Forgotton ?

helena4_2

poppyolivia wrote: »

Right I think I'm about the only one seeing it from the OPs position...I would be gutted too!!!...Its NOT being materialistic at all....its the whole 'oh I wonder what I'll get' thing (since he mentioned you were getting something)..no I would be abit peeved about not getting anything 2 months down the line!..BUT maybe he has something GORGEOUS for your xmas since its so close now anyway. I absolutely love it when dh comes home with supermarket flowers now and again for me..yip they proabably cost £2 or £3..who cares the the wee things isn't it and I know if he mentioned getting me something sparkly I would be so excited all thouhg I would probably say that it doesn't matter (don't want to look greedy)...and if it didn't materialise I would be secretly annoyed..in fact I'd probably just ask him where it is!!!lol

For my 30th I was told by him we were getting babysitters in and going for a lovely meal...I noticed that on the way to the car he had something in his trouser pockets...square.....I honestly thought it was a ring in a box...got to the meal and realised it was a suprise party and the square thing was his camera!...to say I was gutted was an understatement!!lol...party was amazing though so don't think I'm ungrateful!!!haha!

Thank you ! its the fact he said he would and the fact I said ok at the end of the conversation, it all makes me feel worthless. When we first met ok until 2 months ago he never even looked openly at other women ( I do accept all men do it before anyone says it). But he does seem to me he does it more now,, maybe I need to re think my relationship as a whole?

helena4_2

Bronnie wrote: »

I wonder if he really is as comfortable money-wise as you say?

He did have to borrow £2,000 from you (I know you said it was fully repaid), which maybe seems a bit unusual for someone in his supposed financial situation.

it was just to pay a final bit on a property its all sorted now.

mountainofdebt

I'm going to sit on the fence here as I can see both sides of the situation.

My OH is year older than me and on his 30th I got a cake etc and thought he might have done something similar for mine - did he heck as like and yes it did smart a little - well OK alot. Roll on 10 yrs and I got him a lovely pair of cufflinks for his 40th - 2 yrs on I'm still waiting for my 40th birthday pressie :rolleyes:.

Anyway we were recently out with a few couples and the subject of celebrating 40th birthdays come up and I think OH felt a little guilty that my 40th birthday passed virtually unmarked.......

To be honest I know my OH is the sort of person that if I want something then I have to tell him - I know he won't buy me any jewellery without me being there because he argues that if he is going to spend money on jewellery he has to know that I like it and be wondering if I am only saying that I like it for appearances sake.

Also in my experience, most men don't attach the same importance to birthdays - noughty or not - that we girlies do.

mizzbiz

I think it's difficult with divorced men because they often are of the opinion that women are 'out to get everything they can'. It's for the new girlfriend to convince him otherwise if she wants a long standing relationship with him. Hence why Helena is probably not comfortable accepting much from him.

I would be slightly miffed if something had been offered and not transpired, but i'm the type that would just say, 'hey, when am I getting this mystery present then, hmm?'. In your case, after two years, I would just say this too him, jokingly of course, to show you are still waiting.

larmy16

helena4 wrote: »

Thank you ! its the fact he said he would and the fact I said ok at the end of the conversation, it all makes me feel worthless. When we first met ok until 2 months ago he never even looked openly at other women ( I do accept all men do it before anyone says it). But he does seem to me he does it more now,, maybe I need to re think my relationship as a whole?

You know there is a generalization from women that "All men are barstewards", well I think there is on the opposite side of the fence the generalization that "All women are gold diggers". I think this puts us all in a akward position when it comes to money, not wanting to seem grasping, yet also feeling uncomfortable if a man seems ungenerous.

We have to learn to give and receive. I am guilty of your feelings too. Hmmm, he did take that £10 note a little too eagerly for my liking......etc.

As for looking at other women, just tell him you would prefer he didn't do while you are sat right beside him........they do all look, but let's face it they have plenty of time to do the looking when we are not around....I am not talking a glance here....more the ogling factor.

