Another saturday in alone... :(

alyth

I think in the nicest possible way you are coming across as needy to your friends. Stay Together makes a very good point, you have to love yourself before anyone will love you - that includes friends as well as any possible future relationship.

It sounds like schoolground stuff, your friend leads others to block you out. You are better than people like that! Sure she's your childminder, keep the relationship on a business footing and work at making a life for yourself - and your kids.

And Facebook is just evil, it's how I found out ex was having an affair!

Seriously though, calm yourself down, get on with your new life, whatever you choose to do, never ever worry about what people think of you.

And I would suggest that you leave dating for a while.......sort yourself and your life out (I mean that nicely!) and don't get involved with men until you are happy within yourself.

miamoo

Personally I would of sent the txt aswell. If I had a friend that became my childminder I would expect her to act like a mature adult, and if the friendship with you fails fair enough, you both make new friends but how she is acting towards you sounds a bit petty. I hope she replies with the answer you want. If she doesn't and its making you this unhappy then find a new childminder.

BitterAndTwisted

Darling, I would advise in the strongest possible terms not to commit your thoughts and qustions about this friendship to a text message. SO many, many ways this could be misunderstood or misinterpreted or even misconstrued and repeated elsewhere. If you need clarity and/or an explanation of why this person is no longer behaving like a friend it's really only something you should do face-to-face, looking her straight in the eyes. If it all comes to a head you also risk losing her as a childminder as well as a friend, although it sounds to me like the friendship has been ended by her already. Usually when people behave in such a way, I think the perpetrators are victims of some sort of arrested emotional development. Competent adults don't generally behave in such an infantile way, and are to be pitied imo

ETA: Damn! Too late

pinkie_pie

I know, B&T. It's just eating me up a bit emotionally because somehow every friendship I hold locally seems to be tied to this one. I don't know how, I don't know why, but they all do.

And I have struggled as already pointed out to manage to go out and make one new friend much less more... and I really don't like to imagine not having one any more here

I know I'm being dramatic and this is pathetic playground stuff. Things like this have never got me down like this before, but then I've never had people turn on me quite so badly. I've always known I was the 'odd one' in a circle of friends as such, but I've had people around, and this is the first time I've felt truly alone.

miamoo - I'm glad someone else would have I feel a (tiny) bit less like a child! She has started to reply... denying that I've been left out of anything, pretty much. I don't know entirely what I expected, if I'm honest. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to do.

Oh and B&T - I know a text was not for the best, but I honestly see her so rarely now. Only to pick up and drop off children, it is not a good conversation to have with them around. And other than that I don't see her face to face as like I said, it appears I'm thoroughly ousted.

alyth - I know that's true, I do. It's one reason I felt the need to do this, so I knew where I stood to decide what I needed to do to help myself.
Fully aware FB is evil but I'm of the sort that I'd rather know - would you not have rather known your ex was having an affair?
I would rather know, but if these friendships are over then I will take a step back and avoid it completely.

And definitely halting any dating. TBH it's been tentative anyways.

I'm so sorry for all this emotional outpouring guys! It's been my first week of long shifts (12 hours apiece plus 4 travelling) and I think I'm a touch fragile... lots of sleep this weekend I think.

alyth

honey you started this thread and have had some fantastic advice from it, so outpour all you want! Of course I would have wanted to know if git from hell was having an affair, that's why I get to spent my life as a sad middle aged singleton studying all night every night, I worry about myself sometimes but I am the happiest I have ever been!

You need to do what you have to do, you can post all you want and get advice but we don't lead your life, so only you know what you have/want to do, and can do the right thing.

Have you had a reply back from your text?

pisces_cat

Have you had a reply yet?

I think you have done the right thing trying to get this out in the open, it's obviously been eating you up and its best to know where you stand

pinkie_pie

Yeah... I feel she was trying to placate me. She's denied everything basically, although at the same time seemed quite sincere about wanting to still be friends. I'm not going to lie, I don't think I came off fabulously.

This group of friends has a christmas party next weeked where the seating has sparked some issues. I'm not entirely sure that I want to go yet, on one hand it's an evening out with supposed friends, on the other I'm not entirely sure I'll feel any better especially after a long working week. Might have to see how it goes.

Money_maker

Well you've given her some food for thought over the next few days. Why not try next weekend and see if there's been any changes?

ManOnTheMoon

snowedunderitall wrote: »

Not entirely sure what to right, just that I really feel at my wits end with everything

I'm 26 with two beautiful children, and have been seperated for 2.5 years, very nearly divorced. Seen a few people since then, but it's never worked out, I just don't feel like I 'fit'. I always feel like I'm not good enough for them, and worry that I'm somehow neglecting my children by seeing them. I know that bit's mad, but I do. Like if I'm not still with their dad, how can I have the audacity to see anyone else...

The only people I'm 'friends' with who live local are all couples, and I've pretty much been outed by them. I feel really hurt by them because I try so hard with all my friends, and their fchildren are my children's friends.

My friends from university (I'm training as a nurse) are all my age or younger, single, and go out every night of the week. I don't fit in with them either, and while we are all good friends at uni, outside uni despite my efforts they aren't really interested. The older people with children are conversely much older than me, and seem to view me as a 'younger' person.

I just don't know what to do any more I'm so so tired of being lonely, and feeling depressed and unhappy all the time. I've sat here in tears most of the night, and while I love every minute at home with my children I wonder if this is it, forever.

Every other weekend they spend at their dads, and it's not often that I have plans to do something. I have no family, apart from them, I live somewhere which sounds central but is actually very isolated with little to do (I've tried going down the evening class or hobby route already) and I don't drive to top it off. My only tiny piece of comfort in the evenings is online, either shopping which I can't afford - hence the debts - or forums/social sites, and realising that every person I know has something fun to do tonight has just hit me. I don't know if I can do it anymore.

You know, I've felt like you do, with regards to not putting the children first and as it's not their mother (s). Even worse is the pressure put on by the kids to not find anyone else (I don't know if you get that with yours?)

Like you, being at home with the kids is great, but you do need more. It won't be like this forever and you will meet similar people, it just won't be every day or week.

Alot of people online are in situations they wish they were not in. Those social sites especially.

In a later post you say 'It seems stupid that I'm lonely but turning offers down... but to accept either of those would definitely imply something'

I don't think it's stupid you are not accepting these offers. I believe that settling for second best only sets you up for later pain. Sometimes second best is the most lonely you can be, even than being on your own.

I don't know how you feel most of the time, but this time of year makes alot of people feel worse than the rest of the year.

You've had a few dates, you have 2 children, so you are good enough for someone, many someones. Maybe it's the blokes that aren't good enough for you and maybe one day you are just going to meet the right person that deserves you and the company of your 2 children.

I'm rubbish with relationships and rubbish with women. You can't be worse than me, that's why I am optimistic for you.

If it helps, just keep typing here. I'm sorry if my post isn't helpful, i'm rubbish with words The main point is, don't give up and if you feel low, post here. Lots of other people who can make a point better than me

pinkie_pie

Wowww 7 girls lol. Impressive!

So... I went out with a friend from uni tonight, to the movies n he came over to play some playstation.

20 minutes after he left - 'been meaning to ask for months, do you want to go out on a date?'

So as someone I was talking to put it, guess I might still have a tiny bit of mojo left. But regardless, none of these people are right, and as already proved I'm not in the right place to date anyone so...

Wasn't a Saturday in for a change though!

How did everyone else's saturdays go?