Forgotton ?

shellsuit

helena4 wrote: »

as I posted earlier the conversation ended in me saying ok AFTER saying he doesnt have to so he knew I may of been waiting, and him saying he wanted to buy me something like jewellry so thats 'sparkly in most peoples book! if you re read my earlier posts so no I did not say dont bother.

And I also have said I cant afford to pay dinners out and he is the one who decides we eat out so when the bill comes he will say something like if you give me 10 cash that means I wont have to go tot the ATM thanks thats after 'not offering' to pay half.

That's not what you said before.

I said no need but he kept saying no he would

You said he mentioned a bangle or earrings, so where does sprarkly come into it anyway?

Jewellery and sparkly to me, says diamonds/engagement ring, but you've just said you are not close to marriage.


*is well confused*

helena4_2

Zazen999 wrote: »

There's a huge difference between saying 'goodie, how exciting, can't wait' and 'no, no, no, oh go on then'. Perhaps he thinks you don't actually want it therefore he may as well save his cash.

And, I'm not being funny, but if we can see the mixed messages in just a few posts; how are you coming across to him?




And what did you get him for his birthday?

e are all different im not one to jump around saying goody cant wait for my present, i just said ok and kissed him.

I got him a digital photo frame which he loved and said it was very thoughtful that I even loaded pics of our days out together on it

JBD

OP, is there something else going on in your mind here?. To me there is a tiny little alarm bell going off in my head. It sounds a little bit like my sisters ex who turned out to be a proper conman. Is it possible that he is not being totally straight about his 'property empire'. The next time he offers to buy you something a little more expensive I would say 'yes please' and see if it materialises. It is possible that he only offered to buy you the jewellry because he knew that you would say no thankyou. Of course he may be a lovely completely trustworthy man, but not everyone is.

Zazen999

helena4 wrote: »

e are all different im not one to jump around saying goody cant wait for my present, i just said ok and kissed him.

No you didn't say ok - you said no [you said so yourself].

I didn't say jump around, I'm trying to show that the difference between engaging enthusiasm and insulting him by saying you didn't want a present is huge.

But hey ho, I'm guessing you didn't really want feedback; just for us to tell you that you were right.

helena4_2

JBD wrote: »

OP, is there something else going on in your mind here?. To me there is a tiny little alarm bell going off in my head. It sounds a little bit like my sisters ex who turned out to be a proper conman. Is it possible that he is not being totally straight about his 'property empire'. The next time he offers to buy you something a little more expensive I would say 'yes please' and see if it materialises. It is possible that he only offered to buy you the jewellry because he knew that you would say no thankyou. Of course he may be a lovely completely trustworthy man, but not everyone is.

I have seen the propertys etc met the tenants seen the paperwork around his house for the other houses. so no he is not a con man

helena4_2

Zazen999 wrote: »

No you didn't say ok - you said no [you said so yourself].

I didn't say jump around, I'm trying to show that the difference between engaging enthusiasm and insulting him by saying you didn't want a present is huge.

But hey ho, I'm guessing you didn't really want feedback; just for us to tell you that you were right.

That is how it ended sorry I didnt mention it does it change your opinion?

poppyolivia

Right I think I'm about the only one seeing it from the OPs position...I would be gutted too!!!...Its NOT being materialistic at all....its the whole 'oh I wonder what I'll get' thing (since he mentioned you were getting something)..no I would be abit peeved about not getting anything 2 months down the line!..BUT maybe he has something GORGEOUS for your xmas since its so close now anyway. I absolutely love it when dh comes home with supermarket flowers now and again for me..yip they proabably cost £2 or £3..who cares the the wee things isn't it and I know if he mentioned getting me something sparkly I would be so excited all thouhg I would probably say that it doesn't matter (don't want to look greedy)...and if it didn't materialise I would be secretly annoyed..in fact I'd probably just ask him where it is!!!lol

For my 30th I was told by him we were getting babysitters in and going for a lovely meal...I noticed that on the way to the car he had something in his trouser pockets...square.....I honestly thought it was a ring in a box...got to the meal and realised it was a suprise party and the square thing was his camera!...to say I was gutted was an understatement!!lol...party was amazing though so don't think I'm ungrateful!!!haha!

Bronnie

JBD wrote: »

OP, is there something else going on in your mind here?. To me there is a tiny little alarm bell going off in my head. It sounds a little bit like my sisters ex who turned out to be a proper conman. Is it possible that he is not being totally straight about his 'property empire'. The next time he offers to buy you something a little more expensive I would say 'yes please' and see if it materialises. It is possible that he only offered to buy you the jewellry because he knew that you would say no thankyou. Of course he may be a lovely completely trustworthy man, but not everyone is.

I wonder if he really is as comfortable money-wise as you say?

He did have to borrow £2,000 from you (I know you said it was fully repaid), which maybe seems a bit unusual for someone in his supposed financial situation.

Zazen999

helena4 wrote: »

That is how it ended sorry I didnt mention it does it change your opinion?

It may have ended that way, but the damage is done by your initial reaction, which was negative. How would you feel if you offered to buy something for someone you liked alot and they said no, no, no; oh I suppose so. You'd probably think - well, s0d you then!

gill_81uk

OP - I think a few people have been a bit harsh to you here.

You do sound confused, but perhaps that's because you are and need some advice rather than a lot of sniping.

I don't consider myself to be materialistic but I would feel a bit miffed if a boyfriend of 2 years only bought me cheap flowers and a vase for my birthday when he has money to spend on other things, after I had bought him an expensive present. If money is an issue then obviously it's a totally different matter, but I would feel very low down in the pecking order if he gave the impression he could afford to buy something nice (not neccessarily expensive, thoughtful is more important) and didn't.

I do agree that you should have accepted the meal when he offered to pay although unfortunately there's nothing you can do about that now so there's no point keep labouring the point. You've probably made a bit of a rod for your own back by being too nice and insisting you didn't need anything else initially. I know you changed your mind afterwards but the damage was possibly already done by then.

I think you need to think about whether this is a relationship that you really want to be in as you don't seem to able to talk to you OH honestly and seem to be building up a lot of irritation towards him, which definitely isn't healthy.

I honestly think you need to let the birthday thing go and possibly lower your budget a bit when it comes to buying xmas and bday presents for him. He possibly felt your present was a bit extravagant which is why he felt he had to say he'd get something else? And next time he offers to treat you accept it graciously and say "that would be lovely thankyou". You don't need to refuse treats to stop yourself from looking greedy as long as you aren't taking all the time.