Another saturday in alone... :(

alyth

sorry that first sentence should have read perk of NOT having kids! That's what happens when you open a bottle of wine and find that it has emptied sooner that you think!

choille

Alyth - Your ex sounds like an eejit - you've come far. good on you.

Pisces Cat - Really admire you single mums - you've just had to get on with it.

I think that at times it can seem that the whole world is out there having a brilliant time - not true.
Plenty of folks stuck in & this time of year isn't great for many....

I must really do the driving thing.

alyth

go Choille - just book the first lesson - if you don't like it then at least you have tried!

The whole world is not out there having fun - I have three weeks off college over Christmas, and I am dreading it - no family, will be on my own for three whole weeks, I've asked to do extra work in the shop and there is a limit to how much studying even I can do - so on Christmas morning, when you're surrounded by your kids and presents, I will be sadly and lonely out walking the mutt in the fields before returning home and getting stuck into my history books!

pisces_cat

[QUOTE=

Pisces Cat - Really admire you single mums - you've just had to get on with it.

I think that at times it can seem that the whole world is out there having a brilliant time - not true.
QUOTE]

Sorry not actually a single mum - though sometimes think I might be better off that way

tinacee1

My situation very similar to yours. Thought I'd post this item I found on the internet a couple of years ago and kept. It helped me at the time.


In our modern world--we have a plethora of options for communication. You can ring, ping, email, fax, text, post, comment, tweet, myspace, facebook or skype. Nearly anywhere you go--anytime you want--you can be logged on and dialed in. We are easily the most connected society in the history of mankind. Yet, despite our ability for constant contact, (or perhaps because of it) feelings of social isolation persist.
Step 1
Stop comparing your life to the lives of others. Absolutely everything you "know" about others is based on assumptions of a partial picture. We can never really know what goes on inside the mind and heart of another person, because what we show to the world is an edited version of ourselves. You know how it is: we put on happy faces and rarely talk about our pain even with those who are closest to us; therefore, what we see of others is really an incomplete picture. Comparing the complete picture of your life (which, of course, only you see and experience every day) to the incomplete picture of another person's life is futile and stupid. Remember, just because you see a group of people laughing while hanging out together at a bar doesn't mean they are all having a good time. Just because you see a couple locked in a loving embrace doesn't mean they don't fight beyond closed doors. You cannot and should not judge the quality of your life based on what you see of the lives of your friends or stories you hear in the media.

Step 2
Speaking of media, be conscious of what media you consume and how it affects your beliefs and feelings about your life. All media stories are witnessed, sifted, filtered, crafted and edited. Media stories are also partial pictures created to evoke a certain feeling or prove a specific point. By media stories, I'm not just talking about traditional television programs or movies, but I am also talking about "reality" television, blog posts and even Facebook pages. Things that appear in these formats are always edited to show a desired slant, even casual snapshots or off-the-cuff status updates.

Step 3
Allow yourself to feel your feelings of loneliness. It is OK to feel lonely. Loneliness is not unique to you, nor is it proof that you are weird or a social outcast. Loneliness is a natural part of the human condition. When you feel loneliness, know that you are not alone. Hopefully, this will help you feel less lonely.

Step 4
Find something you love to do and find a group of people who also love that thing and do it together on a regular basis. It really is that simple.

Step 5
Be patient. Friendships and strong, fulfilling bonds take time to develop.

Step 6
Volunteer to help people who have less than you do. Not only does helping people increase your opportunities to have meaningful social interactions, it also helps you to put your suffering into perspective.

Step 7
Transform negative thoughts with gratitude. If you keep telling yourself things like, "I am weird. I have no friends. I am alone. Everybody rejects me," then your life will form to these thoughts, and you will create a socially isolated reality for yourself. You will look around and see only the things that reinforce your negative worldview. You will dwell on the person who ignores you, while completely missing the three other people who smiled at you. Instead of allowing your negative thoughts to become you, be grateful for all that you do have and put your focus there.

Step 8
Remember, emotions are like weather patterns passing through your mind. Just because you are lonely today, does not mean that you will be lonely tomorrow. Your future only resembles your past if you allow it to do so.

Step 9
Work through feelings of jealousy, hate and rage productively with a counselor, meditation, yoga or genuine prayer. If you find that you are unsuccessful in reducing your feelings of social isolation on your own, seeking help from a mental health professional, a spiritual teacher or life coach can help you make the life changes you crave. Do not let continued anger fester and get out of control.

Step 10
Get off the computer. Get out and start interacting with people. Right now! Surfing the web, reading blogs or sending email is not interacting with a person; it's interacting with a machine. If you feel socially isolated, you need to have more face-to-face interactions with other human beings.

SailorSam

Ladies can i butt in, just finished reading this thread and it seems to be exclusively female ............. well you're not in alone on a Saturday night, i'm sure lots of fellas are as well.
As someone said earlier i think you feel it worse this time of year, as it nears Christmas you think you should be out enjoying yourself more.
Isn't it easier for women, you only need to flutter your eyelashes and you're half way there.
I'm going to bed now as well, and i've only a teddie bear to keep me warm, goodnight.

pisces_cat

flutter our eyelashes and we are half way where exactly????

BitterAndTwisted

I expect SailorSam meant half way to getting a date. I've been fluttering my eyelashes for fifty years and it's never got me anywhere. Well, not anywhere I'd want to go any more anyway. Friendships with either gender are what's important to me now, not dates with men

pisces_cat

I know, I was only joking! Didn't mean to sound snippy - doesn't really help when trying to make friends though - tends to give the wrong impression!

BitterAndTwisted

Don't worry about it, people think I'm being snippy all the time when I think I'm being a bit dry with the humour, and that's in real life not just in text like here.