Partner cheated and left - what do I do?

Lilacblue

Thanks Zara, i do keep reminding myself that he did indeed 'make his bed'. He's such a prat. I hope that life is much better for you now.

Daisy you are of course the Voice of Reason. That voice deserts me at 3am every night though, when I send him horrid texts and then become INCENSED that he doesn't respond! I just find it unbelievable that he SLEPT WITH HER. That I was replaced with such ease and with so little regard. That hurts SO MUCH.

I'm off to bed I think. Am sooo tempted to start firing off texts or calls to get some more detail off of him. I'll be lying there unable to stop myself. I just have this need to know everything that went on. The fact that it all seems like it was all so casual to them is like a dagger through my heart.

(Oh blimey, what overblown drama and imagery, I'm getting worse...It's like living in my own little version of eastenders. Night all!!):rotfl:

littlemissmoney

Lilacblue wrote: »

He doesn't have family to help him,and his friends are mostly 'our' friends who wouldn't support him if they saw it as being at my expense. I do feel responsible for him, and worried about him too.

Could you ask one of your "joint" friends (especially one who knows about his mental health and alcohol issues) to keep an eye on him? Let them know that you wouldn't see it as a betrayal towards you, in fact they would be doing you a favour as it would be one less thing for you to worry about?

Hugs :A

zara*elise

Lilacblue wrote: »

I'm off to bed I think. Am sooo tempted to start firing off texts or calls to get some more detail off of him. I'll be lying there unable to stop myself. I just have this need to know everything that went on. The fact that it all seems like it was all so casual to them is like a dagger through my heart.

Turn your phone off! Don't let him consume any more of your thoughts or energy. Though I'm EXACTLY the same, I have to know the ins and outs of everything, when I don't/can't know then it makes me want to know even more! :rolleyes:

Have a good sleep hun, everything will seem a little better in the morning.

gerryscot

Well done, firstly for sorting out some financial issues earlier today. To do that within 48 hours of a break up is remarkable and shows you tremendous inner strength. Despite your low self esteem, you didn’t lock yourself away but had the sense and courage to post your thread. When you received the controversial opinions from posters, which is very difficult to deal with anytime never mind during this nightmare. However you remained calm, thought logically and appreciated that different opinions is actually very beneficial. You even had the decorum and compassion to offer words of comfort and support to another poster.

It’s the beginning of a very long journey for you, but try to give yourself credit where’s its due. In my opinion so far you’ve handled it brilliantly. I take my hat off to you and honestly believe that whatever you decide regarding the future of your relationship, you are a true survivor and will achieve all your goals for happiness in your future. :A

You will get great advice and support from some remarkable people who do genuinely care on this forum. :T :T

Take it one day at a time babe. Be thinking of you.


Gerry x x

sazzybum

Lilacblue wrote: »

Thanks Zara, i do keep reminding myself that he did indeed 'make his bed'. He's such a prat. I hope that life is much better for you now.

Daisy you are of course the Voice of Reason. That voice deserts me at 3am every night though, when I send him horrid texts and then become INCENSED that he doesn't respond! I just find it unbelievable that he SLEPT WITH HER. That I was replaced with such ease and with so little regard. That hurts SO MUCH.

I'm off to bed I think. Am sooo tempted to start firing off texts or calls to get some more detail off of him. I'll be lying there unable to stop myself. I just have this need to know everything that went on. The fact that it all seems like it was all so casual to them is like a dagger through my heart.

(Oh blimey, what overblown drama and imagery, I'm getting worse...It's like living in my own little version of eastenders. Night all!!):rotfl:

I think horrid texts are the very LEAST thing he should expect from you Lilac! You're being very restrained compared to most. I just want to say that you're being very fair, and dignified through all this so far. It's difficult to be the higher person...but ultimately satisfying when it all sorts out. However you want to rant-then rant away!! No-one will condemn you for it...in fact there'll probably be a few cheers :T

myothercarisaferrari

Hey Lilac, I've been following your thread and just wanted to say you and your kids are in my thoughts x

My parents split up when I was 17 and over the last 10 years I have been constantly let down by my father. My mum went into decline and she seems to get worse every year, and as her child it's heartbreaking when she says horrible things to me.

Keep strong for your children, and for yourself xx

Person_one

littlemissmoney wrote: »

Could you ask one of your "joint" friends (especially one who knows about his mental health and alcohol issues) to keep an eye on him? Let them know that you wouldn't see it as a betrayal towards you, in fact they would be doing you a favour as it would be one less thing for you to worry about?

Hugs :A

Hi Lilac, I've been reading the thread and I think you're doing brilliantly well. I just want to remind you that whatever he does now, however depressed he gets or whatever unpleasant living situation he ends up in, it is not your fault or your responsibility!

He is an adult and he by choosing to betray you like he did he gave up any right to your help, support and even your mental energy worrying about him! If I were you I would try to stop thinking of myself as having any relationship to this man. He has an obligation to your children and you will have to help facilitate this and remain civil as you would to any other human being but that's all you're obliged to do now!

I'm worried about your joint account though, If I were you I'd get three quarters of it out asap and into an account in your sole name. (Because that money was supporting 4 of you before and now its supporting 3, he can keep his quarter to live off for a bit. )

DeeDee74

littlemissmoney wrote: »

You already are:



What he has done is totally wrong but please don't ruin your children's relationship with their dad. Let him say goodnight to them. You don't have to talk to him.

He has nowhere to go, is living in his car, he has no clean clothes, no family, he is being stopped from even saying goodnight to his children, is prone to depression and he is about to spend Christmas on his own. Please think carefully. How would you feel if he commited suicide and left your children without a father?

I'm not defending his actions at all, and the relationship would be over if I were you, but please consider letting him live in the house (with you leading seperate lives) until he can sort out an alternative arrangement, let him see the children, collect his possessions, etc

to be fair what do u want the op to do.?.. bend over back words for a man that cheated on her?
as for commiting suicide ive never seen the op mention he has said this to her?
even if he has she is not responsible for his actions.

i had a ex who cut his own throat when we split up. lucky for him he didnt kill himself. i went bk to him cause i felt guilty 6 months later i left him again for good. u can't stay with someone out of guilt u can't walk on egg shell's and not say what u feel or think though fear of what thay will do.
the op's ex had a choice it was his choice to cheat now it's up to the op to decide what is best for her and her kids.

Nottoobadyet

Hi Lilac - I have no advice or wisdom, but I did want to say that I think you are doing so well and your children will look back and remember it someday. Im sure they will be proud of you when they do.

MissMoneypenny

littlemissmoney wrote: »

Please think carefully. How would you feel if he commited suicide and left your children without a father?

We are not responsible for other peoples actions. Did he stop to think that his wife (or the girlfriend) might commit suicide when they found out about his lies? Did he think about his wifes health when he didn't use protection? Or what would happen to his children if their parents got aids?

Some men are very good at putting themselves first. Lilac should be putting herself and her children first now. How her husband reacts to getting caught, is his problem.

I just want to add re money - I know of four people who have divorced because the husband cheated. In all instances, after the "poor me" from the husbands, they then all (without fail) emptied the bank accounts!

You're doing well Lilac. As someone said, think about the finances first and then think about him.