naughty child not getting any presents for christmas?

consultant31

emay wrote: »

My mum also once threatened me with getting rid of everything in my bedroom if I didn't tidy it, came home from school one day to find my bedroom empty of everything apart from school and library books (everything was in black binliners in the shed, but I didn't know at the time). It didn't cure me though, I'm still messy 25+ years later. Following through on threats doesn't always work.

Are you my daughter? I did exactly this and it had no effect either. DD is also still a messy 25 year old :rotfl:

Morglin

atwitsend wrote: »

My son has been naughty for the last few days, and today had a very VERY bad day at school. I am so angry at him for his behaviour, I have told him that santa is watching etc, which got me thinking, I dont do empty threats, i always follow punishments through to the end.....but is him not getting any christmas presents mean of me?
Has anyone ever not given their child any presents to prove a point?

I used to just tell mine that Santa or his elves would be phoning me Xmas Eve to see if they had been well behaved, which used to help a bit with over excited kids leading up to Christmas.;)

But, no, I certainly wouldn't make him go without pressies - the punishment would far outweigh the 'crime' and it will be a miserable Xmas all round, I would think.

And, as other have said, he will never forget that you did this!:eek:

Lin

Molly41

atwitsend wrote: »

Funny you should say that, as my son refers to himself in two people, naughty one and good one, his TA asks him in the morning 'which one do we have today?'

My son has ADD and is now 18. I have experienced lots of these types of behaviour before and repeat that you need to focus on the positive aspects of his behaviour not the negative. You have to see his behaviour through his eyes. Smearing his poo is not what it seems to you - naughty to you... to him its self expression. I actually dont think that his TA attitude is helpful but she is spot on.....thats my son to T... You need to meet with school and if they cant help you manage his behaviour then perhaps you should be looking at more specialist schooling. Following through with the christmas threat absolutely wont work...he will be bewildered. Try seeing his life through his eyes....

tiamai_d

For gods sake, the OP asked if it would be mean not to give presents to her child for being naughty. Most of us think yes.

Then asked if any of us have ever done it. Most of us said no, a few said they had thought about it.

Did it really have to turn into a !!!!!ing session with threats towards a mum who is struggling and probably just needing a bit of a rant and a vent and is also 33 weeks pregnant?

The worst of it is, has this been posted in the arms, most of the folk in there would have agreed with her, let her have a rant and then started discussing someone's sex life or lack of it.

seven-day-weekend

Molly41 wrote: »

My son has ADD and is now 18. I have experienced lots of these types of behaviour before and repeat that you need to focus on the positive aspects of his behaviour not the negative. You have to see his behaviour through his eyes. Smearing his poo is not what it seems to you - naughty to you... to him its self expression. I actually dont think that his TA attitude is helpful but she is spot on.....thats my son to T... You need to meet with school and if they cant help you manage his behaviour then perhaps you should be looking at more specialist schooling. Following through with the christmas threat absolutely wont work...he will be bewildered. Try seeing his life through his eyes....

Maybe, but he still needs to learn that it is not acceptable behaviour.

If his 'naughtiness' stems from a medical condition, I would not think depriving him of presents is going to work, until he realises that his behaviour IS unacceptable. Difficult to give any other advice if we don't know how old he is.

My son has Aspergers' Syndrome (didn't know until he was grown up) and had problems with doing his school work. We told him that every time he got a good mark (which intellectually he was capable of doing), we would buy him a Big Mac. This really motivated him and in one particular subject at least, he did really well ( must add this was all at Secondary School level).

flippin36

OP. Didn't want to post last night because I wanted to sleep on it after realising your son is on the Autistic spectrum. And for what its worth I don't think for a minute you would not give him his presents, after all you seem to have gone to a lot of trouble to get everything together for Christmas . I think you posted because you wanted some support and weren't thinking straight.

I don't know if you have ever posted on the Autism support thread (on MSE), but I have always been given a very friendly welcome, never judgemental, there is nothing that they haven't heard/seen before and have given me some really practical tips.

I also think you need to meet with school. Do you think they are geared up to look after someone with Autism? Our school has autism specialists that go in twice a week to support and advise both school and myself, and believe me they are worth their weight in gold. There are loads of services out there for parents with autistic children, but you have to search for them. I found that I am not told anything, I had to look for the answers myself. Ask your paedatrician/gp if there are any support groups in your area. Can you find out about respite care?

Try and take positive action before your baby arrives, if you can have a meeting with school before they break up for Christmas so you are not worrying about him over the holidays.

Here's hoping he has a better day today

If you need to PM to have a rant feel free.

JBD

Molly41 wrote: »

My son has ADD and is now 18. I have experienced lots of these types of behaviour before and repeat that you need to focus on the positive aspects of his behaviour not the negative. You have to see his behaviour through his eyes. Smearing his poo is not what it seems to you - naughty to you... to him its self expression. I actually dont think that his TA attitude is helpful but she is spot on.....thats my son to T... You need to meet with school and if they cant help you manage his behaviour then perhaps you should be looking at more specialist schooling. Following through with the christmas threat absolutely wont work...he will be bewildered. Try seeing his life through his eyes....

Absolutely agree with this. My 9 year old daughter is autistic. A couple of years ago she was so badly behaved I felt as if I was at breaking point but I have started to turn things around now. The main thing I did was to try and be more positive. I did start to feel as if I was becoming nasty to her, I was certainly saying nasty things to her and it was just becoming really horrible for everyone. I had to make a conscious effort to be much more positive and loving towards her and she has defenitely responded in a good way.
OP I do agree you may need a little bit of specialist help here. I would do what other posters have suggested. Perhaps your son's teacher would be a good starting point.

lrr_2

I would leave a note from santa saying he cant have his presents till later on in the day when his mum says he can have them when he is behaving. (hiding them till then). Let him see everyone else opening theirs, he will be behaving within 10mins

ceebeeby

lrr wrote: »

I would leave a note from santa saying he cant have his presents till later on in the day when his mum says he can have them when he is behaving. (hiding them till then). Let him see everyone else opening theirs, he will be behaving within 10mins

:rolleyes:

No - we've got past that bit!!! DS is hopefully getting his gifts alongside the rest of the family!

Now we're trying to support the OP in how to cope with her son.

Peakma

Hi not read the whole thread,as I don't have time.
But how could you even contemplate not giving him pressie sat xmas?
What did he do,have I missed that?
I notice you are due a new baby soon,do you think you being tired and hormonal on top of the usual xmas stress,and him having to deal with the massive imminent change that's coming up in his life,could have something to do with his behaviour.
Make sure he feels 100% loved,and he has no feelings of insecurity regarding the new babies arrival.I'd be trying to spend quality time with him,before the extra one arrives,big him up,and help him to look forward to being a brilliant big brother who needs to help the new baby be as good and thoughtful a child as his wonderful big brother etc.