Grandparents I need your opinion.....

edited 31 March 2011 at 10:43AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
139 replies 17.2K views
candygirlcandygirl Forumite
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As some of you know, I have a lovely DGD aged 8 months:DI idoloise her and look after her at least 2 days a week as well as a weekend night most weeks so my DD can go to college, go out etc.I enjoy having her, and have even made her own bedroom for when she stays, and she is a really good baby:D
However sometimes I can't always say yea to babysitting, as I am going out, or as has happened this week I have been ill, plus have had a new kitchen fitted so my house is in complete disruption :oI have prob said no about 3 times in 8 months, and today I have said I can't babysit tonight as my DGD is ill, and I am, as well as the kitchen thing.My DD has now put on fb that i'm selfish and lazy!!:eek::eek:
I know it's childish and I know i'm not selfish, or lazy but I am really hurt:(:(
I'd appreciate any advice from any other Grandparents as how to move forward with this situation, as talking and trying to reason with her always results in more verbal abuse :(
The feeling I get is that she doesn't want/expect me to have any life myself, and every time I try to do anything independent I get all sorts of hassle :rolleyes:I do however feel like I do more than enough for her and my DGD, without any appreciation:confused::confused:
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  • Ruby_MoonRuby_Moon Forumite
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    Well I only babysit for my grandchildren when the Mum's go to work and perhaps 2 or 3 other times a year!
    I love having them, however, I have had my children and do not want to bring up anymore. I also don't think its very healthy for my daughters to think they can just go out when they want, so now they don't ask really.
    I have a similar situation at the moment with one daughter because I won't let her do something. She has been complaining about me to her other sisters. I'm a big girl now and I'm not in the least bit swayed by the attempt at emotional blackmail.
    If you give in every time your kids want then they become complacent and non appreciative. Stand your ground and enjoy your life. You have done your bit.
  • JoyfulJoyful Forumite
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    I agree with the above. My family will ask but also accept that I have a life. The problem I can see is if you are helping your Daughter to go to college then she needs to have back up if you are ill but she should also be appreciative of any help you do give her,
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  • SagarisSagaris Forumite
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    Verbal abuse? Sorry but that would be my sign to stop all babysitting until your DD can appreciate your help!!! That is really rude of your her, if you withdraw all help with your DGD I'm sure your DD will soon come to her senses and realise you help out because you want to - not because you have to.

    Nip it in the bud now, or your life will no longer be your own!
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  • gill_81ukgill_81uk Forumite
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    That's awful candygirl! I am not a grandparent but am currently expecting my first child.

    I know my parents would be happy to babysit when I need them but there is no way I would let them do it every weekend as well as days through the week!

    I think your daughter is the selfish one, you are being more than generous with your time and she is definitely taking you for granted. Could you try sending her an email if talking just leads to arguments pointing out for often you have you gd, and that although you love having her there will be times you can't and that you need your own life as well? You could possibly point her in the direction of this thread to show her how much it has upset you and what other peoples views are.

    I hope you get it sorted.
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  • aliasojoaliasojo Forumite
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    candygirl wrote: »
    My DD has now put on fb that i'm selfish and lazy!!:eek::eek:
    I know it's childish and I know i'm not selfish, or lazy but I am really hurt:(:(
    I'd appreciate any advice from any other Grandparents as how to move forward with this situation, as talking and trying to reason with her always results in more verbal abuse :(
    The feeling I get is that she doesn't want/expect me to have any life myself, and every time I try to do anything independent I get all sorts of hassle :rolleyes:I do however feel like I do more than enough for her and my DGD, without any appreciation:confused::confused:

    Stop trying to reason with her and tear a strip off her instead.

    She sees you as her doormat. I suspect you and her have just fallen into a way of working that suits her purpose and now, instead of thinking about the situation, she has has had a kneejerk reaction to her boat being rocked.

    Personally, I would not let this pass. No need to turn it into an argument but you do need to address it, imo.
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  • sandiepsandiep Forumite
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    My parents have babysat for my 2 girlies in total less than 10 times, over 8 years. And yes both hubby and me work fulltime, and yes they live less than 10 miles away from me. 52 days in the school summer holidays and they didn't offer to help once. It's just not their thing.

    Personally, I think you are giving a very great deal to your daughter and grandaughter. If I had even 1/100th the help that you provide I would be a far more chilled, happier person, and would spend a lot less of the school holidays biting my childrens heads off due to frustration from trying to juggle them, telephones, work, emails, and far too frequent migraines.

    Anyway, I digress, leave your daughter to chill for a couple of days, ignore the comments undoubtably made in haste, rise and be the better person, safe in the knowledge that you truely are supporting your daughter and granddaughter properly (and yes, that does include giving her the odd dip into the harsh realities where sometimes you need to cancel your own plans because of childcare arrangements (or in my case permanently!!))
  • tanithtanith Forumite
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    I agree with other posters , nip it in the bud... I am loving Nan to lots of grands and my middle daughter just spent a few days in hospital with a nasty chest infection and I was happy to step in and have her children stay over to help out, but I don't often babysit neither of my girls ask me very often and its only a special occasion. Of course if someone is sick and can't go to school I am happy to step in so my daughter can go to work.. but they do not take it for granted that I am available and are so much more appreciative when they know they can rely on me in an emergency.. your DD is very childish to put such a thing on FB...
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  • nearlyrichnearlyrich Forumite
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    My first reaction was what an immature DD you have, it's not your responsibility to look after her child but hers and she should appreciate all that you do. Being a mum means not always getting to do what you want and she needs to grow up, my only thought is if she is putting this rubbish on FB is she the kind of person to use emotional blackmail over you seing your DGD?
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  • SkippycatSkippycat Forumite
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    I think that her behaviour is absolutely awful! I'm not surprised that you're upset - you have every right to be so! I think that she needs to accept that the child is her responsibility and NOT yours. It seems that it's a widespread problem nowadays that plenty of people are happy to have babies but when it comes to looking after them they're happy to hand them to anyone else at the drop of a hat. I think you need to set some ground rules and if I were you I certainly would expect a proper apology before even entertaining the idea of babysitting again. I don't know how old she is but she certainly needs to grow up and the sooner the better! If she has time to spend whinging on FB then she has time to look after her own child.
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  • Zazen999Zazen999 Forumite
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    What you need is a PinkShoes comment for her.
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