Grandparents I need your opinion.....

Sagaris

You have more patience than me candygirl - with no apology forthcoming for her disgraceful treatment of you, and criticising you to boot, I'm afraid I'd have shown her the door, with the message to come back when she has cultivated a set of manners!

I'm annoyed on your behalf - can she not see how good you are to her, and your DGD?

candygirl

Sagaris wrote: »

You have more patience than me candygirl - with no apology forthcoming for her disgraceful treatment of you, and criticising you to boot, I'm afraid I'd have shown her the door, with the message to come back when she has cultivated a set of manners!

I'm annoyed on your behalf - can she not see how good you are to her, and your DGD?

Sadly not:(:(

candygirl

aliasojo wrote: »

Just curious, but what was your reaction to this? You're telling us what she says and does but you're not mentioning what your reaction back to her is. I'm wondering what your side of the conversation or texts would be like from her pov, iyswim.

I didn't text back or respond to the fb message, but on the phone I just listened to her ranting, and said I couldn't babysit for all the reasons previously stated.I stayed calm:o

candygirl

red_devil wrote: »

wheres the father cant he look after her!

She doesn't trust him with her on his own yet, and never at night:cool:He has only just started seeing her recently tbh:o

fabforty

candygirl wrote: »

She said once again that i'm lazy and selfish, and never do anything for anybody else, which is as far from the truth as you can possibly get:rolleyes:Anyway I explained that I will have DGD every week when she goes to college, and when I can at the weekends, but if I say no there is a good reason for it, which DOES NOT need justification:rolleyes:

At this point I would have shown her the door and told her not to come back until she had learnt some manners. With all due respect, she's a brat. She's a mother now - so it's high time she grew up.

aliasojo

candygirl wrote: »

I didn't text back or respond to the fb message, but on the phone I just listened to her ranting, and said I couldn't babysit for all the reasons previously stated.I stayed calm:o

Calm is good.

But calm itself doesn't really address the issues does it? Unless you couple calm with assertive, I'm not sure your daughter is going to change her ways tbh.

I love all my lot dearly but I couldn't let that level of disrespect pass. I'm not sure you are tackling anything tbh, it sound a wee bit like you are skirting the issue because your worry about possibly not seeing your GD is stopping you from actually saying the words 'reign your neck in lady, you are seriously out of line and it stops now!' (Or something along those lines. :D)

I know it's not easy, you're emotionally torn between what you know you should do and the thought of what might happen if you do. The ball is definitely in your court though, you do have the power to change things.

candygirl

fabforty wrote: »

At this point I would have shown her the door and told her not to come back until she had learnt some manners. With all due respect, she's a brat. She's a mother now - so it's high time she grew up.

I know:o:oI'm ashamed tbh:o:o

Paparika

omg sorry to say i can't believe your daughter talks to you like that.

I would never think of ever being that disrespectful,

I'd help her with college, but weekends i think she can find someone else whilst she goes out on the p1ss, if she complains tell her to stay in and try to have a go at being a good role model for her child.. sorry she is one selfish madam.

If she doesn't like it tough perhaps she could PAY someone to be a babysitter rather than grab the freebies from you, maybe that will knock her down a peg or 2, and show her how much she needs you.

Sagaris

I'm sure if you stuck to your guns, and waited until your DD treated you with more respect, she would soon cave in and come back with her tail between her legs. It's not easy, and if she does carry out her threat of preventing you from seeing your DGD, it will be a misearable time - but I'd be tempted to call her bluff now. If your DGD is only 8 months, you could have years and years of this to come - and her treatment of you will get worse, not better, while she is getting what she wants from you and using this horrible behaviour to get it, she will carry on.

Tough love time, methinks - but you are doing the right thing in not rising to the comments she is making - you just have to back them up now!

Good luck!

Marcheline

I would say that because your daughter was young when she had the baby, you are still very much in a mum-teenager relationship with her as she was not old enough to have her own life already when she had the baby, IYSWIM. Because of this, she is taking you for granted and acting up like a teenager when you say no to her. You need to help her grow up in my opinion, by cutting the apron strings a bit and let her deal with the baby on her own, so as she appreciates help when you DO give it to her.

I was 21 when I had my (now 3 year old) daughter and I was still a bit in 'teenager mode' when it came to my mum. I worked full time originally while my mum looked after my daughter for free. After 16 months my mum had had enough and just said to me I had to give up work cos it wasn't her job to raise my child.

I was furious at first (cos I'd had it cushy!) but I soon realised I was being unreasonable and gave up my job. I now live with my daughter's father and his parents (who babysit for us rarely), but when I go home to my parents I still have to beg to go out of an evening with friends. I sure appreciate what my mum does for me now though!! And I do not talk to her like my unpaid servant: I have grown up a bit and your daughter needs to as well. The only way she'll do this is with a bit of tough love from you.

Also, I love my nan to bits but she NEVER looked after us when we were small. My mum (her DiL) asked if she could care for the 2 of us for one day when she was ill in bed and apparently my nan came round and spent the whole day tutting and saying how she had 4 kids but just had to get on with it, even when she was ill. My mum never asked again!