AM, I, in the wrong??

jinky67

shellsuit wrote: »

They are only little, I don't think a 5yr old would have it in them to be nasty on purpose

kegg wrote: »

How does a 5 year old force other children to ignore yours?

oh believe me its really easy:rolleyes:

one child did that to my DD at school...she wouldnt let anyone else near her ever, like my DD was her property.....she knew she was doing it:mad:

Caroline73_2

tandraig wrote: »

havent seen OPs name now for two whole pages! think she has been punished (bullied) by people on here enough now!!!! so her child was upset and she over-reacted! she didnt hit the other child did she? Do you all scourge yourselves and self - flagellate if you upset your OWN children and make them cry? of course not.
Perhaps I am getting too old but when i was a kid (like another poster) any adult was allowed to chastise me with the full support of my parents. can remember one large woman slapping my face (hard) for playing cherry knocker (knock the door and run away), of course my mum saw the hand mark on my face and asked how i got it. I told her - did she go and deck the woman? did she hell - she slapped the other side! All us kids saw this as normal. we were kids and all grown-ups had power over us. so for gods sake cut the OP some slack!

No she didn't hit the child but then the 'nasty little girl' didn't hit her child.

MrsTinks

tandraig wrote: »

aliasojo - you said they were a bit harsh? I found them a lot harsh, for a mum whose first thought was for her little one. then thought again. then posted on here? I think she got the message on the first page. subsequent posts were more than a bit harsh. and tbh some people were advocating violence against her - dont you agree thats bullying?

I don't recall anyone "advocating violence" - I recall seeing several people - me included - who pointed out that OUR reactions to what SHE did wouldn't have been half as restrained as the father of the other girl... why? Because if she really thinks that this is the way forward in future then the next thread on here is likely to be "Another parent at my DDs dance class HIT me!!".


Now obviously I grew up in a namby pamby world because I got smacked twice as far as I can recall and both were deserved and delivered by my mum... I dread to think what the reaction would have been if someone else had laid a hand on me!

I agree that some parents don't diciplin their children and frankly that has caused a lot of the problems our over worked police force has to deal with every day now... However there is no indication that this is or was the case with this child so why are we going down that route? The issue wasn't that the other girl was bullying the OPs DD. She had ignored her in past and wouldn't hold hands with her on stage. For all we know the girl is scared of the OPs DD because she shouts at her So why assume that the father isn't bringing his child up properly? I think he was remarkably restrained because I cannot hand on heart promise you that I would be if that had been me! If my child does wrong then I'll deal with it - and trust me it won't be grounding them for one evening... Actions had consequences when I was a kid - same as they will have for my daughter. But likewise I would never dream of confronting a small child in a manner such that she burst into tears and then proceed to call her names to her father... and for what? Refusing to hold hands... because THAT is now bullying?

:rolleyes:

please...

KarmaPolice

Hi OP, I'm sorry I don't have any sound advice but I just wanted to say I hope you get the situation sorted. I have a 1 yr old and I know how I would feel.

Must be horrible for you and your little girl.

tandraig

MrsTine wrote: »

I don't recall anyone "advocating violence" - I recall seeing several people - me included - who pointed out that OUR reactions to what SHE did wouldn't have been half as restrained as the father of the other girl... why? Because if she really thinks that this is the way forward in future then the next thread on here is likely to be "Another parent at my DDs dance class HIT me!!".


Now obviously I grew up in a namby pamby world because I got smacked twice as far as I can recall and both were deserved and delivered by my mum... I dread to think what the reaction would have been if someone else had laid a hand on me!

I agree that some parents don't diciplin their children and frankly that has caused a lot of the problems our over worked police force has to deal with every day now... However there is no indication that this is or was the case with this child so why are we going down that route? The issue wasn't that the other girl was bullying the OPs DD. She had ignored her in past and wouldn't hold hands with her on stage. For all we know the girl is scared of the OPs DD because she shouts at her So why assume that the father isn't bringing his child up properly? I think he was remarkably restrained because I cannot hand on heart promise you that I would be if that had been me! If my child does wrong then I'll deal with it - and trust me it won't be grounding them for one evening... Actions had consequences when I was a kid - same as they will have for my daughter. But likewise I would never dream of confronting a small child in a manner such that she burst into tears and then proceed to call her names to her father... and for what? Refusing to hold hands... because THAT is now bullying?

:rolleyes:

please...

so if you saw YOUR child in tears because of another child - you wouldnt ask that child why she wouldnt hold your childs hand? thats unreasonable is it? follows on that we should NEVER scold another parents child - huh too bloody PC for me! could be why kids have no respect for authority - mummy or daddy wont let their little darlings take the consequences for their actions!
and some posters did say that they would take physical action! in defence of their little darlings - and then condemned the OP for doing a lot less! hipocritical or what?

