blighted ovum (miscarriage)

jellyhead

hi emma,
well for me the thread was really helpful because i'm a 'glass is half full' kind of person and i tend to pretend that i'm fine when anything bad happens, i just say 'well at least it's better than blah blah blah' and try not to dwell on it. but when i posted the long message on here my husband had gone away for the weekend and i'd just opened the post to get a tesco clubcard mailing for baby club, with a magazine and vouchers for the baby i lost, and it upset me. i suppose i'll have to tell them, and boots not to send me any more, i don't want 'so you're due any day now' mailings from them in november.

when i first lost the baby i wanted another one immediately. my husband wasn't so sure, although he wanted the baby and was upset that we lost it he pointed out that it was bad timing and we'd be better to wait before trying for another. it's true, but i was just so broody. the blood loss after the miscarriage was horrendous and i felt so ill, and then when i got my period 5 weeks later it was really heavy and my usual pills for blood loss during heavy periods weren't enough. i couldn't get my son to school, so i called the GP and got a mirena coil put in (the hormones are supposed to minimise bleeding for heavy bleeders like me). so the decision is out of my hands i suppose, i'm not going to get pregnant with a mirena coil in. by the time my period arrived i had stopped being broody and was actually thinking that no i didn't want another baby yet, the hormones had settled. but i'm not in your situation, i already have a baby at home.

in a way i feel guilty now. the miscarried baby wasn't planned and if the gp had got the coil in i wouldn't have been pregnant at all. and then 5 weeks after i lost it i have a coil and won't be trying for another baby. it looks as if i never wanted the baby i lost but that's not the case at all.


emma that's so sad that you had to sit with the pregnant women. on the night i first went to hospital the doctor on call had chatted for a while. she said they'd recently changed a lot of pregnancy things so that the emergency patients who were miscarrying, had a possible problem etc. went to an emergency gynea ward instead of with the other pregnant women. it was just a tiny room in another ward not connected with pregnancy, but it was away from the others who were happily chatting about their scans etc. the patients for abortion were on a different floor altogether, completely separate. usually the emergency patients go down together for their scans, with a nurse. the scan staff know they are under the emergency ward and are sensitive. the lady doing my scan was lovely, really sympathetic and when she did my scans last year for baby roo she was lovely then too, really understood how excited everyone was rather than just doing her job.

keeping routine pregnancy scans, miscarriages and abortions separate made a big difference for me. i averted my eyes from all the pregnant bellies in the lift and foyer, but would have hated to sit in a waiting room with them. not that anyone would have chatted to me about my pregnancy, i was crying the whole time. i might write to the NCT and suggest they campaign for more hospitals to give women who are miscarrying a place to wait apart from the routine scans, i wish your hospital had done it for you emma.

emma_b_4

yes it would have made things a litter easier, although i was still kind of numb then so it didnt register anyway. it was a double blow aswell as my scan date was originally 7th may at 10am, but i had the scan the thursday b4, had the mc over the weekend and then returned mon 7th at 10.30am to check it was "complete" which was really strange. im glad i had the earlier scan, so when i started bleeding i knew what was happening, although it didnt make it easier it just took away the whole panicking side of it, i would have had to rush to a and e etc, not knowing what was going on.

i too keep getting emails fromm all the baby things i had signed upto, i have been trying to unsubscribe but havnt succeeded yet.
im back on placement next week, on the childrens ward, dont really know how that will go yet, i feel fine about things now, i have ocme to terms with it and i can talk about it. just might be strange seeing the new borns.

thanks again everyone

hope you have had a good bank holiday xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Spendless

emma_b wrote:

oh and i spoke about trying again as im just unbeleivably broody, which im wandering will it fade with time? is it hormonal?

