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AM, I, in the wrong??
Comments
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Hi tootsie,
Just wanted to say - it will hopefully blow over, and it will be one of those situations that you will learn from. The thing with posting on a forum is that you will get extreme responses (sometimes people don't read the thread properly, or jump to conclusions). You have to have thick skin to ask for opinions on such a dilema on a forum! I've misjudged a situation this week too, as has everyone on here at some point in their lives. We get over things and then move on to the next crisis! If you think you have done the wrong thing, put it right then move on. Keeping calm in these situations will stand you in good stead for future problems. Good luck and give yourself a break, you are only human.0 -
This was a children's dance performance!!! I think you were definity wrong and reacted way OTT. A quick quiet word with the teacher after the performance would have been sufficient.
I think that teaching children to understand and be able to cope with different personalities is vital. Not every child your DD meets will be a friend. All children (and adults for that matter!) are different. Just because someone will not hold hands in a performance and shuns your DDs does not class them as a bully or nasty hurtful girl.I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has had to overcome while trying to succeed. Booker T Washington
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Mupette's advice above is good :T:D
Yes, what you did was wrong but I can see how it happened, and I'm not sure that I'd do any differently if I were you. I'd kick myself afterwards, but at the time when I'm upset or flustered I don't really think things through.
My youngest is 4 and it broke my heart when 3 of them were playing together but his cousin told the other one to ignore my boy, and kept deliberately leaving him out and telling the 3rd child 'let's go and play somewhere else without him'. If the other child had agreed to leave my boy out instead of saying no, i'm his friend too, then I probably would have said something I'd regret to the one I thought was being spiteful and horrid, and it would have ended up with us parents being angry at each other. My boy is too sweet and gentle to deal with such spite, although he is at school now so I suppose he'll have to.
The dance teacher needs to step in here and either separate the two girls or help them to be friends. If the other girl won't hold hands then perhaps she could be put at the end of a row, or at the back or something, so her not doing the dance properly doesn't affect another girl's performance. Maybe she'd hold hands if it was her best friend, so the dance teacher could do that, while putting your daughter next to someone who will be less likely to spurn her.
I do think you should apologise to the girl's father for upsetting his daughter. It may be that she is a horrid spiteful little madam and was only crying because you exposed her nastiness. On the other hand you might have frightened her. Maybe she's not really a horrible child and there might have been a chance that she was actually sorry for upsetting your daughter and that's why she was crying, but it all went horribly wrong when you argued with her dad. lost opportunity to make friends maybe? Mupette's idea of inviting her (with a parent perhaps?) for tea, or maybe to somewhere neutral like a playbarn might help?52% tight0 -
As a matter of interest....why did the dancing teacher arrange it so these two girls were next to each other? Is she aware of the problem?0
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fly_dragon_fly wrote: »do you have a five year old kid? i'm guessing not or you would know that little 5 year olds can be spitful horrible little children and thats from many a experience with my son and other children (both ways not just the other child)
I've had 2, 5 year old children, and neither they nor their friends or class mates were "spiteful horrible little children", which IMO is a horrid way to describe a small child.
Kids grow up and act in a manner they are used to/told to.
Some kids just want to be centre of attention, or are used to getting their own way all the time, so act on it when they are around other kids.Hi tootsie
sounds like you are having a rough time of it, It makes me feel really sad when kids bully and I guess what you did out of anger, I hope you manage to sort things out and as for posting on here and asking for advice i wouldnt really bother as its full of self opinionated bullies:mad:
who take great delight in causing trouble......which is sad really as it appears to me they have something missing in their life to enjoy hurting people by their horrible remarks!!!! after reading this thread I have decided not to post anymore on here as I get sick of reading other peoples bullying remarks .....you set of saddo's you make me sick!!!!!!
Tootsie my thoughts are with you regarding your sister and like I said I hope you manage to sort the bullying problem out with your daughter.
HUGS
PIXIE x
Umm, did you not notice the thread title? It asks 'Am i in the wrong?'
So everyone who has said, "Yes you were in the wrong", are self opiniated bullies?
OP asked, we answered. Not our fault most of the replies are not what she wanted to read, is it?lostinrates wrote: »As a matter of interest....why did the dancing teacher arrange it so these two girls were next to each other? Is she aware of the problem?
Exactly, I would have thought that if this girl was a major problem, that OP would have asked the teacher if they could be away from each other during the performance.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
Reading the first part of the thread, yes you shouldnt have spoken to the 5 year old. She is quite entitled to dislike your daughter but needs guidance on how better to act. That comes from her parent not from you.
