Grandparents I need your opinion.....

edited 31 March 2011 at 10:43AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
139 replies 17.2K views
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  • red_devilred_devil Forumite
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    wheres the father cant he look after her!
    :footie:
  • PaparikaPaparika Forumite
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    I'd be printing off the facebook comments and showing her and ask her why she needs to act like a child.
    Life is about give and take, if you can't give why should you take?
  • elfenelfen Forumite
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    Think my sis was like this for a bit (I'm no GP, but I am a much loved auntie) Mum and dad used to take GD a LOT when she was little (give my sis time, let her catch up on sleep, going shopping and getting some peace, etc) but as she's got older my sis only comes up with my niece if she thinks she can get something out of it, and makes the comments that we should all get her big presents - my niece, cos my sister knows if she EVER suggested that I buy her an expensive gift I'd lamp her one (So far, it's been a bike for her birthday, then Xmas - then other expensive things none of us can afford) My mum and dad love my niece to bits (my dad works in the local shop, and always goes up to the staff room with him to help him get ready to come home - all the staff AND management know she does this, and it's been going on for 4 years) but they barely see her as when they do, my sis starts honking about this and that and it turns into "lavish all your time on her" instead of on their GD. Please don't let your DD take advantage now, as I don't want her turning out like that (anyway, I have a plan, when I'm down next, take niece out....send her back hyper and annoy my sis )
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  • mrbrightside842mrbrightside842 Forumite
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    My SIL is like this, and it's because she's allowed to get away with it. Fear of not being able to see the baby, and just her generally being spoiled, stops her mum from doing anything about it. So she complains about it to us, but nothing will happen about it. SIL won't change on her own, she has things good, and as long as her mum does nothing, it's her that suffers. Do something about it, or accept that that's how it's always going to be. Sorry if that's harsh, but there's no point in compaining if you won't do anything about it. You can't wait for her to see the error of her ways and suddenly appreciate you. Learn the word NO, and learn how to use it. Let her sweat it out, she'll soon realise she needs you more.
  • seven-day-weekendseven-day-weekend Forumite
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    I hope one day to be the sort of grandparent that loves having my grandkids over. I don't think I will view it as being some sort of obligation as I think the wonderful thing about kids is that you get to do many fun things such as baking, painting, getting to watch all the Disney movies, playing make believe silly games etc etc., even though I'm sure it's exhausting at times.

    QUOTE]

    Those things are FUN????:eek::confused::rotfl:

    I am not a grandparent yet. When/If I am, I will be prepared to look after my grandchild in emergencies and the occasional babysitting. I told my son years ago I will not be the sort of Grandma who rushes to look after my grandchildren. I have my own life to lead.

    I found it a big enough chore bringing my own son up, I can't say I really enjoyed it much when he was small; I certainly don't want to do it again.

    I think the OP needs to sit down with her daughter and have a heart-to-heart talk about expectations, and tell her off as well for her FB entry.
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  • code-a-holiccode-a-holic Forumite
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    I dont think your daugher realises how lucky she is to have a doting grandmother for her daughter.
    In 7 years and 4 children my mother has babysat maybe 5 evenings - and only over night for my eldest when i was in hospital having my 2nd. She did watch my eldest for a few hours twice a week when i went back to work after collecting from the childminders and thats only becuase she finished at 3 on those days and i couldnt find anyone else!
    I considered myself very lucky to have that.
  • Hi Candy :wave: I remember you from the Preg. thread. I had my LO just before you GD arrived.

    To be blunt - I think your daughter is behaving like a spoilt child! :eek: My mother would smack my backside if it was us in this situation!

    Mum will have my children 'occasionally'. She's babysat once since DD2 was born in February so OH & I could go out together.

    I'd be tempted to withdraw all babysitting duties (except for the going to college ones). Actually i'm sure she'd qualify for childcare while she was at college anyway :confused:.

    And show her this thread - she doesn't realise how lucky she is to have such a supportive Mum.
    :beer:
  • Just wanted to say that you are a wonderful grandma, and that your daughter is being very silly. I don't think you are being in any way unreasonable (though I think your daughter is, after all you have done for her).

    I have had one night out with dear heart since LB was born and he will be three just after Christmas. My view is that there will only be so long to cuddle him and fuss him and tickle him. The time slips away like sand through your fingers. You, in spending the time with your granddaughter are getting the time that your daughter will never be able to claw back.

    You will have to make the judgement of how much you can push without your daughter keeping you from your granddaughter. It may be worth while occasionally getting in first - I am doing x this weekend, so that she cannot ask you to look after the little one then.

    How is your daughter if you arrange to do something for yourself when you would not normally look after your granddaughter? If you can, I think you should make as much of a stand as you can to keep something for yourself in your life.

    Sending lots of hugs
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  • I hope one day to be the sort of grandparent that loves having my grandkids over. I don't think I will view it as being some sort of obligation as I think the wonderful thing about kids is that you get to do many fun things such as baking, painting, getting to watch all the Disney movies, playing make believe silly games etc etc., even though I'm sure it's exhausting at times.

    QUOTE]

    Those things are FUN????:eek::confused::rotfl:

    I am not a grandparent yet. When/If I am, I will be prepared to look after my grandchild in emergencies and the occasional babysitting. I told my son years ago I will not be the sort of Grandma who rushes to look after my grandchildren. I have my own life to lead.

    I found it a big enough chore bringing my own son up, I can't say I really enjoyed it much when he was small; I certainly don't want to do it again.

    I think the OP needs to sit down with her daughter and have a heart-to-heart talk about expectations, and tell her off as well for her FB entry.


    I agree with you, i have 3 children at home, and much as i love them all dearly, i am looking forward to when Hubby and I can do our own thing....
  • candygirlcandygirl Forumite
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    Thanks again everyone, for the brilliant replies.She came round and picked DGD up a while ago, and I tackled her about the text, and she said she was just drunk and angry, and why did I not just say yea to babysitting in the first place?I once again explained about the kitchen chaos, as well as DGD'S illness:rolleyes:She said I was a disgrace letting my own Mum babysit, and I reminded her that this arrangement was between her and my Mum, and nothing at all to do with me:mad:
    She said once again that i'm lazy and selfish, and never do anything for anybody else, which is as far from the truth as you can possibly get:rolleyes:Anyway I explained that I will have DGD every week when she goes to college, and when I can at the weekends, but if I say no there is a good reason for it, which DOES NOT need justification:rolleyes:
    I am glad to see that people on here don't treat their own Mums like this, it's horrid:(
    BTW DGD was a little darling and is much better now, thank god!!:A
    "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf"

    (Kabat-Zinn 2004):D:D:D
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