AM, I, in the wrong??

kegg_2

I cant see why it is being called bullyiing. Does every child have to be friends with everyone now for fear of being called a bully?

There has been no name calling, hiting, shouting at or such like.

She just doesn't want to play with yours. And you say when she ignores your child, your daughter just talks at her more loudly. Well maybe this child now sees your child as bossy as if she is talking loudly over her.

MrsTinks

Now as a former bully victim I can appreciate how horrid it is to be bullied... but let me assure you that not being played with or other children refusing to hold my hand would NOT have entered my mind as being bullied... being bullied was the verbal and physcial abuse I suffered at the hands (and feet) of my childhood peers... Ranging from snide remarks to physcial violence. Maybe I'm made of sterner stuff or someone refusing to play with me and holding my hand IS bullying these days?
I only have a yound toddler but I can ASSURE you that if I came round the corner and saw another parent talking to her and she was in floods of tears and you were obviously the cause then stern words would be getting off lightly! I would be so far past furious that it's not even funny!
Were you in the wrong? Yes! It's not your child, it's not even a child you know well - how would you feel if you'd come across another parent talking to YOUR child and she was in floods of tears???
How they behaved on stage has very little bearing on things - they're 5! I have a niece that's 5 and a halfbrother that's 6 - yes they can be little horrors but we as parents and family LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Starting a shouting match and calling a 5 year old "a horrid nasty little girl" is NOT setting a good example.

I hope that you intend to appologise to not only the father but definitely the child and explain to your daughter that you shouldn't have got angry and argued with him because that's not a nice thing to do and not how you resolve conflicts with other people.
Hopefully he'll be a bigger person than I would because I would do my utmost to have you and your child removed from the class to be honest... Failing that I'd vote with my feet because I wouldn't want my child to be around someone who may or may not burst into fits of rage because a child won't hold hands with theirs...

domestic_goddess

In my opinion, you were quite clearly in the wrong!

If you had approached my child and started asking them questions then I would most certainly have been annoyed with you. When the little girls parent quite rightly challenged you, you have acknowledged that you 'flew' at the father who was defending his FIVE year old against a stranger who was quizzing her.

You were extremely rude to him and if your daughter was anywhere near you have just set her a very bad example.

I would also not post a question on here about your actions if you are not willing to listen to the responses that you get. You have been rude to people who disagree with you so why ask for opinions.

MrsTinks

kegg wrote: »

I cant see why it is being called bullyiing. Does every child have to be friends with everyone now for fear of being called a bully?

There has been no name calling, hiting, shouting at or such like.

She just doesn't want to play with yours. And you say when she ignores your child, your daughter just talks at her more loudly. Well maybe this child now sees your child as bossy as if she is talking loudly over her.

actually a good point - she might see your daughter not as bossy but as aggressive... the initial reason she ignored your daughter could be innocent enough, but if she's persieving your DD as shouting at her then frankly that would explain the reluctance to not only speak to her but also hold hands.

domestic_goddess

MrsTine wrote: »

Now as a former bully victim I can appreciate how horrid it is to be bullied... but let me assure you that not being played with or other children refusing to hold my hand would NOT have entered my mind as being bullied... being bullied was the verbal and physcial abuse I suffered at the hands (and feet) of my childhood peers... Ranging from snide remarks to physcial violence. Maybe I'm made of sterner stuff or someone refusing to play with me and holding my hand IS bullying these days?
I only have a yound toddler but I can ASSURE you that if I came round the corner and saw another parent talking to her and she was in floods of tears and you were obviously the cause then stern words would be getting off lightly! I would be so far past furious that it's not even funny!
Were you in the wrong? Yes! It's not your child, it's not even a child you know well - how would you feel if you'd come across another parent talking to YOUR child and she was in floods of tears???
How they behaved on stage has very little bearing on things - they're 5! I have a niece that's 5 and a halfbrother that's 6 - yes they can be little horrors but we as parents and family LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Starting a shouting match and calling a 5 year old "a horrid nasty little girl" is NOT setting a good example.

I hope that you intend to appologise to not only the father but definitely the child and explain to your daughter that you shouldn't have got angry and argued with him because that's not a nice thing to do and not how you resolve conflicts with other people.
Hopefully he'll be a bigger person than I would because I would do my utmost to have you and your child removed from the class to be honest... Failing that I'd vote with my feet because I wouldn't want my child to be around someone who may or may not burst into fits of rage because a child won't hold hands with theirs...

:T I could not agree more

Dave101t

your child is certainly a wet blanket, and you pander to it, well done.

Mupette

Hi tootsie

good luck today, i did think of your dilema, and in hindsight yes probably not the right thing to do.

A five year old having a big grown up asking her lots of questions.. would probably reduce me to tears... but.. you were an upset parent and i can completely understand that.

That aside today you will be seeing the father and daughter again,
Go straight to the dad and apologise for upsetting his daughter, you did what his daughter did, you upset his child, she upset yours. Things can be said in the heat of the moment and we are all i am sure of being guilty of that.

Then ask the dance teacher if the girls can be moved around if the other child doesn't want to hold your daughters hand, if this little girl won't hold another girls hand then you know it's nothing personal against your little girl.

5 year olds can be nasty, they can and do pick up from what they see around them.
Not all little girls are made of sugar and spice.

But do speak with the dad and really apologise, put yourself in his shoes, he saw a grown up speak to his daughter, that grown up said something to upset her, of course there would be a reaction.

If he allows (maybe he will insist) apologise to his daughter and maybe offer and invitation home for tea to show your not all mean.

And lastly enjoy the play

Bargain_Rzl

shellsuit wrote: »

They are only little, I don't think a 5yr old would have it in them to be nasty on purpose, just more like "don't want to do that!" kind of attitude.

Sorry but I must disagree, I remember being that age (bit younger actually) and I vividly remember being a horrible vindictive little sh*t to one other girl at playgroup just cos she was smaller than me and it made me feel good to let her know where she was in the pecking order Obviously I am not proud of it now!

Children are not little angels and neither are most 5 year olds incapable of being aware of the effect of their own actions on others.

I must say I do think you were in the wrong, OP, and the right way to handle it would have been to speak to the child's father.

Threebabes

My DD has just gone 6 and I know how horrible 5 yr olds can be.

I imagine you spoke to the kid because you were frustrated. I would speak to dance teacher and explain whats happening and apologise to the dad for what happened. I dont think anyone would be happy seeing an adult make their kid cry. You are obviously under a lot of stress at the moment and probably acted out of character (hopefully).

tsstss7

Not sure what I would have done in your situation OP but I can see why you did what you did - I probably would be more vindictive behind the scenes and ask the teacher to not put my LO in that situation again by making her stand next to the child who obviously doesn't like her. (I'm not the confrontation type though).

I'll always be nice to other peoples children - because they are people and deserve respect too but I wont necessarily give out many second chances.