AM, I, in the wrong??

supermezzo

kegg wrote: »

How does a 5 year old force other children to ignore yours?

Easy - The strongest of the group 'picks' on someone and attacks them verbally/physically or simply says lets all ignore so-and-so today...and for fear of being the one picked on, the rest of the group follow suit in order to protect themselves.

lostinrates

Other points to note are that it is not uncommon fo kids to be very near to tears after performances. They work all term towards them and there is a huge sense of awe followed by anti climax. As someone who performed a lot as a child its very unusual not to have someone in tears afterwards, sometimes on no apparant prompt, sometimes on very little prompting or even an excuse.


The holding hands thing could be more important. If it had been an issue through classes leading up to performance for example, the teacher might have had to emphasised the instruction to hold hands during class/rehearsal. While I understand this is a kids' class not children as part of a professional company the pressure on little kids can be quite significant IMO....

I would not be comfortable to see a child ..one thats NOT mine... on stage in front of other people sobbing with no comfort or diversion created.

I just have to repeat that while I find the communication described in OP to be inappropriate I find the communication about here to be similarly so. Violence being referred to for example? Being unnecessarily aggressive in criticising?

vaio

I’m generally with the “kids are kids” school and they’ll be friends or not depending on what day it is or what they had for breakfast.

Parents can encourage and guide but that’s all.

BUT, this is not a being friends issue, it is a formal filmed dance routine that depends on the little darlings linking hands and if they don’t the whole thing ends in tears.(as it did)

OP, I can understand you were upset but the way you should have dealt with it was to talk to the dance teacher and get the non-hand holding child moved to somewhere where it doesn’t matter if she won’t hold hands.

isitenough

This thread is disgraceful. The OP asked a question, saying she was wrong should suffice. Geez. People need to lighten up and give advice not have a go. Glad I don't post much (and why a lot of people don't venture into the wide open forum).

shellsuit

isitenough wrote: »

This thread is disgraceful. The OP asked a question, saying she was wrong should suffice. Geez. People need to lighten up and give advice not have a go. Glad I don't post much (and why a lot of people don't venture into the wide open forum).

That's what happened until OP started jumping down people's throats.

ALIBOBSY

Whilst I think the OP could have dealt with the whole thing in a much better way I can understand where she is coming from. However something she needs to remember is at this sort of age telling children off or trying to discuss things after the event is a bit of a waste. If I saw a child, any child doing something violent or truly bullying such as being destructive, violent to another child, extreme name calling, throwing stones etc. I would and have spoken to them at the time. You don't shout though you speak to them calmly and firmly like a teacher would. If the parent came up you speak to them in the same way, I have never met a parent who wasn't glad if you stopped their child doing something dangerous or extreme.
However sometimes kids are just kids and this doesn't sound like bullying so much as the usual kid stuff that goes on. The best bet would have been a word to the parents weeks ago about the situation.

I also think the dance teacher is at fault, someone should have stepped in and comforted the child. In fact if I was the OP I would have popped to the side of the stage and snuck her daughter off till she felt better.
The dance teacher isn't up to much is she would leave a child of that age crying and if fact let the incident grow. If she had just stepped in and said quietly to both girls, "come on now girls hold hands nicely" the whole thing would probably have been avoided.

My DD1 (6) had her nativity yesterday and it was lovely, but the teachers had to do a few loud prompts and shuffle people around on stage lol. In fact one little girl got a bit upset and a teacher immediately gave her a hug and snuck her outside for a cuddle and a calm down. You can't expect it to be a proffessional performance DVD or no DVD. I would consider moving the child to a different dance school, not because of the other child but because the teacher seems incapable of dealing with young children.

Ali x

aliasojo

isitenough wrote: »

This thread is disgraceful. The OP asked a question, saying she was wrong should suffice. Geez. People need to lighten up and give advice not have a go. Glad I don't post much (and why a lot of people don't venture into the wide open forum).

Whilst I agree with you in theory, I also think you get as you give. The OP in her own words, was a little provocative shall we say (I'm being kind here....especially with her comment about the Father and her description of his daughter). So imo, it's not really surprising she got like for like.

Personally I agree that points can be made in measured ways but if you 'give' (as she did) then you have to be ready to 'get' as well.

Caroline73_2

aliasojo wrote: »

Whilst I agree with you in theory, I also think you get as you give. The OP in her own words, was a little provocative shall we say (I'm being kind here....especially with her comment about the Father and her description of his daughter). So imo, it's not really surprising she got like for like.

Personally I agree that points can be made in measured ways but if you 'give' (as she did) then you have to be ready to 'get' as well.

and the OP asked if she was wrong. When I said she was wrong I justified why I thought so.

Wickedkitten

ukjoel wrote: »

This board is full of too many people expecting tea and sympathy when they need to take a proper look at themselves and their behaviour.

I find that to be a major problem not only in this thread but in others as well. Usually with the outcome being when the person doesn't like what they are hearing, the bullying word gets flung around.


The OP was definitely out of line

aliasojo

Caroline73 wrote: »

and the OP asked if she was wrong. When I said she was wrong I justified why I thought so.

That's a good point.

I don't agree with isitenough....I think it's better to give a reason why someone gives the answer they do, it helps in the understanding.