MrsTinks

You're assuming that the other childs parents don't make their child take the consequences for their actions - for all we know the father might have been on his way to ask his daughter what was going on and why she wouldn't hold the other girls hand. And no I'd never scold another parents child! I've managed 30 years on this planet without doing so and I hope to manage another 30 or 40 in the same manner. Many a time I have felt the urge to trip over an out of control brat in Tesco's when they are runnign round screaming and especially recently when they have startled my baby daughter awake and scared her - but the only action I have ever taken was to nicely ask their parent to please ask their child if they could be a little more quiet because they are scaring my daughter.

And I don't buy that the child burst into tears because she was asked in a friendly way with a big smile why she wouldn't hold x's hand... because I've never yet come across a child that would burst into tears when approached like that...

Other posters have said they would take physical action - yes - because there is a world of difference between 2 5 year olds not talking to each other or holding hands and an adult intimidating a 5 year old child!

Blackpool_Saver

It won't be long before the father sees how his child was pulling her hand away, and I hope after watching the video he talks to his daughter about it.

In future speak to a teacher or the parent, I would hate to see you get in trouble for making a rash decision to go to the child in the heat of the moment when you were on overload.

We have all done things we regret or thought better of later.

Let us know what happens.

Hugs re your sister.

Janepig

tandraig wrote: »

so if you saw YOUR child in tears because of another child - you wouldnt ask that child why she wouldnt hold your childs hand? thats unreasonable is it? follows on that we should NEVER scold another parents child - huh too bloody PC for me! could be why kids have no respect for authority - mummy or daddy wont let their little darlings take the consequences for their actions!
and some posters did say that they would take physical action! in defence of their little darlings - and then condemned the OP for doing a lot less! hipocritical or what?

No, I wouldn't actually. How bloody trivial can you get. In fact, I'd be saying to my DD (and have had to say to her in the past when she's been upset over silly five year old girl tiffs) to ignore her behaviour and go and be friends with someone else. For goodness sake they are five year old girls. Five. That's all. Not much more than babies. Just starting to make their way through the minefield of social niceties!!

Having said that, I wouldn't resort to physical violence had I been the father in question here, and I doubt that the majority of the posters who have said they would really would react in that way. I would be questioning what had gone on before wading in one way or another.

DS is 3 and often moans that his best friend has "hitted" him, when I know for a fact that he can give as good as he gets, but he's not going to tell me that his buddy hit him because DS hit him first is he?!! So I take very little notice because they're the best of pals and typical boisterous boys - I'd make myself look very stupid if I went bonkers every time my son accused his friend of hitting him.

Jxx

Rachel83

tandraig wrote: »

so if you saw YOUR child in tears because of another child - you wouldnt ask that child why she wouldnt hold your childs hand? thats unreasonable is it? follows on that we should NEVER scold another parents child - huh too bloody PC for me! could be why kids have no respect for authority - mummy or daddy wont let their little darlings take the consequences for their actions!

Come on the little girl is 5! Not like a teenager or something why not go to the dad and say did you see that? Then say this and thats been going on instead of going to the 5 year old 1st?
How do you know this little 5 year olds scared to go to dancing now?
I know my 4 year old would be petrefied reguardless of what she's done, I'd much rather speak to her myself than let a woman I do not know question her and reduce her to tears.

aliasojo

tandraig wrote: »

aliasojo - you said they were a bit harsh? I found them a lot harsh, for a mum whose first thought was for her little one. then thought again. then posted on here? I think she got the message on the first page. subsequent posts were more than a bit harsh. and tbh some people were advocating violence against her - dont you agree thats bullying?

Tbh, no I don't. Unpleasant and unnecessary....definitely but not bullying.

I think the bullying accusation gets used far too lightly these days, it's such a horrible thing that should be taken very seriously and I think we run the risk of lessening it if we use it for just anything unpleasant we come across.

I think some posts were unpleasant, yes...but I can't agree the writers of them are bullies. Sorry, we'll just need to agree to disagree on that.

As for not coming back, I also agree with the poster who said that was because the OP wasn't being agreed with and she didn't like the criticism. My impression was that she was too quick to 'attack' (figure of speech) and didn't like being told so. We only have a few of the OP's words to form an opinion on and some of us have a different take on the situation to others.

Anyway, whatever happens , I hope the kids get past this and a huge issue doesn't develop because of it. Kids will forget a lot quicker than adults will, as long as the adults don't stuff it up in their 'wisdom'.