I didn't find broodiness fading. I lost the baby in October. I had an amnio and requested a post-mortem to establish a possible cause.I was told that the most usual cause was genetic so for me till we got the results back we wouldn't be trying again. Financially we were also in a mess. I'd packed in my job and moved from my house to be with now husband. After I'd packed job in I discovered I was pregnant and was ill in pregnancy so lookingfor and holding down a job was not very feasible. We had also been unable to find tenants to rent my house, so were struggling with 2 mortgages and 1 job. I felt guilty too when we lost baby as we had all this financial pressure on us and the baby hadn't been planned. Anyway we got our results back in December which gave us 'no known cause'. By this time we'd decided to get married whilst on a holiday with my parents the following June, so getting pregnant wasn't an option till then due to not wanting to go away if pregnant etc. I actually found out one week after I was married that I was expecting my eldest.

BTW-In subsequent pregnancies we didn't tell people until after a scan, and when expecting my youngest it's why I wouldn't take my eldest child with me.

emma_b_4

no i wont be telling ppl till after a scan next time, and i will be requesting a scan on time, not 4weeks late due to a backlog. we actually waited till 12weeks to tell ppl and midwife sed i would have scan by then, its a long story but me and OH and my parents were interviewed on Sky News (live) and my dad was on about being a grandad (to my nephew, not my baby as no1 excpet parents knew at that time, i was 10weeks, but she was obviously confused after what she did next!) and, cut to live interview, the newsreader says live on TV "so your pregnant then whens it due blah blah to me and OH !!!

meanwhile, tow sets of grandparents and friends are sat at home watching us on tV (no idead were pregnant) and i kind of mumbled and went bright red and OHs face was a picture, we did deny it at first to family but the pretty much knew after that, so we felt we couldnt lie for another 5 / 6 weeks when we got scan date...

all seems so long ago now.

jamminjamaica

just wanted to say i am sorry to here what happened to you. i cant believe your family having been saying those things about you. chin up and a big hug to you and your other half.

emma_b_4

i think its a lack of knowldege isnt it, i should have just said "i lost my baby" instead of trying to explain the blighted ovum / empty sac.....

never mind

thankyou x

black-saturn

I've looked on this thread for the last couple of days and not known what to say. So before I say anything I would like to just point out that I'm really good at wording things wrong and unknowingly putting my foot in it, so if I say something out of turn I didnt mean it.

Sorry to hear of all your experiences. It must be a really terrible thing to go through.

When I was expecting my DD2 a friend of mine had just had a misscarriage just before I was going to announce I was pregnant. I decided after that not to announce anything until after week 16 which is apparantly when the danger time is up. I didnt want everyone to get excited about the baby and I also didnt want myself to get excited about it either. So I decided to pretend it wasnt there until week 16.

emma_b_4

i didnt know was 16 weeks, evry said to me wait till 12 weeks, i now know your not "safe" its just the risk of MC is reduced, but obviously still happened as it did to me.

thankyou for adding to the thread, and how sensitive of you to have waited through kindness towards your friend. my neighbour sent me a card (she is due in 3week) saying "i hope our current circumstances dont cause you any more grief, we understand if you want to avoid us for a while as you grieve, and we know how you feel as we have been there, take care and remeber its good to talk"

and i thought it was lovely that they had considered our feelings so much.

pickle

Enjoy the partying and your holiday Emma!!! Don't worry about bringing up the topic, we all looked at it voluntarily and contributed. It certainly didn't bother me talking about it. In fact I think it's a good thing to be able to share the experiences. Maybe people might get better informed and services improve if more people spoke out instead of being shoved in the corner. It goes to show just from this how many people have experienced a miscarriage, so why aren't there more services which cater sensitively to women experiencing it. When I went for the scan I don't think I could have had a worse experience really. No sensitivity whatsoever. I did make a complaint but they just went on the defensive rather than actually listened to what I had to say. I hope that things do change eventually.

emma_b_4

im sorry to hear you had a bad experience pickle, mine wasnt great but at the timw i just kept focussing on going home and nothing really registered, its only now that things like that pop into my head. i actually work, through placement at uni, at the hosp where i went so maybe i will find out how to complain.

my mum in law (to be) wors on the ward, and a friend is one of the nurses, i did mention it to her and she said she had rang whoever concerned and complained, though.

a bit of sensitivity goes a long way at times like that and thats what they need to realise, just cos they see it every day.. we dont.

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