Partner cheated and left - what do I do?

Lilacblue

Thank you both. I tell you what, this forum has kept me sane today. It does help to write it all down, and know that others are supportive. I am just finding all this so hard.

I have just looked on the csa website and my child maintenace would be set by them at £89 a week. That's £385 a month. We pay for absolutely everything household/kid related from that account. He currently puts £1200 a month into the account...god only knows how I even begin to cope now. I have posted a query on another forum so hopefully I can start to get ideas.

I am going to do some ironing now and come back later. My brilliant friend is coming round after work too, and she always makes me feel better. God bless friends.

Again, I can't begin to thank you all for your help. You are the best.

Michelin

Lilacblue, glad that you are getting by today - you will be up and down and just make sure when you have the good days, you make the most of them.

Sadly, as others have said, some men reach a certain age and they seem to think that their life is slipping away and try to grab some of it back. Stupid really as they should be happy for what they have if things are OK but there you go.

Have you had any contact with him since Sunday? Is there any chance that you will reconciliate or is is definitely over for you? Or perhaps it is all too early to say and you might just need time and space.

Blackpool_Saver

A solicitor may charge, but you need their advice as it is even more complicated where parents were not married, you need (forgive me the American psycho babble) a kick a$$ solicitor who will ensure you have enough income and settlement.

floss2

Lilacblue wrote: »

...I have just looked on the csa website and my child maintenace would be set by them at £89 a week. That's £385 a month. We pay for absolutely everything household/kid related from that account. He currently puts £1200 a month into the account...god only knows how I even begin to cope now. I have posted a query on another forum so hopefully I can start to get ideas.....

You may well be able to "persuade" him to give you more than that Don't forget that you may well get extra help from tax credits, and your bills will drop - certainly your council tax will go down by 25% and your shopping bill will go down if there are only 3 mouths to feed!

Ivrytwr3

Lilacblue wrote: »

"OMG I am so, like, COMPLETELY having a wild time!!!!! Facebook isn't big enough for me to tell you about it right now!! LOL!! Like you guys know what I'm talking about, right LOL LOL!!! Oh this is all so CRAZY and so DEEP and so, like, INTENSE!!! See you guys later, OMG it's gonna be a blast!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!'

And that, my friends, was the 20 year old my partner dumped his life for.

Well, he has had the fun and sex and when she dumps him or starts shagging about behind his back, don't you dare fall for his sob story of been an idiot and wanting to come back home! (but if you do, make sure it's under your terms and conditions!)

Because it will be coming!!! Sad loser that he is.

thorsoak

Lilacbabe - are you sure you've read the CSA page correctly? Are you sure that those figures aren't per child?

It will go upon his income - and if his income allows him to put £1,200 per month into the joint account, you could find that CSA will demand more of him! A good solicitor might.

And anyway - how much of your monthly expenditure is based upon him???

Don't worry about money - things have a way of working out - don't let financial reasons be the only ones keeping you tied to him - you deserve better!

floss2

Lilacblue wrote: »

Thank .... My partner has been a complete twonk...I mean, this girl sounds about 14....And that, my friends, was the 20 year old my partner dumped his life for.

Well, when she starts whingeing like a child, and he realises that she behaves in a similar way to his children but without the benefit of a naughty step, he will hopefully realise his mistake!

zzzLazyDaisy

[QUOTE=thorsoak;27885011
It will go upon his income - and if his income allows him to put £1,200 per month into the joint account, you could find that CSA will demand more of him! A good solicitor might.![/QUOTE]

Yes but that was when he was living there - that £1200 included putting a roof over his own head, utility bills etc. Now he will have to find somewhere to live with associated expenses. CSA is a straight calculation - 2 children = 20% of his salary. The courts don't have the power to adjust that and because OP wasn't married she isn't entitled to spousal maintenance (which, in reality, is where the adjustment is normally made).

OP you will have to see a solicitor sooner rather than later - as others have said you situation is more complicated because you were not married. But try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Try to break things down into easy steps - first you need to see if you can come to a voluntary agreements, and if not you need to make a CSA claim, and also claim tax credits. Then you need to concentrate on getting through christmas and making sure that your little ones have a happy time in spite of what is happening. The rest will wait until New Year, you can't deal with everything over night it isn't possible.

finc

Also with the CSA they will only start your award from the date they contact your ex NOT the date you make your claim. If you're lucky they may contact him within a month or so of you putting your claim in. Others aren't so lucky and it's not unheard of for this first contact to take weeks/months.

Just something to keep in mind. I waited for my ex to try to come to some arrangement for maintenance but he too had a character transplant and refused to pay. I really wish I didn't hold off as long as I did to claim through the CSA as my children had no financial support from their 'father' for months as a result.

Best wishes for you and your children.

Lilacblue

Thank you again everyone for your support. I did a long ranting post about an hour ago in which i really let rip and gave some of the more juicy details of exactly what I did when I found out about his little misdemeanours. But I got logged out and lost the lot. Am kind of glad about that because my BunnyBoiler exploits were nothing to be proud of really (they involved locking him in the house with me, smashing up his phone and doing something really bad involving my knuckles that I have never done before in my whole life (but boy I felt better afterwards).

I am feeling ok tonight. He texted to ask if he could phone the kids to say goodnight. I replied by asking if these were the same kids he failed to bear in mind whilst humping Miss Piggy and he left it after that. God knows what he's doing for clothes and things because all his stuff is here and he can't get into the house if I'm not here. I just hope he's been going to work....:(

Just to clarify, he isn't seeing her any more. Maybe I didn't make that clear. He says he kind of dumped her (which the texts I found seem to verify) but in any case she has dumped him too (she's so young she probably uses the phrase 'I've chucked him' !!). Floss, your comment about her whinging like his kids made me chortle, thank you!

You are all very kind. None of you know me, which makes it all the more comforting in a way. Believe me, your support today has been beyond anything I expected. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
I spoke to the tax credit people this afternoon - they were great. So that's the tax credits done and the council tax. I'm doing well. Tomorrow the World!!