Grandparents I need your opinion.....

edited 31 March 2011 at 10:43AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
139 replies 17.2K views
1356714

Replies

  • pavlovs_dogpavlovs_dog Forumite
    10.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Candygirl if you too are on facebook, perhaps communicate with her in a manner that she'll understand. A status saying that you cant believe how rude, inconsiderate and ungrateful your daughter is being when she was brought up better than that ought to do the trick!
    know thyself
    Nid wy'n gofyn bywyd moethus...
  • candygirl wrote: »
    As some of you know, I have a lovely DGD aged 8 months:DI idoloise her and look after her at least 2 days a week as well as a weekend night most weeks so my DD can go to college, go out etc.I enjoy having her, and have even made her own bedroom for when she stays, and she is a really good baby:D
    However sometimes I can't always say yea to babysitting, as I am going out, or as has happened this week I have been ill, plus have had a new kitchen fitted so my house is in complete disruption :oI have prob said no about 3 times in 8 months, and today I have said I can't babysit tonight as my DGD is ill, and I am, as well as the kitchen thing.My DD has now put on fb that i'm selfish and lazy!!:eek::eek:
    I know it's childish and I know i'm not selfish, or lazy but I am really hurt:(:(
    I'd appreciate any advice from any other Grandparents as how to move forward with this situation, as talking and trying to reason with her always results in more verbal abuse :(
    The feeling I get is that she doesn't want/expect me to have any life myself, and every time I try to do anything independent I get all sorts of hassle :rolleyes:I do however feel like I do more than enough for her and my DGD, without any appreciation:confused::confused:

    Im not a grandparent so cant really advise much... but as a mum i relish any babysitting my mum will do (ive recently been in hospital so my mum came to our rescue)..

    TBH like others have said maybe you should withold the babysitting till your daughter learns to appreceate the freedom you are allowing her.. or make her pay for the childminding services you are doing so she can study etc (as this is what will happen and she has to realise this)

    TBH im absolutly fuming for you............. how ungreatfull ...... i mean ive said some things about my mum (usually when she tries to take over) who doesnt but not out loud (or anywhere she could see) :o
    There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
    Sealed Pot Challenge #308
  • smartpicturesmartpicture Forumite
    888 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    I would be inclined to respond to her comment on Facebook saying 'I look after DG x times a week and have cancelled 3only times in 8 months - who is the selfish, lazy, ungrateful one? You decide!' then leave it to the rest of her friends to hopefully point out the error of her ways.
  • Jojo_the_TightfistedJojo_the_Tightfisted Forumite
    27.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I think your DD is using an inappropriate medium to let off steam. Unless you would rather she started shouting at you in person, it may however, be better to ignore the facebook posting. I agree that looking after a sick baby is not what you need - but perhaps she was at the end of her tether coping with the baby and had pinned her hopes on you saving her sanity?

    However, all these people who huff and puff about how they wouldn't dream of looking after their grandchildren so mum can go gallivanting off for work or an evening probably don't realise quite how much of a gap they are putting between themselves and the children.

    A particular grandparent I have in mind decided that, after babysitting 2 previous grandchildren (fulltime for free), when the youngest had her first child that she wasn't going to help one bit. The mum concerned had to pay minders the money she would happily have given to know that the baby was with someone who was family, so as to remain at work and provide for the little one.

    The grandmother may have intended refusing to help as a way to let the youngest know from the outset that she wasn't to be messed with, then relenting when the daughter was suitably grovelling, but it completely backfired on her.

    The grandmother means nothing to that child and the subsequent one, as they have never been able to have any real involvement from that point onwards; any times that could have been better spent with a much loved Nanny were instead spent with impersonal kids' club employees.

    Sad really. But by sticking to the principle, I suppose it has worked, because she has never been asked to look after them since.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Thanks everyone , I really appreciate your comments and input here:DI know I am far too soft with DD, prob over compensating for her Dad who disappeared when I divorced him:rolleyes:Also her ex partner didn't want to know when she became pregnant, and although she has a new bf now, I have had to help her through the pregnancy, be there at the birth etc:o
    Tonight I got further insults texts in the "selfish and lazy" vein, and my Mum was babysitting for DGD.DD rang and asked if I could get her and have her overnight, so I have done:o
    The reason I have done this is she has threatened to stop me seeing DGD, and I believe she will carry this out:(
    I am going to try and have a talk with her tomorrow, about the issues that seem to trigger her power tripping outbursts, but cannot not see my DGD under any circumstances:o
    I agree with the comments about her being childish, she is actually 22 believe it or not!!:eek::eek:
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
  • Jojo_the_TightfistedJojo_the_Tightfisted Forumite
    27.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Post natal depression?
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Post natal depression?
    I have considered that tbh, but she has always been like this if she doesn't get her own way:o
    Tonight she did have a babysitter , my Mum, but was mad that I couldn't have DGD over night.BTW she did ring and give me verbal abuse, as well as text it too:mad:
    I see the FB thing as an attention seeking thing, but laughably nobody has replied as they all know what I do for her:rolleyes:
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
  • Zazen999Zazen999 Forumite
    6.2K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    I suspect she needs you more than you need her - however she has the upper hand because you want to spend time with your DGD - swings and roundabouts.

    Looks like you'll either have to address the abuse issue and hope that it scares her into seeing things your way - or put up with it.
  • jackiebjackieb Forumite
    27.6K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    How awful for you. Does she have anyone, apart from your mum, who would watch your granddaughter regularly? Will your daughter be stuck without you - how would she get to go to college?

    I can't believe someone would talk to their mum like that. How ungrateful.
  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
    29.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    jackieb wrote: »
    How awful for you. Does she have anyone, apart from your mum, who would watch your granddaughter regularly? Will your daughter be stuck without you - how would she get to go to college?

    I can't believe someone would talk to their mum like that. How ungrateful.
    Hi hun, no there's only me and My Mum, and yea she would be up the creek without me.I agree she is very ungrateful:(
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
This discussion has been closed.
Latest MSE News and Guides

Reclaim payday loans

Get £100s or £1,000s back for being mis-sold

MSE Guides

25% off Dyson eBay outlet

Selected items, via code

MSE Deals