blighted ovum (miscarriage)

Gingham_Ribbon

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

emma_b_4

claudie, thankyou for sharing your experience. its quite comforting to hear of others who had a blighted ovum, as not many have heard of it. im happy you went on to have a healthy baby and hopefully we will do too, although dont know when! i am very caring and love children, worked as a nanny for years and then in a nursery b4 giving it all up to train as a childrens nurse.
strong? hmm i dont know. my OH says so after whats happened, but i didnt get a choice, i had to just get on with it, and life events such as these make every1 stronger dont they.

there are many other strong women who have shared their stories on this thread (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


jellyhead, your experience sounds terrible, there should be more communication within a and e. i was there for a night when i was spotting and was waiting 5 hours for anyone to even come into me. then all they did was feel my tummy and send me home (they listened for hbeat too but obviously didntget one, they should have also scanned me, but was a sat night ?!)

when i had my contractions i stayed at home, i kept in touch with the ward but knew they couldnt do much for me so i just tried to manage my own pain as best i could really. next day MIL said they might have given me morphine for the pain. i had used a wheat bag and paracetemol (with little effect!)

i cant imagine how hard it must have been for you to be on your own at a time like that and im sending cyber hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shelley, i too thought miscarrigaes were lots of bleeding ; which they are but not at the point you "lose" your baby, which i found hard to understand. my spotting was so tiny i wasnt even worried.

at least i will be informed for my next pregnancy i suppose.

thanks again for words of support and to every1 for sharing your experiences hopefully this thread has helped some others too

alice's_mum

at least i will be informed for my next pregnancy i suppose.

((((EMMA))))), That is the main thing, knowing what can happen should mean you get seen quicker and any problems are taken seriously from the outset. Many Dr's and Nurses ( I have found) think if it's a first pregnancy that you panic over the slightest thing and it's just first time nerves, if it happens second time around, you are speaking from experience and does make a difference.

I've had 4 of these miscarriages, to much to go into now, but 3 before DS and 1 inbetween DS and DD, the first 3 were at about 9/10 weeks, so before any scans, the fourth was at 14 weeks, but had had a scan at 9 weeks due to previous history, so had 5 weeks of having "officially been pregnant" as it were, knew due dates etc, even had the pictures. But it wasn't to be.

The thing is these things can't be brushed under the carpet, you willneed to talk about it, I'm lucky I now have 2 lovely children, and can only say that all the way thru both pregnancies, any problem was investigated to the fullest extent, if I was bothered my GP was bothered, and that helped alot. Especially as DS was actually twins, had a scan at 9 weeks due to previous mc's and then went again at 12 weeks as had strange pain, and found 1 twin was dead, nurses were great fortunately and told me to expect bleeding, and to come in for scan to check on number 1 at any time. (i think I'd rather have stayed hooked to scanner for next 3 days for my own peace of mind, but that wasn't allowed).

it's not an easy thing to deal with, when you become pregnant again, you will be ultra sensitive to the slightest twinge, but you should find your GP and midwife will be much quicker off the mark with scans etc. It will get easier, if you need to talk speak to your GP or ask to see a counsellor. AND TAKE NO NOTICE OF STUPID WOMEN!! If I had a £ for every, "oh well, it wasn't meant to be" or "at least you weren't very pregnant". I wouldn't be an MSEr!!!!

Take Care
Lx

Spendless

Claudie wrote:

. That second pregnancy was full of complications from day one and I made the decision to tell everyone I was pregnant very early on. The first time I went through so much alone that the second time I wanted all the support and love I could get in case anything awful happened again. Perhaps not the usual logic but I felt I really needed extra care and attention.

