blighted ovum (miscarriage)

shelly

Hi emma. So very sorry to hear you lost your baby. I don't know if you remember me but I posted on the thread when you said you were expecting. I too was expecting (would have been due first week in nov) but lost mine at 6 weeks. Exactly the same as you, dark discharge and spotting, the scan showed nothing but an empty sac. I knew exactly what was happening as I'd had the same thing happen in Aug 2004. My first loss I took the tablets, I wouldn't recommend them to anyone. The pain was unbearable and they didn't work so I had d&c in the end. The second loss I had d&c straightaway. Even though we desperately wanted both babies, it seems like the loss of the last baby was a blessing in disguise as I've just been diagnosed with cervical cancer following pathology tests on the remains of the pregnancy that they removed. Had I carried for a few more months we would have had to make the decision to terminate to save my life or carry on with the pregnancy and risk my life. Depending on treatment I might never be able to have children naturally.


The pain does get easier to bear. Try again when you feel able to. Try not to be afraid when it does happen (easier said than done)


Best wishes for the future to you and your partner.

xxx

Jay-Jay_4

Shelly, what a horrible time you're having

I hope your treatment isn't too invasive and that having children is still very much on the cards for you when you recover.

x x x

Bossyboots

Oh Emma, I remember your original thread. I am so sorry for your loss my darling.

pickle

Hi Emma,

That's terrible for you, I hope you feel better soon. I went through a miscarriage a couple of years ago and was devastated at the time. I think people sometimes think that it's something that you "just get over", that it's no big deal but it's far from it and they can say really stupid and insensitive things, mainly through ignorance or thoughtlessness. I think the comment about being jealous of your brother is very insensitive. My MIL said afterwards that someone that they knew had one later than me and that it "was worse" than mine (I knew she was talking about herself). I just responded that every person has a different reaction to it so you can't measure whether one person's experience was worse than anothers. I wish I'd just said something far more blunt! Whatever you do don't feel that you have to react according to how other people expect you to and take as long as you like to grieve. It's a loss no matter when you experience it. The other thing that I was told was "wait for 3 months before you start trying again". My advice is do whatever you feel like, if you want to wait then wait or if you want to try again straight away and it's physically ok to do so, then go ahead. I found the Miscarriage Association was good to talk to at the time and they sent some booklets out which were quite helpful. Make sure you give yourself and your partner lots of TLC and keep away from people who bring you down.

Katinkka

So sorry to hear this. I've had three miscarriages but all ended much sooner than yours. I think everyone should get an earlier scan to find these things sooner.

emma_b_4

katinkka, i agree, and if i get pregnant again it will be something i mention.

shelley, im so sorry to hear of your loss, i rememeber you posting, i hope everything goes okay for you and im thinking of you. i hope the treatment goes well and doesnt affect your fertility, please feel free to PM me if you ever need some1 to talk to. sending big hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

spendless, they didnt say anything about trying again at the hospiatl, just said "be careful for the next few weeks" and thats it! i have spoken to OH nd we are going to leave it for the summer, we have just booked another holiday, back to ibiza where we were last week, for july so we have got that to focus on and look forward to and then maybe after the summer we might think about trying again.
i have never felt broody before, and ive worked with children and babies for five years, but the feelings are overwhelming at times, maybe made stronger by the arrival of nephew i dont know.

i too had had feelings like larmy, i had felt i was too young and was missing out and it wasnt the roight time and i was jealous of my OPH and friends all drinking and enjoying themselves at first, but those feelings passed with time and id started to enjoy it and be happy. i did feel at first maybe my "bad" thoughts had been passed down but i think its just a guilt thing and trying to make sense of things.

thanks again for all your kind words and i do hope i havent upset anyone by starting this post

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shelly

Thank you both emma_b and Jay-Jay.


I asked if it was ok to fall pregnant within a few weeks of losing a baby and was told that whilst it might be ok physically they did advise us to not to try or even make love using protection whilst bleeding and even when bleeding has fully stopped to wait another 48 hrs to reduce the chance of infection. They said if it happened not to worry but they prefer you not to for fear of infection being introduced into the recovering womb.



I felt guilty about my second miscarriage because as soon as I found out I was expecting again I was almost waiting for it to happen. I felt that my thoughts somehow made my body think.....well if she's waiting for it lets just do it. Mad I know but there it is.


The physical side of things heals pretty quickly but the mental side of it doesn't. Theres not a day goes by I don't think about both babies.

Wait until you're both ready to try again, don't let people say you should be over it by so and so time. Everyone is different and we all have to take our own time to grieve.

