his things.

He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, there will be no respect or love for you whilst he is like this. He needs to be allowed to become a man before you get your son back.

Right now he see's you as a safety net, so he has no need to fend for himself.....

kelloggs36

I agree - if you read my thread 'what is a reasonable amount' you will see similarities between your son and my daughter! My DD has run up debts and whilst she is currently at uni, she informs me that she intends to come home to live for a paltry £80 per month all in! You and I both need the strength to say 'no' and take action to ensure that they do not take the pee any longer. The 'children' are acting exactly like spoilt brats and we must not allow that to continue by giving in to any of their demands. Be strong, and try to have a discussion with him - ie allow him one more chance to prove he can get his act together, but he can't have an indefinate time to do it. If he refuses to enter into discussion, either retrieve the key or get the locks changed next time he is out. Good luck.

red_devil

its very sad most of the stress in our lives is caused by other people what they do or dont do!

You need to think of you and your happiness and sanity its not always easy though when its family granted. Dosent sound like you are getting much from the relationship with your son at the moment.

space_rider

I would have to change the locks. You are not doing him any favours by looking after him.

BitterAndTwisted

If he won't or can't have an adult face-to-face discussion about what your rules are for him living at home then you need to put it in writing. Explain to him that your responsibilities for supporting him are ending and that he needs to find work or start a claim for JSA and live like an adult now. If he's not prepared to do that or discuss it with you like an adult then he is no longer welcome to parasite off you.

You must be absolutely clear about what you expect from him and also to be crystal-clear about what the consequences will be if he does not AND FOLLOW THEM THROUGH. Do not waver or he'll be walking all over you until Doomsday

karen310

Thanks to everyone for your replies , fairly unanimous and I do know what needs to be done. Cant really write much at this moment as I am in work and can only really lurk , and have a viewer coming to see my house tonight (been up for sale for 18 months now). So also have that hanging over me too , but tomorrow the decisive action needs to begin. New Year , new start , for him too , I realise I am not helping him in the long run. By the way he totally ignored my text last night and has not been home again.

BitterAndTwisted

Lovey, if he refuses to come back home you could consider packing up his stuff and tell him you're doing it. This might prompt him into action of some sort. All of us have a tendency to ignore the things we don't want to face but face them we must in the end. Good luck!

Mips

He's a young lad probably getting carried away with his friends over Christmas and going out etc etc..

.. you should try and have a heart to heart with him, tell him you will help him as much as you can but you want him to meet you half way.

He doesn't sound unlike many other 19yr old lads to be honest - and you are doing this without a man around. Many lads will do what a father figure says.

I hope you get this sorted out

thorsoak

Dippychick wrote: »

He's a young lad probably getting carried away with his friends over Christmas and going out etc etc..

No - he's being doing this for a long time "He left school with no qualifications and by this time had managed to allienate himself from his brothers and sisters by stealing money off them (at one time we even had locks on bedroom doors personal safes etc which he broke into !)"

.. you should try and have a heart to heart with him, tell him you will help him as much as you can but you want him to meet you half way.

She's already gone done that route "I have always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt , but on one occasion he was actually caught stealing here so I took him myself to the police station."

He doesn't sound unlike many other 19yr old lads to be honest - and you are doing this without a man around. Many lads will do what a father figure says.

99% of most 19 yr old lads do not behave like this - it is just not acceptable behaviour.

I hope you get this sorted out

As do we all.