Take care
Claudie

That's a fair comment. In the event of something happening again, you would still need to tell people for support and would have to tell them of your pregnancy and loss together. maybe the answer is to tell very close people only and swear them to secrecy. In our case with the 1st we were not able to let everyone know what had happened, cos friends had told friends who'd told friends etc. When it was hubbys stag do the following May,(baby would have been 2.5 months old) he invited people from different branches of where he worked and one bloke that he hadn't seen or heard from for some time greeted him with "hello mate, how's the baby...giving you lots of sleepless nights?" Of course Hubby then had to tell him what had happened, bloke must have felt awful, but we didn't know he knew and whoever had told him either didn't tell him what had happened or didn't know themselves.

moo842

i know how broken hearted you must feel. i lost my son on the 16th jan 2003, at just 16 weeks pregnant. i had a full labour and gave birth on my own at my local a&e. this was my 2nd baby and i now have had my 3rd, but people didn't even seem to notice the loss of my son. not even a card of condolence.my mil complained that we had the funeral on a weekday, so she had to take leave from work! and on my 3rd son even the professionals doubted that i could have lost a baby at 16weeks, and him be 16 weeks in size (eg. that he had been growing happily up to this point) as it is highly unusual normally they would have died before 12 weeks. because my loss was different from the norm i too was often made to feel a fraud!
i don't think anyone can understand what losing a baby at this sort of stage can feel like as you are led to beleive that once 12 weeks have passed then nothing bad can happen

jellyhead

moo as far as i understand it you can miscarry as soon as a baby dies, or sometimes not for weeks afterwards. my body naturally miscarried around 4 weeks after the baby died but other women don't miscarry within a certain time limit and need treatment to contract the womb. it was insenstive and probably incorrect to say your dates were wrong, there doesn't seem to be any logic surrounding how long a baby stays in the womb after it has died.

alice's mum i'm sorry you had so many losses. my aunt lost one of twins too and people were very insensitive, expecting her to just be grateful that she would have one baby, not allowing that she needed to mourn the lost twin.

spendless i found that if you tell you mum or sister etc. then suddenly a hundred other people know, through work, chat in the playground or at baby groups etc. and it seems impossible to only tell close friends. i'm not planning another pregnancy yet, but if it does happen i think i will only tell my mum, and ask her to keep it to herself. i tried to get pregnant for 3 years before i had roo and i didn't tell anyone we were trying. as claudie says, you need some support, but i did find it very hard everyone asking me about it, even now it seems there are lots of people who knew i was pregnant and haven't heard i lost it. maybe being pregnant when i'd just had a baby made it a talking point.

thanks emma. the reason i was in a and e was because the emergency GP i'd seen was concerned about ectopic pregnancy because i'd been vomiting and wasn't feeling well.

pickle

emma_b wrote:

im sorry to hear you had a bad experience pickle, mine wasnt great but at the timw i just kept focussing on going home and nothing really registered, its only now that things like that pop into my head. i actually work, through placement at uni, at the hosp where i went so maybe i will find out how to complain.

my mum in law (to be) wors on the ward, and a friend is one of the nurses, i did mention it to her and she said she had rang whoever concerned and complained, though.

a bit of sensitivity goes a long way at times like that and thats what they need to realise, just cos they see it every day.. we dont.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think that's it - it's just that the staff become used to it and it's an everyday occurence. I never thought I'd feel like that over a miscarriage, it surprised me really. Plus I think my hormones plunged afterwards and took a while to get back to normal so it probably didn't help. Good on your MIL/friend for complaining, they sound really supportive!

rchddap1

I'm pregnant at the moment (coming up to 4 months). I was so excited at the first scan and can imagine how I would feel if there was nothing there. It would have left me devistated.

jellyhead

sorry if we've scared you!

i joined the bounty forums, i was a member of the july group last year when having roo but i didn't join until i was around halfway. this time around i joined the november thread early on and so i saw all the lost babies, the members saying 'i have to leave' and it was so sad, i couldn't imagine how i'd feel if i lost my baby, then of course i did.

statistically you should be fine *HUGS*

rchddap1

I know that 'bean' is there. Saw it a few weeks ago. Took ages for the silly thing to sit still so that they could get the readings they needed. Besides my view point is that if my body rejects the baby then there is a very good reason why. I wouldn't want bean to live a life of pain and would much rather my body do something about it if things are that bad.

Of course I'd be very sad if that did happen, but that is how my partner and I would get through it. Its especially hard for him at the moment because he and his ex lost 2 boys (something badly wrong and she had to give birth to them at around 20 weeks). So we both have very good reasons for feeling this way.

We both know what can happen and hence the 'c'est la vie' attitude.