Another saturday in alone... :(

pinkie_pie

Not entirely sure what to right, just that I really feel at my wits end with everything

I'm 26 with two beautiful children, and have been seperated for 2.5 years, very nearly divorced. Seen a few people since then, but it's never worked out, I just don't feel like I 'fit'. I always feel like I'm not good enough for them, and worry that I'm somehow neglecting my children by seeing them. I know that bit's mad, but I do. Like if I'm not still with their dad, how can I have the audacity to see anyone else...

The only people I'm 'friends' with who live local are all couples, and I've pretty much been outed by them. I feel really hurt by them because I try so hard with all my friends, and their fchildren are my children's friends.

My friends from university (I'm training as a nurse) are all my age or younger, single, and go out every night of the week. I don't fit in with them either, and while we are all good friends at uni, outside uni despite my efforts they aren't really interested. The older people with children are conversely much older than me, and seem to view me as a 'younger' person.

I just don't know what to do any more I'm so so tired of being lonely, and feeling depressed and unhappy all the time. I've sat here in tears most of the night, and while I love every minute at home with my children I wonder if this is it, forever.

Every other weekend they spend at their dads, and it's not often that I have plans to do something. I have no family, apart from them, I live somewhere which sounds central but is actually very isolated with little to do (I've tried going down the evening class or hobby route already) and I don't drive to top it off. My only tiny piece of comfort in the evenings is online, either shopping which I can't afford - hence the debts - or forums/social sites, and realising that every person I know has something fun to do tonight has just hit me. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

Frith

Didn't want to read and run. I left my husband 5 years ago in January. I have been out with one person since and that was a complete disaster!

So yes, I am here as well on a Saturday night. I haven't been out of the house since Tuesday as my sons (and me too) have had swine flu. I can't tell you how pleased I was to see Mr Tesco with my shopping, we had run out of cat food!

Hopefully someone will be along with some advice which I shall read with interest....

L

Marcheline

Hi I get where you're coming from. I'm 24 and have had about 3 nights out in the past 2 years (and that's really hard for me cos I LOVE going out with a passion!!) cos I have a daughter. I'm still with her dad, but I don't like leaving her either, so I get where you're coming from there too.

The next time your kids are at their dad's, could you go for a weekend away by yourself, somewhere you've always wanted to visit?

Or maybe you could join a local singles club?

tiger-eyes_2

hey, just wanted to send some hugs to you..(((( )))):hello:
Ive been lurking on here for months, but only recently started posting..know how you feel though..

I'm stuck at home tonight after I was supposed to go out, the one single mate I've got has dissapeared, everyone else is doing 'couple' things!

you have your beautiful children so stay strong, & although you probably don't believe it (I never do when people tell me this) but you will have better days..

Sorry I don't actually have anything constructive to add..but stay on the forums..& resist the urge to shop!! Have some chocolate instead!:EasterBun

katebl

Hi snowedunderitall, just a thought, are all your friends that are couples friends with each other? Could you not arrange a dinner party perhaps and get them to bring a bottle so it doesn't cost you too much? If there's a few you won't feel like the odd one out! Hope someone else has some good ideas for you.

star222

I'm sitting in on my own as well while boyfriends at the bar. I'm the same with the shopping thing, is the only thing that seems to cheer me up recently. Most of my "friends" are just acquantices that I cant seem to get much further with. Sometimes I feel like the only one.

Hopefully someone posts some decent advice for you

mumslave

Your kids ultimately will want to see you happy....happy you = happy mum = happy children. You are 26, thats YOUNG (says the 25 year old) there is plenty of life yet for you. If you are struggling with feeling depressed, get yourself down the docs, thats the best place to start. Life wont change for you, unless you initiate it.

pinkie_pie

Acey and Tiger eyes, thanks for the replies. Glad it's not just me. Glad in a selfish way anyways... lol

Marcheline - not entirely sure I'm brave enough to go anywhere on my own... don't really have the money to either, tbh. No local singles clubs that I'm aware of, I did briefly look. Trouble is I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone too.

katebl - It's a nice idea thank you, but I've tried it, well similar things. Yes they're all friends. I organised a camping trip for all of us with kids... they went on another and didn't invite me, and actually made a point of it too. A few years back (when we were all closer) I started what's now a tradition of a christmas party every year, this year they asked what days I could do and picked a date I said I didn't think I could.. and when I later said I could they've sat me as far away from them as possible with someone who they know I don't get on with. I could go on... it sounds very childish though. I haven't done anything wrong, like I said I'll do anything for my friends when I can (picking up shopping, babysitting - for one, weekends at a time) although another person has thought that one in particular doesn't like that I'm at university (the only one out of this group to do anything past year 10) and doesn't know why I've chosen to do something which takes me out of this small-town. They have dinner parties, and coffee mornings... I'm not invited.

choille

Do you feel you have nothing in common with your uni mates?

Are there free things you could go see near you? Do you like galleries? Museums? Nature? I think you have to plan some visits to things that you could go & feast your eyes over when you have a free weekend, or even with the kids.
It's very isolating for you being a single parent. Is there a Gingerbread group nearby?
Don't feel that this is all there ever will be. It's actually a pretty rotten time of year at the moment. We can be a bit lower than normal at this time of year - so don't think it's all your situation. Also don't dismiss people who are older as being friends. I've had really great friendships with people who are older - and often they've had the wisdom to see things that I couldn't.

Also a man in your life won't necessarily make things all right. Until you reach the stage where you are happy with yourself - and you will - then sometimes relationships with the opposite sex aren't great & you can settle for someone who maybe isn't too great for you.

If you have certain interests that your uni friends don't then try & follow up those, try & do things that appeal to you - go places that you wouldn't normally. Act like a tourist in your locality & explore.
All the very best - sometimes it's hard being on your own, but it will get better.

pinkie_pie

star - that's quite like I feel. Thank you so much for your reply. When I was in a relationship recently (since my ex-husband) even he used to go out and I'd stay in... it was like there was this unwritten law that I wouldn't get on with his friends. I never said anything apart from I'd like to go out, he never said I couldn't... but they also phased him out. Then he was very close with them again after we broke up. I might be reading too much into it as I only met them for about 15 minutes one night, but still, it's just the same outcast feeling I have all the time.

kimmee

Hi snowedunderitall

Ofcourse you can do it, you have to for your kids but I know how hard it can be - you feel like you're the only person in the world who hasn't got a 'special someone' and who's in alone.

I split with my ex-husband about 8 years ago and that was ok except that I lost most of my friends because of it - why is that? Do they think that as a single woman you're going to lure their ravishing :rotfl: husbands away from them!!! I then met someone else - wonderful bloke who dumped me 7 weeks ago after 6 years and so here I am, sitting alone at my laptop on a Saturday night feeling lonely but knowing that things will get better :j

Have faith, believe in yourself - look forward to when you're a fully trained nurse and you're bound to have a better social life. Be proud that your doing the very best you can to give yourself and your kids a better life.

Hugs

Kimmee