Rant about unsuitable xmas gifts

bundly

"would you be happy if she went through your presents no you'd be pretty cheesed off"

jamespir seems to be under the illusion that parents and children are equals. This attitude is one of the things that has made today's kids so out-of-control, unruly, cheeky and uncontrollable.

Someone has to be the parent, and to most intellligent people, that person should be the parent, not the child.

Yes it is OK for a child of ten to have no privacy, of course it is! (Small exceptions - in the toilet/bath etc) Of course the parent should know everything about a ten year old's life, but that does not mean that vice versa has to apply!

The OP was perfectly justified in seeking knowledge and control about what her 10 yr old daughter is receiving from other people.

When children have secrets from their parents this can lead to that child being bullied, or even sexually abused and the parents knowing nothing about it!

jamespir feels that he knows all about parenting because he is a parent. This is utter nonsense. Letting your 10-year-old have secrets and do anything she wants isn't being a good parent.

jamespir

aliasojo wrote: »

My edit was because I made a comment about you having issue with something I said elsewhere previously. I felt your comments were personal and I suggested it might be better if you put me on ignore.

I then removed that comment because I felt it served no purpose other than to inflame things further.

Btw....comments like 'you have no life......etc' are personal.

And at what point have I lied to my daughter? I would like you to answer that question specifically please.

Edited to add: Actually I'd like to know how I deceived her too? The definition of deceive is 'To cause to believe what is not true; mislead '

So how does unwrapping and rewrapping a present = deceiving someone?

I find your views to be quite immature and naive tbh.

thats good for you

youve decieved her becasue you unwrapped her presents and re wrapped them and you know whats inside so you are casuing you daughter to believe her presents have been untampered with where as they havent

jamespir

bundly wrote: »

"would you be happy if she went through your presents no you'd be pretty cheesed off"

jamespir seems to be under the illusion that parents and children are equals. This attitude is one of the things that has made today's kids so out-of-control, unruly, cheeky and uncontrollable.

Someone has to be the parent, and to most intellligent people, that person should be the parent, not the child.

Yes it is OK for a child of ten to have no privacy, of course it is! (Small exceptions - in the toilet/bath etc) Of course the parent should know everything about a ten year old's life, but that does not mean that vice versa has to apply!

The OP was perfectly justified in seeking knowledge and control about what her 10 yr old daughter is receiving from other people.

When children have secrets from their parents this can lead to that child being bullied, or even sexually abused and the parents knowing nothing about it!

jamespir feels that he knows all about parenting because he is a parent. This is utter nonsense. Letting your 10-year-old have secrets and do anything she wants isn't being a good parent.

the 10 year hasnt got a secret though she has a present which she has no knowledge of whats inside

going through your childs private stuff is no being a good a parent either


i dont think children are equal as parents i have rules my son has to stick to

my child is not cheeky and uncontrolable either

i dont know everything about being a good parent we all make mistakes

but i feel the op is wrong in basicaly being nosey i hope her daughter finds out waht shes done and then shell see what a big deal it is

even my mother said that regardless of what you feel you dont go through presents other people have sent as they have spent their time and money and got the present the right way was to leave it till christmas day then
sort out a fair way to swap or perhaps put them away till you feel shes old enough

Errata

even my mother said that regardless of what you feel you dont go through presents other people have sent as they have spent their time and money and got the present the right way was to leave it till christmas day then

In that case, let us hope the present isn't a box of fruit flavoured condoms.

Zazen999

jamespir wrote: »

the 10 year hasnt got a secret though she has a present which she has no knowledge of whats inside

So? She also has a mother who is taking responsibility for bringing up her daughter. A mother who used the senses she was born with to assess the situation and take action. Good on her.

daska

jamespir wrote: »

even my mother said that regardless of what you feel you dont go through presents other people have sent as they have spent their time and money and got the present the right way was to leave it till christmas day then sort out a fair way to swap or perhaps put them away till you feel shes old enough

OK, I understand where you're coming from but in context, IMHO, this generalisation is completely wrong. The OPs daughter has been sent a present by someone who the OP knows is likely to send an unsuitable gift. In that situation I believe it's appropriate. This is a child of 10, not a teen, not an adult. At 12/13 I'd probably do the 'deal with it on the day if it's a problem' thing, but at 10 a child hasn't necessarily got the maturity to understand and accept the reasoning of an adult.

Alias - I think finding out in advance and arranging a way to soften the blow of having a present put away for when she's older is entirely appropriate.

Ada_Doom

bundly wrote: »

"would you be happy if she went through your presents no you'd be pretty cheesed off"

jamespir seems to be under the illusion that parents and children are equals. This attitude is one of the things that has made today's kids so out-of-control, unruly, cheeky and uncontrollable.

Someone has to be the parent, and to most intellligent people, that person should be the parent, not the child.

Yes it is OK for a child of ten to have no privacy, of course it is! (Small exceptions - in the toilet/bath etc) Of course the parent should know everything about a ten year old's life, but that does not mean that vice versa has to apply!

The OP was perfectly justified in seeking knowledge and control about what her 10 yr old daughter is receiving from other people.

When children have secrets from their parents this can lead to that child being bullied, or even sexually abused and the parents knowing nothing about it!

jamespir feels that he knows all about parenting because he is a parent. This is utter nonsense. Letting your 10-year-old have secrets and do anything she wants isn't being a good parent.

Oh god, thats a depressing post. Why is a child not allowed a private life, away from thier parents? They are seperate little people, not just extensions of us. As parents our job is to help them grow and become independant and, sadly for all us doting parents, that means they grow away from us. How can they do this and become capable adults able to make the rights decisions when we don't let them have the room to stetch their wings?

juicygirl

aliasojo,

I'm not a Mum (yet ) but I don't think you have done anything wrong. I think my Mum would have done the same and so would I!

Could you maybe open the presents with her on Christmas Eve? Have your talk with her then, get it over with and then with all of her (suitable!) gifts the next day all will be forgotten? Saves you worrying about it too.

Good luck, you sound like a sensible Mum to me!

jamespir

daska wrote: »

OK, I understand where you're coming from but in context, IMHO, this generalisation is completely wrong. The OPs daughter has been sent a present by someone who the OP knows is likely to send an unsuitable gift. In that situation I believe it's appropriate. This is a child of 10, not a teen, not an adult. At 12/13 I'd probably do the 'deal with it on the day if it's a problem' thing, but at 10 a child hasn't necessarily got the maturity to understand and accept the reasoning of an adult.

Alias - I think finding out in advance and arranging a way to soften the blow of having a present put away for when she's older is entirely appropriate.

the mother was presumbing that the present was innapropiate she should have spoken to the other girls parents

jamespir

Zazen999 wrote: »

So? She also has a mother who is taking responsibility for bringing up her daughter. A mother who used the senses she was born with to assess the situation and take action. Good on her.

yes so she need s to tell her daughter exactly what shes done and her reasons for it
not wrap the present up and put it back undrer the tree

im sure they both could have found a mutual way of dealing with the offending article(s)

ie if its clothes she could wear it under a jumper if its a top or if its trousers only wear them in the house

or if its a game or dvd swap it for something more suitable