Grandparents I need your opinion.....

candygirl

pupsicola wrote: »

I left an abusive relationship 4 years ago. Domestic violence only ever gets worse and pregnancy can trigger it.

The last poster was right to say your dgd could be next. Thats what a domestic violence officer told me when I finally went to the police.

You're so right hun, but I feel useless cos all I can do now is sit and wait for the inevitable.I've tried to give advice and intervene, now she's ignoring me and I haven't seen DGD for a week:(:(I usually have her a lot:(

pupsicola

Domestic violence is all about control. Your daughter may be walking on eggshells around this guy and saying things to you that he wants her too. When you speak with her on the phone he may be in the background, monitoring everything she is saying.

He will be isolating her from as many people as he can.

This is what gave the game away to my family and friends. As my ex intensified the abuse and violence toward me my manner changed to those other people closest to me. They realised something was seriously up rather than us just having the normal ups and downs.

I cant emphasise enough how at risk your dd and dgd are.

whatatwit

Candy, have you tried contacting someone at the Police about this.
They will see this sort of behaviour from a victim of DV all the time, but hopefully they can point you in the direction of some local resources, be it a womens refuge or just someone for your daughter to talk to when she is ready to.

Have you had a look at the sticky at the top of the board, I haven't read through it, but I feel sure that there will be some advice there.

The boyfriend sounds to be more controlling as time goes on, especially if they are not asking you have DGD.

(((hugs)))

pupsicola

As your daughter has a child and is pregnant you would be best off contacting social services. They may already know of her bf as he was violent with his ex - dont know if they had kids.

My dad turned up at my house with a couple of burly mates that he thought my ex wouldn't argue with. He refused point blank to leave till he had seen myself and the kids. I answered the door to him not knowing if my ex would go beserk (You are most at risk from severe violence when an abuser feels they are loosing control).

He took one look at me and saw a few of the bruises and marks that I had. Long gone were they days when my ex only hurt me where bruises and marks could not be seen by others, I had just not been allowed out.

Dad and the other guys barged past me. I was told bluntly to pack a bag for myself and the kids. They picked up the kids and put them in the car and helped me out. We never went back. My ex had just sat in a chair smurking at them. I dont know now how they kept their cool and didn't touch him or say a word to him. They just phoned the police. I have so much repsect for them doing that and not sinking to his level.

My dad took me to my doctors and then came with me to the police. I felt so much relief and thanks toward him although he later admitted he didn't know how I would react to him turning up and forcing me out of my home and marriage.

The police told me that if the children and I hadn't got out when we did it would only have ended one way.

jackieglasgow

Your dad sounds great pupsicola Glad you and your children are safe now.

pupsicola

Thankyou he is great. I once asked him how he had managed to stay so calm when he took the kids and I away. He said that inside he wanted to tear my ex apart for the pain he had inflicted on me. What held him together was the thought of being a good male role model to his grandchildren. That no matter what the situation you never loose your control and hurt anyone.

Penny-Pincher!!

Does the new BF have a criminal record? As a grandparent you have rights to have the BF checked by the police if you have concerns. You would need to fill in a form at the police station and it can take up to 3-4 weeks to fully come through as they can check name changes etc.

You stated earlier that you were a qualified teacher, so what would YOU usually do when you suspect DV with a child living in the house?

All I know is that I would not be happy with my DGD living somewhere so unsafe! Your daughter is an adult and she makes her own choices whether they be good or bad, but if and when they start involving young children....people need to get involved. I assure you that if he isnt physically abusing your DGD, he will be playing mind controlling games with her! We are going through something very similar atm which I cant go into much, but all I can say is that one of the children have now been removed for safety reasons.

CG....please do something!

PP
xx

sashadesade

I'm afraid I don't have any advice OP, I just hope that this horrible situation can be sorted out without ending tragically.

pupsicola

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

I assure you that if he isnt physically abusing your DGD, he will be playing mind controlling games with her

This will definately be happening and is the start of abuse toward the children in the house where there is an abuser. The child will be aware of the abuse and violence toward the adult also and this is terribly frightening for them. It took a year of intense counselling to help my son get through the trauma he felt. Four years on there are things he still struggles with. Something I am not proud of.

candygirl

An update.I haven't been able to see my DGD since feb 14th:mad:In between then, and the last time I posted DD has been making up any excuse to have a go at me, and has refused to let DGD stay over, bear in mind she isn't needing to go out as is preg and can't drink at the mo:o
It is DGD's bday today and I can't see her:(
DD has changed her mobile number and wont answer the door to me.I know she is preg and hormonal, but I know she is also being controlled and brain washed
It is a truly awful situation to be in:(:(
eta DD's BF doesn't have a criminal record as far as i'm aware!!