naughty child not getting any presents for christmas?

Rachel021967

We give presents to our children out of unconditional love and hopefully these are within our budget. It has nothing to do with how good or naughty a child has been. I've always told my girls that Father Christmas is a glorified delivery man and the presents are from the family. This is because we can't afford lots of expensive presents that their cousins and other children from school got, and I didn't want them to feel that they were naughty or unloved because of it.

ceebeeby

Guys - all posters are genuine, and deserve genuine advice. No need to start making it personal and mean!!

OP - in the days of Santa, I used to have Santas number keyed into my mobile phone. If child was being particularly trying in the days coming up to Xmas, I would pick up my phone and have a pretend conversation on it. Santa's advice to child was always "must do as Mum / Dad has asked, else I won't be able to bring you your present". Honestly always worked. Sometimes even picking up the phone worked, and they behaved instantly anyway.

You have your hands very full at the moment, and it sounds from your posts as though you are wound up too. When my DS (who also had ADHD) was very very trying, we found a very calming activity such as a game of dominos, counting the pennies in the penny jar or some other quiet game would give us all 20 minutes peace.

I agree totally with you that ADHD / Autism is not a get out clause for naughty behaviour, and we were always told that the child knows they're being naughty at that time, just has difficulty relating any consequences to doing the naughty thing (i.e. punishment). Which effectively rendered most punishments meaningless. Eventually we had to stop all after school clubs etc. until the situation had calmed right down (it did, thankfully).

However, although tempting I'm sure, I totally disagree with the thought of with-holding Xmas gifts, or even contemplating with-holding them with the reward chart.

good luck and thanks for sharing.

Lunar_Eclipse

atwitsend wrote: »

I think confiscating presents is a very good idea if he is naughty, I was thinking maybe of a reward chart with presents stickers, he earns presents for good behaviour and and loses them for naughty behaviour...then on xmas day i take the number of presents he has lost and put them on the naughty shelf (a place where current toys go when confiscated!) then he can earn them back?

Personally I think this is a recipe for disaster. It's too complicated, with a focus on things (losing them and/or winning them back) as opposed to only his behaviour. I would guess he's too young to focus on more than that.

Explain what behaviour you expect of him and why the reverse is not appropriate and treat him with respect and love him unconditionally and you will get the behaviour you want. It really can be that simple. Ignore the behaviour you don't like, but resist the urge to punish and reward with material possessions. Your attention is your biggest weapon, not whatever he gets for Xmas.;)

tandraig

csh wrote: »

You missed it because I got it from another thread. Not something I would usually do but the OP has riled me.

I guessed that csh.
i had already realised something strange going on.
but thanks for that. I have some experience with autism and asbergers since my gd has asbergers (originally diagnosed after years of being labelled naughty and so has my nephew and my other nephew is severely autistic).

why on earth the OP posted on here instead of the autism/asbergers thread is totally beyond me???????????
you have to treat these kids differently because they ARE different!

grrrrrrrrrrrr my last post stands as how i feel to OP!

tandraig

ceebeeby wrote: »

Guys - all posters are genuine, and deserve genuine advice. No need to start making it personal and mean!!

OP - in the days of Santa, I used to have Santas number keyed into my mobile phone. If child was being particularly trying in the days coming up to Xmas, I would pick up my phone and have a pretend conversation on it. Santa's advice to child was always "must do as Mum / Dad has asked, else I won't be able to bring you your present". Honestly always worked. Sometimes even picking up the phone worked, and they behaved instantly anyway.

You have your hands very full at the moment, and it sounds from your posts as though you are wound up too. When my DS (who also had ADHD) was very very trying, we found a very calming activity such as a game of dominos, counting the pennies in the penny jar or some other quiet game would give us all 20 minutes peace.

I agree totally with you that ADHD / Autism is not a get out clause for naughty behaviour, and we were always told that the child knows they're being naughty at that time, just has difficulty relating any consequences to doing the naughty thing (i.e. punishment). Which effectively rendered most punishments meaningless. Eventually we had to stop all after school clubs etc. until the situation had calmed right down (it did, thankfully).

However, although tempting I'm sure, I totally disagree with the thought of with-holding Xmas gifts, or even contemplating with-holding them with the reward chart.

good luck and thanks for sharing.

actually - this isnt true!
the child may think they are acting logically and correctly and the rest of the world is wrong! according to a highly respected professor from St Georges hospital who specialises in Autism.

SugarSpun

If your son refers to himself as the naughty boy and the good one, perhaps Santa should deliver two lots of presents - first the intended gifts for "good" son, with a little note telling him how proud Santa is of him and how proud you are too. Then a lump of coal for "bad" son, and another note from Santa telling him that although his parents love him whether he's good or bad, and Santa knows that he normally tries very hard to be the "good" boy, Santa just can't break the rules and bring a "bad" boy any toys.

Errata

erm........... what are these Santa rules ?

Lunar_Eclipse

atwitsend wrote: »

as i replied above, he is being punished today, my point is what if he is naughty right up to christmas day.

Well he would be the first if this were to happen. I have never heard of a child, ever, that is naughty all day, every day, for over a week.

I think we need to look at the positive aspects of his behaviour and see the glass as having some contents as opposed to being completely empty. I'm feeling really uncomfortable and anxious reading this thread. Do you need help?

shellsuit

Do you know autistic children grow up into autistic adults and they too can smear excrement on walls, can hit out and punch others and can basically be right royal pains in the backside.

Are they naughty too? :rolleyes:

They don't understand that's all ~ they don't have the same thought process as us!

The only thing I can suggest is to try to difuse the situation as quickly as possible and don't make a huge thing out of the BAD behaviour, but more praise the GOOD behaviour (as has been said here by a few already)

And dare I say it, I don't think he is cut out for school at all.

You may not be able to cope with him, so that is something you have to look into, you need HELP with your son.

Not giving him Christmas presents is cruel, especially if he knows what Christmas is and who Santa is.

Lunar_Eclipse

atwitsend wrote: »

what does it tell him when he still recieves a stack of presents?

That he must be a good boy, is valued and loved.:D

And conversely he gets the ultimate confirmation that he is a bad, naughty, unloved individual likely to develop long term low self-esteem if presents are withheld.:o