Grandparents I need your opinion.....

edited 31 March 2011 at 10:43AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
139 replies 17.2K views
145791014

Replies

  • jinky67jinky67 Forumite
    47.8K Posts
    Hey Candy, you have nothing to feel sorry about
    She is being exceedingly selfish, acting like a child
    She would be stuffed without you, and I am sure she knows it
    My Mum would have shown me the door long before now if I dared to act like that
    I think you should call her bluff as well, because with you always backing down, I dont think she is taking you seriously

    YOU are entitled to a life as well, even more so than she is....you have done your bit
    :heartpulsOnce a Flylady, always a Flylady:heartpuls
  • andrealmandrealm Forumite
    1.7K Posts
    That is appalling! You need to put your foot down now. She has no idea how lucky she is to have you. You sound like a lovely mum and granny, she should be grateful for all that you do for her, not throw a hissy fit on the rare occasions you say no to babysitting. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to babysit if they were ill.

    I think if you say no to babysitting for a couple of weekends, she might start to realise that you have your own life and won't take you for granted so much.

    I have a great DH but we don't have much family support, my mum is dead, my MIL used help us but she's in her 70s and her mobility isn't great so she just isn't able to babysit any more. My dad is also in his 70s and is very fit for his age but doesn't want to babysit. He's taken them for a walk for an hour a few times if I've been ill and have begged for help but even then it would be on his terms. DH and I haven't had an evening out for a year and a half. We were always grateful for any help my MIL gave us, we didn't want to take her for granted and if she was ill or had other plans we certainly wouldn't have complained.

    I would give anything to have someone happy to help even occasionally when I'm struggling. If/when I am a granny I would be happy to babysit now and then as I know how hard it is when you don't have much support but I wouldn't tolerate being taken for granted.
  • edited 30 November 2009 at 3:44PM
    DaisyFlowerDaisyFlower Forumite
    2.7K Posts
    edited 30 November 2009 at 3:44PM
    candygirl wrote: »
    As some of you know, I have a lovely DGD aged 8 months:DI idoloise her and look after her at least 2 days a week as well as a weekend night most weeks so my DD can go to college, go out etc.I enjoy having her, and have even made her own bedroom for when she stays, and she is a really good baby:D
    However sometimes I can't always say yea to babysitting, as I am going out, or as has happened this week I have been ill, plus have had a new kitchen fitted so my house is in complete disruption :oI have prob said no about 3 times in 8 months, and today I have said I can't babysit tonight as my DGD is ill, and I am, as well as the kitchen thing.My DD has now put on fb that i'm selfish and lazy!!:eek::eek:
    I know it's childish and I know i'm not selfish, or lazy but I am really hurt:(:(
    I'd appreciate any advice from any other Grandparents as how to move forward with this situation, as talking and trying to reason with her always results in more verbal abuse :(
    The feeling I get is that she doesn't want/expect me to have any life myself, and every time I try to do anything independent I get all sorts of hassle :rolleyes:I do however feel like I do more than enough for her and my DGD, without any appreciation:confused::confused:

    I think your daughter needs to grow up and realise that having a child is a huge responsibility.

    Personally, that FB comment would have really upset me if I was in that situation and there is no way I would be babysitting again. Grandparents can still have a great relationship with their GC without babysitting them.

    Let her start paying for a babysitter like thousands of people have too when they have no family support. The more you help, the more she'll take you for granted and tbh it sounds like she needs to spend more time with her child if you used to have your GC three times a week.

    I've asked DS's grandmother to babysit twice in six years, I understand she has her own life and should now being enjoying it to the full now that she has the freedom to do so.
  • tandraigtandraig Forumite
    2.3K Posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    candygirl - I understand you are worried your DD would stop you seeing your DGD - but - put your foot down hun! as I said before tell her you will babysit for her to go to college (even tho most colleges now have creche facilities so alternative childcare isnt impossible).
    I may have sounded as if i spoke to kids in a calm and reasonable way when i told them babysitting arrangements were going to change! it started that way but when it went into the 'well you have bros kids more than mine' malarky - I am afraid I lost my temper........the upshot was I told the lot of them they were effing lucky I babysat at all - no law said I had to and I did it because i loved the kids - but if nothing I do will please them - then i will DO nothing!!! and stormed off.
    took about ten minutes for them to have a sibling meeting and come and apologise!
    now they ask nicely at least a week in advance if i could possibly, please have the kids (apart from the working one who lets me know her shifts for the week on sundays). result I think?
  • tandraigtandraig Forumite
    2.3K Posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    Candygirl - also meant to say - your DD DOESNT have you over a barrel! its other way around. she wont get baby into creche this late in the college year - and would YOUR mum be prepared to childmind? (make sure mum says no) sorry to say but your DD feels she owns you. even if she goes off in huff - i bet a week of not being able to go to college or out on the razz and she will be begging you to babysit again!
    or - you could always get registered as a childminder - and ask her to apply for the vouchers - and keep it on a business footing!
  • webithawebitha Forumite
    4.8K Posts
    candy , you want me to go round and have a word in her shell like???? lol

    you ar not selfish far from it, from the chats we used to have, you must be the most selfless person i know,
    yes she is acting like a brat, and i guarantee she will run back to you with her tail between her legs, once you and mum stop the sitting for a week or two.
    being drunk is not a defence as she said it again when sober, she has been brought up better than this, as you are a good mum and a great nanna.
    perhaps the thought of her having this small child depending on her completely, and her carefree life as she knew it coming to an end, has scared her, and she is taking it out on those closest ie you.
    well if she think now is bad, wait til the angel hits 2 and 4 years then there is always the teens lol
    If we can put a man on the moon...how come we cant put them all there?

  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    webitha wrote: »
    candy , you want me to go round and have a word in her shell like???? lol

    you ar not selfish far from it, from the chats we used to have, you must be the most selfless person i know,
    yes she is acting like a brat, and i guarantee she will run back to you with her tail between her legs, once you and mum stop the sitting for a week or two.
    being drunk is not a defence as she said it again when sober, she has been brought up better than this, as you are a good mum and a great nanna.
    perhaps the thought of her having this small child depending on her completely, and her carefree life as she knew it coming to an end, has scared her, and she is taking it out on those closest ie you.
    well if she think now is bad, wait til the angel hits 2 and 4 years then there is always the teens lol
    aww thanks hun:Ayea I can't wait for the terrible twos, as she is a feisty little one already:rotfl::rotfl:I think you're right about the responsibilty maybe being too much, but she's had more help than anyone I know ;)
    Hope your lot are ok hun xx:D
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    There's no way i'd wanna be a child minder, as am a qualified teacher, albeit a sick one at the mo;):o
    She also says she never goes out, even though she goes out every week:rolleyes:
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
  • webithawebitha Forumite
    4.8K Posts
    my lot are still breathing...just
    nah they being good...sucking up to father christmas. oh how i love this time of year, bribery is everything lol

    seriously if you need a friendly ear, inc a bottle or three of vino, then you know where i am
    If we can put a man on the moon...how come we cant put them all there?

  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    webitha wrote: »
    my lot are still breathing...just
    nah they being good...sucking up to father christmas. oh how i love this time of year, bribery is everything lol

    seriously if you need a friendly ear, inc a bottle or three of vino, then you know where i am
    Awww I love the whole Santa vibe:DAm going away at weekend but will catch up soon xx:A
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

PCR tests to end for fully vaccinated

Travellers returning to England in Oct

MSE News

Free Homebuilding & Renovating Show tix

London, Harrogate & Shepton Mallet

MSE Deals