Grandparents I need your opinion.....

lowesy

Candy - sorry hunny didn't realise it was Boo's birthday today No advice I'm afraid, just plenty of hugs xxx

candygirl

lowesy wrote: »

Candy - sorry hunny didn't realise it was Boo's birthday today No advice I'm afraid, just plenty of hugs xxx

Thanks sweetie, and hope you and bump are ok xx:A

Kay_Peel

candygirl wrote: »

An update.I haven't been able to see my DGD since feb 14th:mad:

eta DD's BF doesn't have a criminal record as far as i'm aware!!

Yes he does. You say that he was arrested and spent the night in the cells, when he had beaten her up and run off with the baby. I presume he was either released without charge because she was unwilling to prosecute, or he was bound over to keep the peace for 12 months. Whatever the outcome, he is now in the police system. Even if he wasn't arrested there will be a record of the incident that will be flagged up on the police system as Domestic Violence.

Personally I would speak to a police officer in the Domestic Violence/Child Protection Unit. Explain about the previous incident when he was arrested, give them a bit of background on your lack of contact and tell them about your fears for your daughter and grand-daughter. They have ways of making discreet enquiries that will not put your daughter in any danger of reprisals from her boyfriend.

This is getting serious and my heart goes out to you.

candygirl

Kay_Peel wrote: »

Yes he does. You say that he was arrested and spent the night in the cells, when he had beaten her up and run off with the baby. I presume he was either released without charge because she was unwilling to prosecute, or he was bound over to keep the peace for 12 months. Whatever the outcome, he is now in the police system. Even if he wasn't arrested there will be a record of the incident that will be flagged up on the police system as Domestic Violence.

Personally I would speak to a police officer in the Domestic Violence/Child Protection Unit. Explain about the previous incident when he was arrested, give them a bit of background on your lack of contact and tell them about your fears for your daughter and grand-daughter. They have ways of making discreet enquiries that will not put your daughter in any danger of reprisals from her boyfriend.

This is getting serious and my heart goes out to you.

Thanks hun.I think he got a caution so yea I get your point.Not sure if I feel strong enough to contact the police yet tho, but I will bear your advice in mind:A

candygirl

Another update.It was my Nephew's bday party on Sunday, and she turned up with DGD, and acted as though nothing had happened, and walked round with her nose in the air all day:mad::mad:
DGD was fab and ran up to me as soon as she saw me, but i've no idea if or when I will see her again as it was too public to discuss then:(:(
My OH was absolutely fuming with her and had to keep right out of her way in order to stay in control:(
She didn't even send me a Mother's Day card or wish me Happy Mother's Day on the day either, but that's no surprise, all she did was blab on about the new baby, scans etc.I talked to her politely, but it was like speaking to a complete stranger:(:(
Oh and BTW her bf didn't turn up at the party, no shock there then;)

AussieLass

You've been in my thoughts a lot Candygirl. What is happening today may not be happening in 6 months time. Try and get comfort that things do change and Boo is still very young in that she won't really remember too much about you being out of her life atm. I hope things pan out for you hun. xx

candygirl

AussieLass wrote: »

You've been in my thoughts a lot Candygirl. What is happening today may not be happening in 6 months time. Try and get comfort that things do change and Boo is still very young in that she won't really remember too much about you being out of her life atm. I hope things pan out for you hun. xx

Thanks hun, really appreciate this advice, just hate to think Boo will forget me:(:(

candygirl

Another update:She rang me on Sunday night and asked me to go round and look after Boo while she has her scan on Friday:I obviously said yea, but also that I can't be used as and when she sees fit, and also can't cope with being stopped from seeing Boo:mad::mad:
Her theory is that she has never stopped me from seeing her, despite changing her phone number, and ignoring the door, my notes etc, so it's back to lala land again;);)
I want to see Boo, but don't have the strength to get on the emotional rollercoaster again:(:(

fannyanna

Haven't read any replies as there are a lot but my initial thoughts are that your Daughter is taking the P.

I do not have children but know that when I do my Mum and my Sister will play a very big role in my childs life (my other family and my inlaws to a much lesser extent - which is fine). I say this as I know that they will WANT to spend time with my child and I'm sure will WANT to babysit. However I'm sure that this will be every now and then and I will definately not be EXPECTING them to do so and will most definately not have the audacity to call ether of them lazy or selfish if they choose not to spend time with MY child.

jakem_2

Hi Candy, I have read your thread from the beginning till now, and I must say you are a fantastic grandmother, and your daughter should be on her knees thanking god she has you and what you have done for her, now with the new baby on the way she will need you more, whether you can do this is another matter.

I am a grandmother, and my daughter would never take the P, or moan if I couldnt babysit, she is only too pleased that I have them over to give her and her husband a break.

What I am concerend about it the BF, if he is like this now with one child running around, what is he going to be like when the baby cries and screams, he sounds like he has a short fuse with your daughter, so he will be worse when the baby comes, plus your daughter will have more added stress.

She has been sucked into his controlling ways, she lost contact with you, changed fone numbers, why, cause he is probabaly spreading poision in her ears, and she is daft enough to put up with it, but this is not the issue here, the main issue is your GD and the new baby.


I had a similar problem but was the other way around, my sons wife, and I wont tell you what I saw, and what was going on, but I had a word in her ear that if she didnt start looking after the children like she is supposed to do etc etc, then I will notify Social Services, at first my son wasnt happy, as he the silly fool didnt see or realise half of what was going on till I pointed it out to him and other people.
I was appalled at the way she was with the kids, like I say I cant really say too much, how I never chinned her myself I dont know lol

Anyway, it seems to have done the trick, unfortunately my son and I are a little estranged because of it, and of course the wife hates me now, but in all honesty I think I did the right thing, they were my grandchildren and thier safety comes first, and if I had to put a rocket up her arris and I have lost out a bit because of it, at least the kids are better looked after now.

I know you dont want any more bad feeling between you and your daughter, specially now she is expecting, but if the violence continues, you might have to have a word, or make a phone call, as imo the children come first.