blighted ovum (miscarriage)

emma_b_4

ps the partying was fab, im ver roguh today though as its been a while!
and we are hoping to book holiday next week, going 14th july to playa den bossa in ibiza, it was gorgeous (2 hols in two months!!!!)

apart from my tan has peeled off cos i got burnt, so i will be milky white again when i go back. bummer.

jellyhead

hope you enjoy your holiday

it sounds as if my hospital is quite sensitive to miscarrying women, in some departments at least. out of hours isn't the best time though, i was seen by an out of hours gp (it was the easter weekend) and sent up to hoospital with a letter for the emergency gynae sho or whatever the initials are. i had to give the letter to the a and e department. then i had to wait in the waiting room for 2 hours before they got anyone down to take me up to the emergency gynae department. perhaps the doctor i saw was on call and had to be called in from her home or whatever. she was great, but those 2 hours in a and e were awful. the staff glared when i asked if it would be long. i was passing large clots and had people banging on the door to use the toilet. i didn't have spare clothes or enough sanitary pads with me and didn't think i could make it back to the chairs without covering the floor in blood, but thankfully the bleeding settled down. i was in agony and when the contractions got stronger i moaned in pain, and got stared at. i had to beg the staff to chase up whoever was supposed to be seeing me because i was desperate for pain relief and didn't have any. my husband was at home with my children and was settling the baby to sleep, so i couldn't call him to bring me clothes and pads, and all of my friends and family were away for the weekend.

if only the a and e staff had a procedure for people needing an emergency gynae doctor i might have been spared some pain and embarassment. because they knew who i needed to see i wasn't prioritised as an a and e patient, so my moaning and bleeding was lower priority than the room full of drunks who'd been fighting. i realise they don't have the staff to actually watch over extra patients out the back but if they'd just let me go somewhere quieter, with a toilet i could use it would have been nicer. i was scared of covering the floor in blood, or screaming if the pain got worse, and being in a sea of jeering drunks.

ho hum, i'm in a real whinge mode today aren't i :rotfl:

Spendless

I was very fortunate where I was. Years earlier 2 of the midwives who worked there had had stillbirths (in the 1960s) and had been very upset over how they were treated eg not being allowed to see their babies. They went on to establish a suite for anyone losing their baby. It was still on the maternity ward so the midwives could care for you, but in a total seperate part. I was put into a sort of self-contained flat for the 2 nights I was there. There was also an extra room with an en-suite bathroom that was being used by another woman who was losing her baby whilst I was there/

Jay-Jay_4

Hi emma,

I'm glad you went partying and I'm really pleased that you're having a holiday soon too. That's just what you need, to spend some mine with your chap and make some decisions while you're nice and relaxed.

You know you can come on here anytime when you're feeling down. People think that you just get over something like this but I know that you can seem ok on the outside but still be hurting like hell on the inside. At least here you can come and pour it all out, we all understand that you need to keep going over it all to make sense of it.

jellyhead

that sounds great. they have a 'family room' here that's a larger ensuite room with a double bed etc. so families can be together for a while, but it was described as being 'for if a baby is born with downs and the parents need advice'. perhaps they didn't want to mention stillbirth on a tour for heavily pregnant women. but it's either on the main maternity ward corridor where you'd still hear the other babies crying, or on the delivery suite where you'd hear women giving birth and that weak little cry of the newborns. i can't remember which.

but they wouldn't be able to do that for miscarriage, at least not for early miscarriage because it happens so often. there were 6 of us there that morning and i'm assuming 6 a day is typical, unfortunately.

about the 16 week thing mentioned, could that be because some areas don't have a 12 week scan and then a 20 week one, they just have one at 16 weeks?

i didn't think about the scan being confirmation that things were okay, i don't think i know anyone who has lost a baby before 12 weeks and in my ignorance i thought that when you miscarry you know about it straight away, that you bleed and miscarry as soon as the baby dies. i had no idea that people can go for a 12 week scan to find their baby died weeks ago and it's a 'missed miscarriage'. it came as a complete surprise to me. i thought well i've got this far and everything seems okay, so i'll tell people. next day i started bleeding. i wish i'd known. everyone in the playground knew i was pregnant. on the way home from the hospital i fancied some chips and the owner of the shop was teasing me about being pregnant again so soon after having baby roo - his wife knew from the school playground. i'd just miscarried that day and didn't want anybody talking to me about being pregnant. i was dreading going back to school after the holiday. friday i didn't just get the tesco letter, i also had somebody on the bus asking me if i was feeling okay, she hadn't heard i'd lost the baby.

i wish i'd realised that a baby can die without you knowing - i wouldn't have told anyone (except you lot on MSE).

Claudie

Hi Emma

I just found this thread and wanted to say I was so sorry to hear that you lost your baby - it is very sad indeed. I also wanted to say that you sound very caring and strong and I wanted to wish you good luck and all the best for the future.

Several years ago I had a blighted ovum at 11 weeks and was devastated; it had taken me several years and interventions to get pregnant. I thought that getting pregnant would be my challenge, losing the pregnancy was never even a thought for me. The Hospital sent me home to miscarry naturally and without a doubt, it was the hardest thing I have ever been through.

Thankfully I went on (three months later "accidentally" and without intervention) to have another pregnancy which resulted in a perfect baby. That second pregnancy was full of complications from day one and I made the decision to tell everyone I was pregnant very early on. The first time I went through so much alone that the second time I wanted all the support and love I could get in case anything awful happened again. Perhaps not the usual logic but I felt I really needed extra care and attention.

This thread has shown me there are some great and supportive MSE ers out there and thank you all for being so kind spirited.

Take care
Claudie

shelly

jellyhead wrote:

i don't think i know anyone who has lost a baby before 12 weeks and in my ignorance i thought that when you miscarry you know about it straight away, that you bleed and miscarry as soon as the baby dies. i had no idea that people can go for a 12 week scan to find their baby died weeks ago and it's a 'missed miscarriage'. it came as a complete surprise to me.

i wish i'd realised that a baby can die without you knowing

I can totally relate to this jellyhead. My first pregnancy in 2004, I started spotting at about 6 weeks so I called my GP. He said not to worry as spotting can be normal, it can either be implantation or some women spot when their period would have been due. Anyway, the spotting stopped but was replaced with pale brown discharge which was on and off for the following 6 weeks. I'd had no pain or fever so GP wasn't overly concerned. I had a scan booked at 3 months only to be told the sac was empty and I'd miscarried at anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 months. I assumed miscarriages were lots of bleeding and pain straightaway but now I know different. My second pregnancy in February this year, I got spotting and knew immediately what it was, I was 6 and half weeks. I went to A&E just before midday and put on a ward. I was examined and scanned and told that the sac was empty. I decided to go back the following week to make sure in my own mind that there was no hope. The following week I was told the pregnancy had definately not progressed so I had a D&C a few days later.

mummytofour

Huge great hugs hunni, to believe for 15 weeks your are pg and then not to be must be so painful, Im so sorry.
Hopefully it wont be to long before you have some joy in your life.
Vxx

smartiepants

I just wanted to add my sympathy to you and your other half on the loss of your baby. xx

jellyhead

shelly, sorry it happened twice *HUGS*
i hope you have a better outcome if you try again.