Forgotton ?

Zazen999

I often get compost for a birthday pressie; this year I am hoping for half a ton of mushroom compost for christmas. fingers crossed.

[ETA: I have told him this - I haven't hinted, or just thought lovingly about mushroom compost - he has the number of a chap to call and the use of my car with the seats down to pick it up - it's not rocket science ].

Reds-on-Sea

I'm sorry OP, but you need to start saying what you mean instead of trying to be polite and then complaining when you don't get what you want.

You can't expect your OH to know that when you say "no" you actually mean "yes" he isn't a mind reader.

I bet you're the kind of person who can't take a compliment either.

Start being more assertive! If you are offered something that you want - you should accept it. Your OH probably took your rejection at face value (as he should!) It's your own fault you didn't get your desired present, why would someone buy you a present you told them you don't want?

and fyi, I've been in a similar position, my OH once asked me what I wanted for one of my birthdays. I couldn't think of anything I wanted, so he just didn't buy anything. OH isn't going to buy me something I don't need or want for the sake of it. I always make sure I give him a list of things and he can choose one or 2 from the list depending on how much he wants to spend.

mandragora_2

After years of agonising - he wants to get me nice things, and I used to sort of expect him to guess what I wanted without really telling him or, in fact, often not knowing myself, and he was supposed to use some sort of miracle esp, we've hit on the perfect solution.
Either
a) I buy it myself when it's on special offer (I hate the money wasted on presents 'just for the sake of it' - it drives me mad to have money wasted on things I don't really want/need/could have bought cheaper) and give it to him, and he hides it well away so I 'forget' about it till it's given - and I often do actually forget!
Or,
b) I see what I would like, take him into the shop, point it out to him and say 'I'd really like that for my birthday/our silver wedding anniversary/Christmas' and he then has to buy it and hide it and give it to me. Then, if it's a piece of jewellery, I take it back to the shop and buy the one I pointed out, because he has the gift of buying the 'almost right' piece, rather than the thing I want!

MrsE_2

helena4 wrote: »

ok maybe I didnt put it right

all I wanted to ask is would anyone be offended if your partner said he would dearly like to treat you (whatever the item size/cost) then 'forgets'....how would you feel?

I would remind him.

pipkin71

helena4 wrote: »

So you be happy if the on your 3oth if he gave you flowers with 3.99 on the tag still and promised to buy some sparkle then not materialise?

You're not materialistic though, so why does the cost of the flowers bother you so much?

pipkin71

helena4 wrote: »

maybe I need to re think my relationship as a whole?

If you're thinking it, then maybe you do, helena.

Good luck with it all.

rumour_75

you are giving out the wrong answer to the question so im afraid imho you have no right to start moaning about it!
last year, my OH got into a fight in the afternoon, got arrested and totally missed my birthday party! turned up the next day with a fat lip, black eye, and wilting flowers from tesco! i was relieved he wasnt looking worse than that and laughed at him, but he did make up for it by cooking dinner. there was no point in being peeved as what could i actually do about it, other that prison break him??

seriously, either give the guy a break cos he is just a guy, and they do stupid things, or just move on!!!! jeeze

mrsr

Rockporkchop wrote: »

I would be very upset if my OH of two years didn't bother to get me anything but cheap flowers and a vase for my 30th birthday. Everyone is saying that he might be skint, but he could have saved up for her special day or otherwise bought something thoughtful but inexpensive.

Telling the OP he wanted to get her something nice is a total cop out - why didn't he just buy something in the first place? He probably knew the OP would say not to worry about it and he would be off the hook. He sounds quite tight to be honest.

I agree why did he buy the flowers and not the sprakley thing in the first place ,why turn up with flowers etc then say he's getting something extra later this reminds me of somebody i was in a relationship with many years ago .he was always going to get me something but never did ,in fact i only got one pressie in the whole eight years i knew him ,he was just plain mean ,perhaps this is the problem with your oh you don't say want he's like with money in general except from expecting you to go halfs
which again is a bad sign especally as you have said you can't afford the meals out

Lunar_Eclipse

helena4 wrote: »

We got in the car to go back to his place and he said that these were not the main presents I was getting as its a big milestone turning 30 I said I dont need anything else the flowers and vase were enough im not the kind of person who wants things off people etc and im not into material things, anyway he said he wanted to buy me a piece of jewellery but was not sure what as in a bangle or earrings? I said no need but he kept saying no he would. Now since then he has not got me this bit of jewellry and lets be honest girls we secretly wnat something sparkly on our 30th right? so yes I was looking forward to it now I feel the moments gone it was more the sign of commitment I was looking for I guess that he thought highly of me.

Personally, I think you should forget about this main gift and treat it as a learning opportunity in communication and the value of honesty.

If you were secretly delighted with his thought, I'd try to let him know in future instead of actually making it very difficult for him to treat you by saying 'no' more than once. I'm a woman and find this frustrating; he can't read your mind.

shazrobo

maybe he bought the flowers as a token gesture, and was going to see what jewelery you wanted and liked, and you told him there was no need to bother, so he thought theres no point as she isnt that keen on the idea.
my OH is like this he takes things as they are said.
so now when he says what would you like, i take him shopping, show him a few things i like, where the best prices are etc, then he has a clear idea what you like.
at least he remembered and bought flowers, my OH (an ex rugby player) thinks its girly to buy flowers and carry them back to the car, he'll only buy them if i am there to carry them