Partner cheated and left - what do I do?

floss2

Telling people willl get easier - have you got a best friend or sibling you can "practise" on first?

What I did was make a list of things to do:
People to tell - official (bank, utilities, car insurance, CSA, school, work etc)
People to tell - family (but only yours - it's up to him to tell his family)
People to tell - friends & colleagues
Phone calls to make
Letters to write
Things to do - challenges (things he would normally do), treats (for both you & you and the kids), changes to your environment (e.g. shuffling furniture, new bedding)

Then you can cross them off as they are done, and write out a new list every week.

Lilacblue

Floss you are a mindreader! I have just done a list of things to get through today, because I'm losing track of time and dithering around the house. Things of my list though include 'get stamps' 'iron uniforms' and 'get verruca cream'...what a drudge!! Maybe this time next year the same list will say 'pack for Bahamas' 'pick up new audi' and maybe just maybe 'tell hunky new husband to bring more champagne home with him'....:rotfl:

Michelin

Lilacblue wrote: »

Floss you are a mindreader! I have just done a list of things to get through today, because I'm losing track of time and dithering around the house. Things of my list though include 'get stamps' 'iron uniforms' and 'get verruca cream'...what a drudge!! Maybe this time next year the same list will say 'pack for Bahamas' 'pick up new audi' and maybe just maybe 'tell hunky new husband to bring more champagne home with him'....:rotfl:

Exactly - who knows what could be happening next year LilacBlue - it could be very exciting!!

Don't beat yourself up about having days like today where you don't feel so good and seem to drag yourself round the house - I know how this feels. You are going through an incredibly emotional and difficult time and it hasn't even been a week since he left so you are doing very well.

Keeping to a list of things to do is a good idea and keeps you focused, even it the jobs and menial and mundane - it's all about keeping occupied.

Telling people will get easier the more you do it but only tell who you want to and just give the minimum details if it makes you feel better.

Lilacblue

Thanks Michelin, lovely lady.

I just messaged a friend and arranged to give her a call this pm...she will be only the second person told outside of my parents and best friend.

Right, back to my list...the first thing is 'empty tumble dryer' - fancy needing to remind myself to do that!

See you later x.

duchy

If you don't want to go through telling people-and yeah it does get a bit repetative and depressing saying it over and over (I got sick of people saying "Are you sure?" Uh yeah I was sure he'd cheated DUH One of those details you verify oddly enough LOL)-could you ring some people up ahead of time-preferably when you know they are out so can leave a voicemail and tell them? Maybe say you don't want the evening to be all about your split as you need a cheerful evening ?

I know it seems all about bad days at the moment but it DOES get better and you DO start to function again-I promise.

I like next year's list though

Fire_Fox

LilacBlue you have a wonderful writing style, you are obviously a talented and intelligent woman .... F Fabulous the girls on the 'Single and in Debt' DFW diary would call you! Just popped by to check how you were doing, and to send more ((((hugs))))

zzzLazyDaisy

My cuz sent a text to everyone saying something like 'Just to let you know, Me and OH have separated, I am sure you will appreciate this is a difficult time and respect the fact that I don't wish to discuss it'

Seemed a strange thing to do, but in fact it worked! Lots of people phoned her to offer support, but generally they were happy to let her talk or not, as she felt like it.

Re OH's parents - did/do you have a good relationship with them? They are still your children's grandparents, and could be a real source of support if you get on with them and can trust them not to take sides.

Oh and (((((hugs))))) be kind to yourself. It is such a bad time to be going through this. You will feel like you are wading through treacle at the moment - just take things in baby steps, and allow yourself time to grieve. xxx

Blackpool_Saver

sending hugs and good wishes, you will be up and down, but from what I am reading you will get there.

Lilacblue

Hello my friends.

Just how lovely is all this snow? I've heard that it's a bit frantic down south, but up here we've got that soft, pretty stuff with the great big flakes that fall softly down. Everywhere's looking very pretty. Not me, however, as have just realised that I haven't washed my hair since Monday so that's gonna have to happen asap! I look a right old state again. When the courier comes from Next he's going to have a hell of a shock.

Thank you for your ideas about the big Telling People issue. I was suppose to tell someone yesterday but couldn't. Why does it seem such a big deal, these are my friends for goodness sake? I suppose it's because it takes the situation from the private to the public arena and I lose control of it. I do like the idea someone gave of just informing people but asking that they don't ask questions, or texting. I might do that.

I'm now on Day Six. I'm ok today (apart from the filthy hair and the fact that my eyes look like they've been poked with sticks for five days). I spoke to my intimidating boss this morning who is now convinced that I've got swine flu and doesn't think I'll be back even next week. I disagreed and told her I was actually feeling a lot better but she was adamant - How naughty am I!

I saw my partner last night (at some point I think I need to use the word 'ex'). We didn't speak but he came in and sat with the children whilst they watched Coraline (good film, bit scarey). His eye is still black and bruised but I was a bit disappointed it's not as impressive as it was before. He told me that he's looking at a room today. It's actually a self catering room in a hotel up the room and sounds really good (not that I said that to him, I just can't display anything other than disdain to the bloke at the moment). Knowing him, he'll love it, and that will really p**** me off.

He will be round later as he's getting the kids from school and will do something with them I suppose. I am torn between wanting to know what he's been doing/where/with whom, and trying to come across like I don't give a stuff.

Anyway, how's everyone else today on a scale of one to ten? I'm hovering around a three which actually is ok.

xxx

Lilacblue

Oh dear. I've just seen on a news website that the snow is actually causing a lot of problems. And he's me waxing lyrical about how pretty it all is! Hope everyone's ok x.