Good luck.

Marcheline

Hi OP, I don't mean to be rude, but you are the one at fault here. You said no many times: if you meant yes, you should have said so, he's not a mind reader!

I think that over a long period of time, you've shot yourself in the foot by insisting to go halves and going on about not being into materialistic things etc. No wonder your boyfriend didn't get you anything, as he didn't want to "waste his money" on something that you might not value. He went so far as trying to gauge your reaction to the idea and you told him outright you didn't want it: what are you complaining about??!!

My own personal approach to dating (handed down from my mother, who, by the sound of it, never put her hand in her pocket to pay for dates in her youth!) is that you should offer once to pay half, but if the man says no, DO NOT INSIST at all, as he has asked you out and so should pay. There is no way on God's earth I'd have offered to pay half for my birthday meal out.

I've been with my boyfriend 4 years and he still pays for most dates. The only time I pay is if we're going say to the theatre and I might pay for my ticket, but he'll pay for his ticket, plus dinner and drinks on the night out itself.

I wouldn't bring it up again if I were you, chalk it up to experience.

mountainofdebt

Marcheline wrote: »

Hi OP, I don't mean to be rude, but you are the one at fault here. You said no many times: if you meant yes, you should have said so, he's not a mind reader!

This is one of my OH's pet hates - can't stand people who say I don't want anything when what they really mean is yes please!

helena4_2

mountainofdebt wrote: »

This is one of my OH's pet hates - can't stand people who say I don't want anything when what they really mean is yes please!

Yes and as stated by me and others it a natural response so as to not appear greedy!

mountainofdebt

But in fairness, if you are asked a question and you give an answer how is anyone, let alone a bloke, supposed to know that its not the really answer?

You may have given the answer not to appear greedy but then you've moaned about the price of the flowers and the vase you got given!

Next time, if there is a next time, give him the truth and then there is no doubt as to what you want!

Ruby_Moon

helena4 wrote: »

Hi need some opinions please I have been seeing my partner for nearly 2 years it was my 30th 2 months ago he took me out for dinner and gave me a bunch of flowers and a pretty vase, he went to pay for dinner and wanted to pay all the bill I insisted we go halves as we didnt go out for dinner on his b/day 3 weeks prior to my birthday so he said ok.

We got in the car to go back to his place and he said that these were not the main presents I was getting as its a big milestone turning 30 I said I dont need anything else the flowers and vase were enough im not the kind of person who wants things off people etc and im not into material things, anyway he said he wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery but was not sure what as in a bangle or earrings? I said no need but he kept saying no he would. Now since then he has not got me this bit of jewellry and lets be honest girls we secretly wnat something sparkly on our 30th right? so yes I was looking forward to it now I feel the moments gone it was more the sign of commitment I was looking for I guess that he thought highly of me.

I told my friend back then and now shes asking where this jewelry is and im too ashamed to say its all forgotton about, im not going to give hints to him because I dont want to seem greedy.

But when someone says your 'main' present is to come should it take over 2 months?

ps I have loaned this guy £2000 which he has paid back now all above board etc etc and he is not skint he has a good job

What would you do? x

pps please dont think im greedy or materialistic I live alone and buy what I want, the flowers still had the price tag on 3.99 and the vase looked like a less than a fiver. I spent more on him (on his not a milestone b/day) he was 31 I got him a digital photo frame and loaded pictures on to it too plus a bag full of lovely travel toiletrys for his job as he travels alot.

You say you aren't materialistic and yet you have a price tag still on the flowers and have made a note of how much you think the vase costs. Not only that but you are very conscious of money spent and what is due and it seems that your BF needs to be living at your standard, not his.
You ask "What would you do?"
What would I do about what? The fact that I hadn't got a gift from someone who said they would buy me it? I would forget about it and think about how I respond to people in future. Telling someone over and over "There's no need" is the same as throwing a gift back in their face to some people.
Move on but if you find yourself making mental notes of what he spends and how much you spend then I would suggest that you are not with the right person.