Forgotton ?

Tony69

helena4 wrote: »

Hi need some opinions please I have been seeing my partner for nearly 2 years it was my 30th 2 months ago he took me out for dinner and gave me a bunch of flowers and a pretty vase, he went to pay for dinner and wanted to pay all the bill I insisted we go halves as we didnt go out for dinner on his b/day 3 weeks prior to my birthday so he said ok.

We got in the car to go back to his place and he said that these were not the main presents I was getting as its a big milestone turning 30 I said I dont need anything else the flowers and vase were enough im not the kind of person who wants things off people etc and im not into material things, anyway he said he wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery but was not sure what as in a bangle or earrings? I said no need but he kept saying no he would. Now since then he has not got me this bit of jewellry and lets be honest girls we secretly wnat something sparkly on our 30th right? so yes I was looking forward to it now I feel the moments gone it was more the sign of commitment I was looking for I guess that he thought highly of me.

I told my friend back then and now shes asking where this jewelry is and im too ashamed to say its all forgotton about, im not going to give hints to him because I dont want to seem greedy.

But when someone says your 'main' present is to come should it take over 2 months?

ps I have loaned this guy £2000 which he has paid back now all above board etc etc and he is not skint he has a good job

What would you do? x

pps please dont think im greedy or materialistic I live alone and buy what I want, the flowers still had the price tag on 3.99 and the vase looked like a less than a fiver. I spent more on him (on his not a milestone b/day) he was 31 I got him a digital photo frame and loaded pictures on to it too plus a bag full of lovely travel toiletrys for his job as he travels alot.

When you got in the car...who was driving?

Tony69

helena4 wrote: »

Def not we are not close to marriage

No offence, but make sure it stays that way for a bit longer.

skypie123_2

For heavens sake there are some really unpleasant people on this board giving this poor girl a really hard time!
Helena - if it was me it would annoy me too. Sounds like you need to have a sit down with him and maybe discuss where the relationship is heading. I sense you may want more commitment and there is nothing wrong with that. You deserve to know where you stand. EVERYONE at some time or other has said 'You shouldn't have' or 'Theres no need' when offered a gift! Thats just how some people were brought up!
Its just borne out of a kind of embarrassment when someone is spoiling us thats all!
Also what I don't understand is whats wrong with being a bit materialistic anyway? Don't we ALL want nice things in life? Don't we ALL deserve nice things? It doesnt mean that we are gold diggers!! Like the OP said, she pays for her own stuff most of the time any way. Whats wrong with her OH doing what he said he was going to do and buying her something nice for her birthday?? If he didnt want to do it he shouldnt have said he would!!

Kay_Peel

helena4 wrote: »

But when someone says your 'main' present is to come should it take over 2 months?

I have loaned this guy £2000.... which he has paid back now all above board etc etc and he is not skint he has a good job



... he was 31 I got him a digital photo frame and loaded pictures on to it too plus a bag full of lovely travel toiletrys for his job as he travels a lot.

I sense a lot of resentment.

You spend a lot of money on his 31st birthday. You lent him two grand. He LETS you pay halves for your own birthday dinner. Feeling guilty over giving you a bunch of flowers and a measly vase, he makes an empty promise about a supposed MAIN present.

Go with your instincts. He's tight (for whatever reason) and he speaks with forked tongue when it suits. If you like him then you'll just have to accept how he is. If it's starting to make you feel undervalued and taken for granted, then ...... well you know the answer to that one, I'm sure.

jackieb

Zazen999 wrote: »

If we're confused, think about how he feels - and no - not every girl secretly wants something sparkly on our 30th - or any other birthday. So you can't use that as an excuse to say he should know.

I got a Dyson from my other half for my 30th. :rolleyes: I wanted to clobber him with it. I never ask for anything. I'm not materialistic either, but that was taking the p!

trickytrolleys

Helena, I understand what you are saying, never ask a question like that on here because you get the 'mse forum members' answer and not a real one :rolleyes:

If I am correct it is more a 'let down' feeling that he has promised you something that you feel would have meant something / evidenced his commitment to you ??

I agree, I would feel the same if my boyfriend said ' ooh, im going to get you something lovely' and then never mentioned it again, i would feel hurt TBH as I would feel it is an indication of his feelings and has nothing to do with the actual purchasing of a bit of jewellery - am I right ??

I don't know what to advise but I would just pick my moment and say 'so where's my XXXXX ' and laugh so he would have the choice to laugh it off or maybe just remind him that he hasn't done what he said he would do, good luck!!

helena4_2

trickytrolleys wrote: »

Helena, I understand what you are saying, never ask a question like that on here because you get the 'mse forum members' answer and not a real one :rolleyes:

If I am correct it is more a 'let down' feeling that he has promised you something that you feel would have meant something / evidenced his commitment to you ??

I agree, I would feel the same if my boyfriend said ' ooh, im going to get you something lovely' and then never mentioned it again, i would feel hurt TBH as I would feel it is an indication of his feelings and has nothing to do with the actual purchasing of a bit of jewellery - am I right

I don't know what to advise but I would just pick my moment and say 'so where's my XXXXX ' and laugh so he would have the choice to laugh it off or maybe just remind him that he hasn't done what he said he would do, good luck!!

Thanks tricktrolly also Kaypeel and skypie123

I realise I should not have posted here as there now!
Yes trickytrolly it is all about feeling let down and undervalued. All I wanted to ask was how would others feel if this was something that happened to them, alot said it would not bother them well your harder than me.

Zazen999

helena4 wrote: »

Thanks tricktrolly also Kaypeel and skypie123

I realise I should not have posted here as there now!
Yes trickytrolly it is all about feeling let down and undervalued. All I wanted to ask was how would others feel if this was something that happened to them, alot said it would not bother them well your harder than me.

So I was right, you didn't want opinions just people to agree with you.

I think what people are saying is - if you aren't clear then how does he know? I certainly don't know [still] what you are actually wanting here.

C_Mababejive

But Helena..he stated that he wanted to buy you some special piece of bling but you demurred coquettishly and so the poor guy now thinks the subject is closed and the moment has all but passed. The moment was then..not two months later.

Learn to accept gracefully.

He sounds fair enough...he borrowed money and paid it back. Personally i wouldnt have borrowed but many girls on here can testify to their cost re lending money..

Havent read all replies BTW

lynnexxxo

I think you are being your own worst enemy here. My OH would not forget my birthday - he wouldn't dare. And not this yeah i was thinking of getting you... My birthday is on the same day every year, its not a surprise and i don't think its too much to ask that he has bought the present in advance. Albeit my OH usually gets me something from tesco - but at least is a bit one and they sell allsorts, hate what to think I'd end up with if it was a tesco metro!

I think you have to let the present go, but certainly and his birthday I'd go for a nice meal and tell him you were thinking of buying him a rolex.

Most men are not mind readers. In some circumstances they are told no means no, so for sometimes no means yes or maybe, is just too complicated.

As for the dinner thing, next time he says lets go out for dinner simply say 'well i'm skint so if we go your paying'.