Best wishes emma_b.


xxx

pinky8

Hi Emma,

I'm so sorry ((((hug))))

I know how you are feeling, I had something silmilar to you aswell, I felt sick,knackered etc. I went for my scan at 13 wks and was told that my baby was a little small and only measuring about 8 ish weeks they suggested i go home and come back in 1 week, it was a terrible week all i did was worry and then when i went back at 14 wks they said my baby had no heart beat and had had no growth.

I was told i could go home and i would spontaneously miscarry or i could have a d & c. I chose the d&c as it had already been 5+ wks and I had had no bleeding or anything. When i woke up from the d&c i felt empty...I was told it had happened 'probably' due to a chromosomal abnormality. It also seemed to be that after my d&c everyone was pregnant, everywhere i looked i saw a pregnant person, I would get upset when i saw people smoking whilst pregnant and i would think alot why me?

People have different views which for some reason they feel they have to say, My boyfriends sister said to me"why are you crying? It wasn't really a baby was it?" This made me so upset, even if maybe mine wasn't a fully formed baby, to me mine was, as soon as i fell pregnant I was having a baby, i didn't really think about it in any other way? Some people are insensitive

It takes time, you may never forget but you do move on.

That was in April 2002 I then fell pregnant a few months later and had a healthy little girl in july 2003 and then another little girl in june 2005.

Don't listen to the members of your family that are upseting you, good luck with whatever happens in the future xxx

notakid

Hello
I've had 2 miscarridges, my first was my first child and I was in hospital for a week and had a D&C and I caught for my son a month later. The second was my third preg I had terrible morning sickness (I did with all my successful pregs) but lost it on the 9th week. Who ever said that you where "pretending" is talking out of their ar*e! I wasn't pretending to be sick all the time it is a pregnacey not a frame of mind! Maybe you should print out our comments and show her and hopefully she will be ashamed of her ignorance. Keep your chin up and it will happen and don't worry as everyone else says its so common but people don't talk about it.

jellyhead

hi emma,

i'm so sorry you're not getting the support that you need from an insensitive family. i miscarried last month too, my scan date was may 4th same as yours but i micarried before the scan. looking at the miscarriage the baby probably died about 4 weeks before it 'came out', but i had no idea that i wasn't pregnant anymore and my hormones carried on thinking i was pregnant.

it sounds petty but the girl across the road also had her scan date on may 4th and i'm a bit jealous of her pregnancy, seeing her get bigger etc. and although everyone else seems to have forgotten i was ever pregnant i'm going to be upset when she goes into labour and brings her baby home. i'm trying to get over it but i'm not coping as well inside as i seem to be on the outside.

when i started spotting i was seen by a lovely doctor who told me my cervix was closed and she could see no reason for the bleeding, but she arranged a scan. she told me there was every chance i was still pregnant, so to be asked next morning by a male doctor if i was passing 'products' after i miscarried during the night was really hurtful. it wasn't 'products', it was my baby! i remembered from a thread on here a while back that what comes out is called the products of conception, but i didn't like my baby being talked about in that way.

when i went to be scanned and was told the 'good news' is that my womb was completely empty i thought how can that be good news, when only a few hours ago i had no idea that i would miscarry. but having seen other women going through it and going back for repeat scans etc. i suppose i was lucky in a way that i didn't need any further treatment and didn't need to go back to hospital at all. there were 5 other women having scans through the emergency gynae department, and we were kept apart from the other pregnant women. the others were all having scans to see if anything had changed since their last one, they'd been told there was just a sac, and to come back in 2 weeks to see if there was a heartbeat.

the doctor i saw after the scan was very helpful. she told me that there's no reason for most miscarriages, and that most women can have a healthy baby next time. she said there was no reason to wait, that i could get pregnant straight away if i wanted to - but i'd had a scan showing no 'retained products of conception' and had no infection, so no reason not to try again. i was surprised when she told me how common miscarriages are, and that 1 woman in 5 who has a pregnancy test and keeps the baby will have miscarried by the 12 week scan, with lots of them having a 12 weeks scan to be told that the baby has died.

emma this has nothing to do with your brother, and it was not in your mind. you were pregnant and miscarried - nothing you could have done about it. it wasn't a 'phantom' pregnancy - you can't 'think' a positive test or a pregnancy sac.

my pregnancy wasn't planned, i was having a coil fitted but the doc couldn't manage it. she sent me to the hopital but i was pregnant when i got there. but i knew about the baby for 5 weeks and was excited about it. when a friend of a friend said to me 'oh well at least it wasn't planned' i wanted to hit her. i wanted that baby and during the night when i didn't know if i was having a miscarriage or not i desperately wanted the baby to be okay. i only knew about it for 5 weeks but i loved it - planned or not.

i thought i was coping okay with my miscarriage but this thread has brought it all back. keep posting any time you're upset emma, lots of people on here will have unfortunately had the same experience and we're a supportive bunch.