AM, I, in the wrong??

MrsE_2

MrsTine wrote: »

Now as a former bully victim I can appreciate how horrid it is to be bullied... but let me assure you that not being played with or other children refusing to hold my hand would NOT have entered my mind as being bullied... being bullied was the verbal and physcial abuse I suffered at the hands (and feet) of my childhood peers... Ranging from snide remarks to physcial violence. Maybe I'm made of sterner stuff or someone refusing to play with me and holding my hand IS bullying these days?

I agree with you there for much of your take on modern bullying.
When I was at school far worse was only classed as banter, no a days it all seems to be classed as bullying & we are raising a nation of namby pambies. NOT that I'm saying this 5 year old is a namby pamby, but I think she needs to learn to leave people alone if they are not nice/interested - for her own sake.

If it had been my DD at 5 that a childs mother made cry, I probably would have punched her in the gob:o

Lady_E

I have read most of the thread and as far as I can see the OP did over react to the situation and did not deal with the situaton in the appropiate manner.
That said, I think the OP knows that,by virtue of the fact that she is asking on a public forum .
I guess the only solution now , is to
1)Talk to the father
2) Speak to the dance teacher
3) Speak to her child
4)Apologise to the little girl

Not necessarily in that order!

Finally as a gesture of goodwill , how about inviting the little girl and her mum/dad over to your house on a play date with your daughter? You never know your perceptions of them might just change .

Good luck

esmerelda98

MrsE wrote: »

I agree with you there for much of your take on modern bullying.
When I was at school far worse was only classed as banter, no a days it all seems to be classed as bullying & we are raising a nation of namby pambies. NOT that I'm saying this 5 year old is a namby pamby, but I think she needs to learn to leave people alone if they are not nice/interested - for her own sake.

If it had been my DD at 5 that a childs mother made cry, I probably would have punched her in the gob:o

I agree with the first two sentences. HOWEVER, there is a whole generation of parents who hate to see their little darlings upset and just cannot abide anyone else disciplining them. Worse still they won't do the job themselves. Hence the schools are full of unrestrained brats. No doubt some kids have always been cheeky, but the situation in schools is very different from what it used to be even a generation ago. Go to any poverty-striken backwater of a country any in the world and you'll find children who know the meaning of the word 'respect'. That's sadly lacking in the UK. I'm not commenting on this situation in particular as the child, at 5, was too young to be approached independently, however I do strongly believe in collective parenting.

kendalls_cave

Yes you were in the wrong. If you talked to my five year old niece like that I'd be furious :mad:
You should have taken the dad aside quietly away from other kids/parents and explained the issue.
And to label the other kid a bully just cos she didn't want to hold your daughters hand is why over the top. kids need to learn not everyone is going to like each other, it's life.

tandraig

havent seen OPs name now for two whole pages! think she has been punished (bullied) by people on here enough now!!!! so her child was upset and she over-reacted! she didnt hit the other child did she? Do you all scourge yourselves and self - flagellate if you upset your OWN children and make them cry? of course not.
Perhaps I am getting too old but when i was a kid (like another poster) any adult was allowed to chastise me with the full support of my parents. can remember one large woman slapping my face (hard) for playing cherry knocker (knock the door and run away), of course my mum saw the hand mark on my face and asked how i got it. I told her - did she go and deck the woman? did she hell - she slapped the other side! All us kids saw this as normal. we were kids and all grown-ups had power over us. so for gods sake cut the OP some slack!

aliasojo

tandraig wrote: »

havent seen OPs name now for two whole pages! think she has been punished (bullied) by people on here enough now!!!!

There seems to be quite a wide range of opinion as to what constitutes bullying imo.

I dont get how replies (albeit some were a bit harsh) on a thread where the OP asked if she was wrong, could be classed as bullying.

Janepig

MrsE wrote: »

I agree with you there for much of your take on modern bullying.
When I was at school far worse was only classed as banter, no a days it all seems to be classed as bullying & we are raising a nation of namby pambies. NOT that I'm saying this 5 year old is a namby pamby, but I think she needs to learn to leave people alone if they are not nice/interested - for her own sake.

I agree with this. DD started school at 3 and for the first two years the girls were terrible. I started to really worry about it because DD is rather sensitive and one girl in particular would be friends with her one minute then refusing to be friends with her the next. I started to get a bit upset about it, although not to show DD, but even the teachers said that girls are worse than boys in that respect, so I found the best thing to do is to ignore it, and now DD's in year 2 and they all seem to get along swimmingly.

Jxx

fabforty

tandraig wrote: »

havent seen OPs name now for two whole pages! think she has been punished (bullied) by people on here enough now!!!! so her child was upset and she over-reacted! she didnt hit the other child did she? Do you all scourge yourselves and self - flagellate if you upset your OWN children and make them cry? of course not.
Perhaps I am getting too old but when i was a kid (like another poster) any adult was allowed to chastise me with the full support of my parents. can remember one large woman slapping my face (hard) for playing cherry knocker (knock the door and run away), of course my mum saw the hand mark on my face and asked how i got it. I told her - did she go and deck the woman? did she hell - she slapped the other side! All us kids saw this as normal. we were kids and all grown-ups had power over us. so for gods sake cut the OP some slack!

I think OP has disappeared from the thread because she didn't get the answers that she wanted/expected. She asked, 'am I wrong?' and when others said 'yes', she went on the attack attempting to justify her behaviour. She clearly feels that she was right to do what she did, and if we had all agreed, no doubt she would still be here happily posting away. The other girl didn't want to hold her daughters' hand - it's not that big a deal. If anything it probably made that child look bad and not her daughter. I'm sure there are children that her daughter doesn't like - they are children and that's what they do. I don't have kids but I remember being around that age. There were kids I liked and others I couldn't stand. Every few weeks that would change, friends became enemies and enemies became friends. It didn't make me a nasty child - just human. OP needs to be careful that she doesn't isolate her children further. I can't think of many parents who witnessing what happened (whether she shouted at the girl or not is irrelevant, the fact that she confronted her is enough), would let their own children anywhere near hers for fear of how OP would react if they fell out (as kids are prone to do).

tandraig

aliasojo - you said they were a bit harsh? I found them a lot harsh, for a mum whose first thought was for her little one. then thought again. then posted on here? I think she got the message on the first page. subsequent posts were more than a bit harsh. and tbh some people were advocating violence against her - dont you agree thats bullying?

fabforty

Lady_E wrote: »

I
Finally as a gesture of goodwill , how about inviting the little girl and her mum/dad over to your house on a play date with your daughter? You never know your perceptions of them might just change .

Good luck

Because if the parents of the other child have any sense, they will keep their daughter away from OPs child. Not because of her daughter, but becasue of OP herself. Kids argue, fight and fall out with alarming regularity - if OP is going to get involved everytime another child upsets her daughter, no parent in their right mind would encourage their child to play with hers - which is a shame becasue OP is clearly a loving, caring parent.