Another saturday in alone... :(

funkychicken_2

Hi snowedunderitall, you want things to change, then you have to make it happen. There are only 2 choices: you either try and take control of it, or others will control it - often not to your benefit.

As a single young guy/gal will probably have some disposable income, want fun times, want to do things on the spur if the moment, concerts, late night, pubs, clubs, share in work stories and few responsibilities - you get the drift.

As an older guy wanting to settle: I've seen it too many times, more often than not where the kids have made the partners life miserable. We had one guy at work and her kid was doing drugs and kept telling him "you are not my dad" for the last few years and the situation was getting worser. He was a contractor and spent most of his time with the females getting emotional support, parenting advice and ideas for his predicament rather than doing his job. After a few months he got the boot.

Another colleague in his 30's started dating. On one first date all one woman could do was talk about her two children - how fantastic and clever they were through the few hours and he could not get a word in. On another first date, woman2 arranged that a large proportion of her friends and family pop in and introduce themselves and gave him the once over (they all just happened to be in the vacinity :eek:) Now he has become wiser, and arranges a friend to call him a few times so he can say there is trouble a work and he has to go back to it:D. Also avoid daing people from those free dating sites - you get all the weird ones that use it because it is free.

Lastly, all your married friends will no longer invite you as (a) you may steal their partners (b) it is not good to have an odd number around a table (c) their lifestyle is too different from yours and you wont 'fit in' as you are no longer one of them. Also if it is not an all girls event, women will try to make it one boy per girl, while men just say 'bring your friends along' (non of these are my words, but have heard thus them quite a few times)

A bloke wants you for you and other peoples children are not always a good 'selling point', especially if you keep having them rammed down your throat and always have to change your schedule as to fit them in. Don't bring up the ex - the other person is out there to find somone and have a good time, not be a social worker or sounding board. What has happened is history and probably should stay so. You may be able to gleem some good funny bits, but putting his goldfish in the microwave, or wet bag of wet concrete in his car are probably best left for many months ahead. Hatred and envy are not character trates that woo potential partners.

So you are left with the other single mums - birds of a feather.... and all that.

If you want things to be different, you have to make the change, be pro active and get out there and get noticed. Sitting in on a Saturday evening week after week typing away will do nothing for you, bar make you one week older!

worriedsik

SailorSam wrote: »

Ladies can i butt in, just finished reading this thread and it seems to be exclusively female ............. well you're not in alone on a Saturday night, i'm sure lots of fellas are as well.
As someone said earlier i think you feel it worse this time of year, as it nears Christmas you think you should be out enjoying yourself more.
Isn't it easier for women, you only need to flutter your eyelashes and you're half way there.
I'm going to bed now as well, and i've only a teddie bear to keep me warm, goodnight.

sailor sam
with respect isnt it easier to go out on your own if you are a fella ? i couldnt go into a pub on my own

pinkie_pie

Morning everyone. Woke up feeling less positive, however the kids have just left for their grandparents so I'm determined to motivate myself into keeping busy and doing what's needed today. After keeping up to date on here, of course!

alyth - you must be so proud of yourself, your story is an inspiration. Although when my kids go to their dads for three nights from lunchtime on christmas day, I too will be home alone. Not looking forward to it

piscescat - thanks for your words and advice too. I took SailorSams comment the same way, Incidentally SS - what did you mean? lol. Fluttering my eyelashes has never got me anywhere, besides which I have noone to flutter them at!

tinacee - what a fantastic post. I might print that out to remind me at times that I need to get in control and change things.

pinkie_pie

Oh and girls, I have a sarcastic sense of humour so I'll join in with being misinterpreted!!!

funkychicken - where are you going with that? Young people without kids wouldn't be interested in a single parent so don't bother? Don't play the bunny boiler card too soon?

kindofagilr

The one thing I will say when you do feel you can go out to meet someone, is please do.

My mother is 54 now and my father left when I was 1.5 and my brother was 2.5 my mam was 27.

My mam never went out, she was always in the house with us

And she regrets it now, I even regret it for her now, I would love for her to have met someone and moved on and been happy etc, but she hasnt, I've had to see her struggle as a single parent my whole life.

I just wish someone had forced her to go out when I was little, yes she wouldnt have been there the odd sat night or whatver but she would be happy and not lonely.

katebl

snowedunderitall, not sure if this has been mentioned but if you had a pub near you, could you not see if you could get any shifts there? Having done this previously I did make some friends, plus you'll be out, and earning, so more money for shopping or going out when the occasion arises! (Or of course to clear debt lol).

By the way am amazed you now have 7 pages - good stuff!

kimmee

Hi you lot - just popped in to say morning but have a huge pile of ironing waiting and then having to run errands for DS :rolleyes:

Try and keep positive

'm also glad that this has turned into a happy thread, can we do it again next Sat - you lot are fed up being on your own, I'm fed up spending 8 hours on a Saturday until 9pm being nice to customers! I've gone from being a London PA to being a till tart, and a poor lowly student, and I love my life so much I could cry at times!/QUOTE]

Next Saturday 2 of my mates from before I married my ex are coming for the weekend so I can't be here tho it's probably the only Saturday before Xmas that I'll be busy! - it would be lovely to do it again on any night we feel the need to communicate with the 'outside world'!! Ofcourse Saturday nights feel worse as you think everyone's having more fun the you (even if you know they're not). And Aylth - how brilliant that you love your life so much now (tho know how wearing be nice to customers for hours on end can be lol)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi, and hopefully talk again soon.

Kimmee

SailorSam

Good morning girls.

worriedsik wrote: »

sailor sam
with respect isnt it easier to go out on your own if you are a fella ? i couldnt go into a pub on my own

I think that's true to an extent, but still it depends on the person.
If you're not an outgoing person walking into a pub alone is nigh on impossible. Personally perhaps i'll go to the gym or an evening class by myself but not a pub or club.
Someone said earlier to stay away from the dating sites because it's not real life but for many going the pub isn't real life, it's not what they do or want to do, it's just a way to meet people. Well can't you try to meet friends on line, you may need to sift out the idiots but then you need to do that in real life. And for you ladies especially if you're talking to a wierdo on line it's easier for you to get away than if you were sitting in a pub.
What has surprised me reading this thread is, you're all so young, lots of you in your twenties, and stuck at home, i'm in my 50s. If only i were 20yrs younger.
Oh the eye lash thing, i tried it yesterday outside Asda, the security guy asked what was wrong, did i have something in my eye.

alyth

Good morning everyone it's a nice day up here, unfortunately I am off to be a till tart for 4 hours from 12, it's a struggle having to be happy on a Sunday lunchtime!

Enjoy your ironing kimmee, I did mine last week in a bid to avoid writing an english essay!

pinkie_pie

kindofagilr - I have tried! I will follow everyone's advice on here and try a bit harder...

katebl - I know I'm so shocked and really happy so many people replied. I did think about part time work but with the times I have the kids I'm not sure if I could find a week on a week off iyswim.

Alyth - have fun at work!!!!! I have been very disciplined, two loads of washing done and hung up, lounge cleaned, washing up done... off to scrub kitchen next!