However i do know how you feel, a little 4 year old had my daughter in tears for a week straight, not being her friend....it did upset me, but it was far more important to me to make sure my daughter learned how to deal with rejection, rather than think or say anything to the other little girl. A parents job is partly that, teaching your child coping techniques for when life is tough. I simpy told my daughter that sometimes people dont want or like to be around otherpeople and she should make some new friends...she went off and got hersf a boyfriend to kiss in the playtent apparently lol...the next week her and the other girl were pals again.:starmod:Sealed Pot Challenge Member 1189:starmod:0 -
Children are just that, children they are learning social skills and at 5 most do not have many, as has been said the other girl could be finding your daughter just as distressing as your daughter/you find her.
Since when do we expect 5 year olds to act like adults!
The names that some people are bandying around for little more than babies is shocking.0 -
Tootsiepops wrote: »Hi, my problem is, i have 2DD's one 5yrs the other 3yrs, and they both go dancing, on friday & saturday was their xmas show, i was in the back helping out and sorting my girls out. Friday everything was great, my 2 loved it and could'nt wait too get back to it on saturday, my eldest has had a few problems with one of the other girls, she made all the other little girls ignore her in rehearsals and has been quite horrible to her, but my girl still trys and be friends with this child and does try to play with her. Fast forward saturday, there they are up on stage doing their ballet, when my girl stretched her hand out to hold this other girls hand ( the nasty one!!) and she pulled away and the more my girl tried to hold her hand the more she pulled away in disgust, all this was being DVD'd for parents to buy, my little one's face crumbled an she started sobbing, to say i was gutted for her is a understatement, i rushed to the front and gave her the thumbs up, trying to talk her thru it and smiling all the time (even though i felt like crying). When the lights went down an they went off the stage, i went back into the changing room, and knelt down and said to "nasty little girl" is there something wrong? had my girl upset her? why had she done what, she had done?? and i said my girl was heartbroke, the next thing this "nasty little girl" starts crying, her father starts shouting at me shes only 5!!! i bloody know how old she is, but she has persecuted my girl for weeks now, i told the dance teacher, she done nothing, so i flew at this childs father, told him in no un-certain ways what i thought of him and the way hes bringing his child up to be a nasty, hurtful little girl!!! Im not making excuses for myself, but i was devastated to see my child so upset, and ive also got my sister in the local hospice dying of terminal cancer, and i just flipped. The dance teacher has'nt even been in touch with me about it, my girls have dancing tomorrow and im taking them, do any of you think im in the wrong? bear in mind i NEVER shouted at the child, or was nasty, but between every thing thats going on i was livid and all this is on the dvd, what would you do? thanks for reading sorry its long-winded.
Your 5 year old daughter was reduced to tears because another girl wouldn't hold her hand, yet you feel it was right to question a 5 year old about the situation, when you aren't a friend or relative, then fly at the child's father calling his daughter a 'nasty, hurtful little girl'.
Regardless of what is going on your life, you are an adult and should have spoken to the dance teacher and the father about it. You were the bully in that situation.
The whole situation cannot be that bad if your daughter loves going to the dance class, can it?0 -
I wouldn't even have said anything to the dad, tbh! Kids can be nasty to each other one minute, and best mates the next - or not! Your daughter will come accross people who are not very nice or even actively dislike her, and she won't have you to fight her battles for her. Simply explain to her that you can't always be friends with everyone, although you should always remain polite about it; the other girl's behaviour was wrong, and maybe she should stop trying to make friends with her as it's obviously not being reciprocated. It happens.
That little girl certainly didn't deserve a grilling from a complete stranger in front of her dad though!
Especially girls ! Its very hard when your kids are upset , we have all been there , you really have to take a step back and teach her to rise above it , trust me wait until she gets to be a teenager:rolleyes:Vuja De - the feeling you'll be here later0 -
Please Give the Op a break... many of us would have done the same.. it is not nice to see your children upset. My friend has got a daughter, 2 1/2, my daughter is the same age, and this little one, is always horrible to her, make her cry many times when i ask her why she is being like this, and ask her to be nice ( her moms does too) she changes. Some little girls are sweet and want to be friends with everyone... others dont, it is their character.
If the OP, asked the little one nicely, maybe she knew what she did was wrong and that;s why she cried... to get out of the situation.
I remember when iwas 5 yrs some girls used to be mean with me, hit me all the time, but when my mum used to came to pick me up, they all be really nice to me.Mejor morir de pie que vivir toda una vida de rodillas.0
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