Grandparents I need your opinion.....

sjc3

candygirl wrote: »

Another update:She rang me on Sunday night and asked me to go round and look after Boo while she has her scan on Friday:I obviously said yea, but also that I can't be used as and when she sees fit, and also can't cope with being stopped from seeing Boo:mad::mad:
Her theory is that she has never stopped me from seeing her, despite changing her phone number, and ignoring the door, my notes etc, so it's back to lala land again;);)
I want to see Boo, but don't have the strength to get on the emotional rollercoaster again:(:(

I have read through this thread and am shocked and dismayed at the way your daughter treats you candygirl. Your grandaughter has obviously not forgotten you by the way she ran up to you at the party recently.

Im not sure what is going on in your daughters head for her to think that by changing her number, ignoring when you visit and write she is not stopping you from having contact. It makes me wonder what she is telling your grandaughter to explain away your absence.

Have a good chat with your grandaughter when you see her and just re-iterate how much you love her and miss her and how important she is too you. It is all you can do and will mean alot to her. Your daughter is setting herself up for a big fall one of these days, her child will not respect what she is doing when she is older.

Abbafan1972

Aww Candygirl, you've really been through it haven't you?

Sorry to hear about how your DD has been treating you, you really don't deserve it.

We are looking from the other side as we are the parents to 2 lovely DD's (aged 7 & 9) and I wish they had Grandparents like you.

My parents are really great and do have the girls during the school holiday (although OH and I use holidays to cover most of it), I only work 2 days so it's not much of an issue. When they're at school they go to school club, but go to my parents for tea just one night a week. If we want to go out more often then we have a paid sitter for that.

It's my inlaws that are the problem. They haven't seen their grandkids since last October, as they refuse to come and visit. It was always up to my DH to drop them round there of a Saturday or Sunday, but we always had to wait for MIL to phone, but she would always leave it till the Friday to phone and so we got !!!!!! off as we felt we could never plan anything at the weekend.

It's not like they live far away (half a mile) and I have never stopped them from visiting. Mil wouldn't babysit if we wanted to go out, but has always had plenty of time for my DH's niece and nephew (sleepovers and endless babysitting), but wasn't interested in our kids. Their greyhounds and racing them is more important apparently. So We have cut them off completely.

DH saw his Mom in the doctors waiting room yesterday morning, she said a very sheepish hello, but DH ignored her.

I hope you manage to sort things out with your daughter.

candygirl

Aww thanks everyone, I really appreciate the replies.Been to see my old Aunty (89) today who reckons a good old fashioned boll0cking and kick up the bum is in order:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T:TI wish it was that simple;):D

Abbafan1972

Lol Candygirl.

I've just realised that your DGD's birthday is the same day as my youngest (she's 7).

How old is your Mom then? (If you don't mind me asking), I noticed you said she looked after your DGD. My Kids Great-Nan (My nan obviously) is 90 and in a nursing home, so no way she could look after them! :eek:

candygirl

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Lol Candygirl.

I've just realised that your DGD's birthday is the same day as my youngest (she's 7).

How old is your Mom then? (If you don't mind me asking), I noticed you said she looked after your DGD. My Kids Great-Nan (My nan obviously) is 90 and in a nursing home, so no way she could look after them! :eek:

My Mum is 67 hun, and has 2 young Grandkids of her own, and isn't really fit to look after them as she has a bad knee and finds it hard to get about:(

Abbafan1972

How are things going Candygirl? Was looking for another thread and came across this one.

candygirl

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

How are things going Candygirl? Was looking for another thread and came across this one.

Hi hun.Am seeing DGD again but things will never be the same again, IYSWIM, as i'm waiting for the next kick off;);)DD is having another baby soon so needs me at the mo, and I want to see DGD so am in a cleft stick situ really:o:o
Have tried to lay down some ground rules though, and wont be as available for non stop babysitting like last time;):D:D

Primrose

Your daughter is very fortunate to have had such support from you for so long, but I wonder if you didn't spoil her slightly in earlier life and give her expectations that this kind of personal service would be continuing indefinitely.

I'd invent whatever excuse is suitable and pull back completely for a while. It will give her time to consider how supportive and helpful you've been in the past. It's time for you to be a little more assertive about how you want to live your own life, and a lot less apologetic about it.

candygirl

Primrose wrote: »

Your daughter is very fortunate to have had such support from you for so long, but I wonder if you didn't spoil her slightly in earlier life and give her expectations that this kind of personal service would be continuing indefinitely.

I'd invent whatever excuse is suitable and pull back completely for a while. It will give her time to consider how supportive and helpful you've been in the past. It's time for you to be a little more assertive about how you want to live your own life, and a lot less apologetic about it.

Yea I did hun, I had her, then lost a baby when she was 18 months, then split with her Dad:o:oShe was spoiled in a lot of ways, as I was trying to compensate for her absent Dad:o:o
I have told her seeing as she's "so happy" with her bf that I wont be there 24/7 this time, and as i'm in quite a new relationship this suits me fine:D:D