Rant about unsuitable xmas gifts

bundly

aliasojo wrote: »

My problem is that they are now treating my daughter in the same way and have given my daughter some Xmas presents which I feel are much more suitable for a 16+ year old at least. (I opened them AND REWRAPPED THEM

You should smile and thank them for the gifts and say you are going to put them away in a drawer and give them to your D when she is mature enough for them......

jamespir

Zazen999 wrote: »

No she hasn't, she has taken the role of responsible parent. If only more parents cared about what was going on with their kids, then the world would be a better place.

its not responsible it hypocritical she teaches her daughter not lie and decieve and she done just that

seven-day-weekend

jamespir wrote: »

i18 rated dvd =no 18 rated game id let them play it with my supervision and explain that its only a game and not a basis on real life


but if you lie to her (and you already have ) she's bound to find out

would you be happy if she went through your presents no you'd be pretty cheesed off

I've not lied to anyone (neither afaik has the OP).

When my son was small, if there were innappropriate activities he wanted to go to, innappropriate videos to watch, or he was given innapropriate presents, I and/or my would say no and explain that we felt they were not suitable for him until he was older.

I would never let him watch an 18-rated programme,when he was too young even with my supervision. I would tell him it was too scary, or not suitable for children his age. My husband would do the same. (Not so many games then, but the same would apply). Sometimes if he was say, ten and the video was a twelve, I and/or my husband would watch it first and then decide whether it was suitable.

There was never a problem.

seven-day-weekend

jamespir wrote: »

i18 rated dvd =no 18 rated game id let them play it with my supervision and explain that its only a game and not a basis on real life


but if you lie to her (and you already have ) she's bound to find out

would you be happy if she went through your presents no you'd be pretty cheesed off

So you'd be happy for them to do other 18-rated activities like go to a strip club, drink whisky or have sex, as long as it was with your supervision?

It's about protecting children from things they are too young to handle.

jamespir

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

So you'd be happy for them to do other 18-rated activities like go to a strip club, drink whisky or have sex, as long as it was with your supervision?

It's about protecting children from things they are too young to handle.

thats just stupid

seven-day-weekend

jamespir wrote: »

thats just stupid

No, the priincipal is exactly the same - protecting young children from things that are innapropriate to their age.

Lunar_Eclipse

jamespir wrote: »

you really have no life if you feel the need to unwrap your daughters presents and then rewrap them cause you might not like whats inside your not thinking about your daughter your thinking about yourself

at the end of the day the daughters freinds have brought her a present and you say thank you and leave it at that if you dont you risk alienating your daughter and her freinds

Come on folks, I actually thought James made a fair and funny point.:D

I know a lot of Mums who are very (too?) involved in their children's lives, because they have a lot (too much) time on their hands. Rather that way than the other with little or no parental involvement, but I chuckled at his comment. My parents had absolutely no time whatsoever for spending time worrying about such things.

I know for sure in the OP's situation that I would not accidentally on purpose cause damage to the gift, or make excuses for not exchanging gifts in the future. My greater concern would be this child's influence on my child.

I also don't like the comments I've read generally, about controlling children. Maybe it's just an unfortunate turn of phrase, because it's so completely ineffective on the majority of children in the long term, even if it does make parenting easier whilst kids are living at home.

Dormouse

aliasojo wrote: »

Well after mulling it over for a few days, I've decided what I'm going to do. Although I appreciate everyone's replies, I don't feel comfortable with the suggestions that I allow my daughter to have/use 'whatever' only in the house. To my mind, she is either allowed something or she's not, you can't be allowed something 'a wee bit' iyswim. I think as soon as you do the 'wee bit' of something, you've already stepped on that path and if you've allowed it at all, you've given the message that it's ok.

Again, using FCUK as an example......if you don't agree with the branding on principle (examples below taken from Wiki).....

French Connection exploited the controversy of the name, producing an extremely popular range of t-shirts with messages such as "fcuk fashion", "fcuk this", "hot as fcuk", "mile high fcuk", "too busy to fcuk", "lucky fcuk", "Fun Comes Usually Kneeling", "fcuk on the beach", Cool as fcuk, etc. There were also a number of regionally specific messages, such as "fondle constantly until knackered" (in the UK), "fcuk in hull" ,"no fcukin worries" (in Australia) and "fcuk off". "Chugging the fcuk" and "Munching on fcuk" were popular shirt titles.

............. then would you still think ok it to to put in the dressing up box? Or only wear in the house? I wouldn't. This is a good example of a clear cut, 'either allowed it or not' item in my mind. Anything which I feel is extremely 'tarty' or 'sexual' doesn't have a place in my daughter's life at age 10 so I can't allow it 'sometimes' otherwise I would feel I was compromising my principles and taking the easy route for a quiet life rather than the tougher route of making the sometimes unpopular type of decision I associate with being a good parent.

I think kids need clear dividing lines so they always know what you will allow and what you wont, doing something 'a little' bit' or 'only at certain times' leaves room for interpretation imo and pretty soon you'll fall foul of the 'well I've already done it/used it/ worn it then so why can't I do it now' type of argument. Worse still is if they get more bolshie and decide to sneak 'whatever' out of the house to use/wear at other times. (Memories from my own childhood surfacing -sorry Mum :D.)

I'm going to let her open the presents so she can see what they were and then I'm going to take the most unsuitable one(s) off her after discussing why I feel they are inappropriate. She already understands there is a difference between the way we raise her and the way her friend is raised so I dont think it will come as too much of a shock to her. Whether she understands enough to be happy about it or not is a different matter. I've already found out about the nail thing as suggested by JTW and there is a place local (ish) to us who can issue a fancy gift voucher so I'm going to have that ready to suggest as a replacement treat for when I take the other thing off her. She's quite 'girly' so I think she'd really like that better anyway tbh.

I also want to say that my thoughts above are only that....my thoughts. I'm happy I'm doing the right thing for us, that doesn't mean everyone should parent the same way and we all need to make choices we feel comfortable with. Thanks again for all your thoughts. I hope your Christmas present opening is calm and peaceful.

I think that's the right decision, Alias. If the item really is as clear-cut as the FCUK example :eek:, then yes, I can totally see where you're coming from.

And what is it with t-shirts with slogans? :rolleyes: Not just Playboy and stuff - I used to not let DSs wear tops they were given along the lines of, "Here comes trouble", or "I'm just back from the naughty step!" as I didn't feel I wanted a 2-yr-old labelled in such a way, even jokingly. Maybe I'm over-contolling, but ha, if the child is 2, I decide what they wear! :rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

I don't like those slogans on teeshirts for children either.

aliasojo

jamespir wrote: »

you've edited your post is see i have kids and i know about parenting and if you dont like ,my comments tough


ive not made them personal ive simply pointed out youve deceived your daughter by going through her presents thats wrong

My edit was because I made a comment about you having issue with something I said elsewhere previously. I felt your comments were personal and I suggested it might be better if you put me on ignore.

I then removed that comment because I felt it served no purpose other than to inflame things further.

Btw....comments like 'you have no life......etc' are personal.

And at what point have I lied to my daughter? I would like you to answer that question specifically please.

Edited to add: Actually I'd like to know how I deceived her too? The definition of deceive is 'To cause to believe what is not true; mislead '

So how does unwrapping and rewrapping a present = deceiving someone?

I find your views to be quite immature and naive tbh.