Grandparents I need your opinion.....

tandraig

candygirl - I really get the feeling you are firm but fair anyway!!! much like I tried to bring up my kids!
at least - I THOUGHT I was firm but fair..........obviously they thought I was a pushover!
I dont lose my temper often - but when I do they know I have been pushed too far............and sometimes - I think it made them see me as a person - not just 'mum'.
as for you taking the grief for 'spoiling' your daughter - my youngest was very ill and in and out of hospital a lot when he was growing up. the other two always claimed I spoiled him - and they watch him like a hawk to make sure he doesnt get more babysitting than they do (see earlier post). In fact he is the only one who ever asked if I was ok to babysit and to give me advance notice. he isnt spoiled - he is quite sensitive to me and doesnt get huffy if I cant babysit. so dont beat yourself up hun - your daughters attitude may not be all your fault.

candygirl

Here I am with an update over 13 months on.DD has been going out with her new v controlling bf for 18 months now, and on Xmas night she texted and rang us to say her bf had beaten her and thrown her to the floor 3 times, as well as run off with the baby in the pram.She had then come home and he had tried to get in the house so she rang the police who put him in the cells overnight.:mad:
Boxing morning we set off from OH's family who we'd been spending Xmas with, 70 miles away, and rushed back to make sure she was ok.We were met with her holding a positive preg test, and saying we had to go as he was coming round, as he had been released:o
Since then she has told me he has done similar to her 3 other times, and also put his ex wife's head through a window in a similar fit of anger.
I am understandably worried, about her , DGD and the baby to be, but she just thinks i'm being funny and not giving her bf a chance, as now she says it was only a drunken row:eek::eek:
I've tried explaining my concerns but have been met by the usual insults etc.Any ideas?:(

aliasojo

candygirl wrote: »

Any ideas?:(

Loads. But not one that will be of any use. When this type of situation happens, the person themselves need to experience the dawning realisation that this needs to stop and it's not healthy for them to keep living like this. You can talk to her until you're blue in the face, but until she'd ready to change her views about it all, you will have no effect.

All you can do is be there to pick up the pieces. Sorry. x

Edit: I should add that I have a daughter too, she's only 11 at the moment but I can only imagine how difficult it would be as a parent, to not have any control over a situation like this. I suspect if she is ever in such a relationship, her Dad and her brother (who are mild mannered) would happily show any boyfriend what violence to another actually was.

MrsRogers

candygirl wrote: »

Here I am with an update over 13 months on.DD has been going out with her new v controlling bf for 18 months now, and on Xmas night she texted and rang us to say her bf had beaten her and thrown her to the floor 3 times, as well as run off with the baby in the pram.She had then come home and he had tried to get in the house so she rang the police who put him in the cells overnight.:mad:
Boxing morning we set off from OH's family who we'd been spending Xmas with, 70 miles away, and rushed back to make sure she was ok.We were met with her holding a positive preg test, and saying we had to go as he was coming round, as he had been released:o
Since then she has told me he has done similar to her 3 other times, and also put his ex wife's head through a window in a similar fit of anger.
I am understandably worried, about her , DGD and the baby to be, but she just thinks i'm being funny and not giving her bf a chance, as now she says it was only a drunken row:eek::eek:
I've tried explaining my concerns but have been met by the usual insults etc.Any ideas?:(

Good Lord OP my sympathies are with you... you must be terrified for your DD & DGD.. As poster above says unfortunately it has to be your DD decision to walk away.. What is keeping her there? does she love him? or is it she feels that she can not leave?
Is there anyone else that could maybe talk to her on your behalf a sibling / respected family friend?

May also be worth getting some domestic Violence leaflets / info re the effects on children... if she wont leave for her own sake maybe worth talking to her to leave for the sake of the children.

Good luck

jackieglasgow

God Candy, as you know I am not a grandparent, but what I would say is to stay as neutral as possible when talking to her, reinforce that his violence is wrong but that you love her and will always be there for her and then sit back and wait for realisation to drop.

shelley_crow

Eeeek! I remember your OP and am sorry things have come to this.

I read on women's aid somewhere that DV can get worse during pregnancy. It's a truly horrid through but if he can't keep his fists to himself there might be a tiny victim, that will be something that can never be undone. I'd echo the person above me and give her leaflets, go through them with her too.

Giving you a big virtual hug, what a horrible position for you, dd and dgd xxx

poet123

Not much advice (nor am I a grandparent) but I can imagine this must be heartbreaking. Sadly, I think the others are right,until she gets fed up of being treated this way, and lets you help, it will not get better. Take care.

candygirl

Thanks for all the advice so far.I know she will have to come to some kind of realisation herself, I just hope her and DGD don't get badly hurt in the process:(:(
Her in denial stage at the mo involves slagging us all off who have tried to help her, but I know this is a classic stage when going through DV:(

pimento

I'm a bit confused. What is a DGD? I assumed until about page 3 that you were the childs grandmother and then you say that your mum is looking after the baby tonight.

How are you related to the child's mother?

candygirl

pimento wrote: »

I'm a bit confused. What is a DGD? I assumed until about page 3 that you were the childs grandmother and then you say that your mum is looking after the baby tonight.

How are you related to the child's mother?

DGD is a grandaughter:DI am the baby's Nana:D