blighted ovum (miscarriage)

Jay-Jay_4

I'm sorry Jo

I would say it was a m/c and leave it at that. You were pregnant and that's all there is to it. Everyone knows the outcome of a normal pregnancy and therefore that is the thing that you have lost.

I don't want to hijack your thread but i thought I might draw upon the wisdom of all the ladies here. A friend has just had a still birth - she was one week overdue and had to be induced. I simply don't know what to say to her or what to do to help in anyway. I guess there is nothing I can do. Has anyone had a simlar experience and can recall what helped, even just for a milisecond, at that time?

Hester, I would talk to your friend about what she's been through. I agree with Crispy Ambulance, she may want to talk about it but may feel that no one else does.

My brother was stillborn and my parents never discussed it with anyone, not even each other. I wish my Mum had had a friend like you to talk to.

x

saver_sam

Hi just read this post all the way thru and it struck some cords with me too and feel sad for all those who have lost their babies, and I send hugs and kisses to you all.

I had a m/c in Oct 2005 and i started spotting on Tues nite, saw gp weds, went to hosp thurs, had scan and asked if i had the dates wrong too, as it was at 5 week size when i was 13 weeks gone. Was made to wait another 10 days for another scan before it was confirmed we had lost it (the scanner was a male and he was ever so nice and understanding). Then came back next day for d&c.

I had told family members that we were expecting, but could not face telling them the whole truth of the situation, so just told them after the d&c had been done. They were supportive but some made silly comments, such as you shouldn't have told people so early!

It took 8 weeks for my first period to arrive and it was heavy and seemed to last about 2 weeks. Only in April did the periods get back to normal, even though I had gone back on the pill as i could not bare the thought at the time of trying for another one.

I felt such a failure that I had lost our baby and its taken until reading this thread to realize that I am ready to try again as for once thinking about it or reading about it has not made me come out in floods of tears

Spendless

jo- really sorry to hear your news

pickle

Hester wrote:

Emma - I am very sorry for your loss. As soon as you know you are pregnant, you start dreaming about your baby and talking to it. I can't bear it when people say that an early miscarriage "wasn't a baby".

I don't want to hijack your thread but i thought I might draw upon the wisdom of all the ladies here. A friend has just had a still birth - she was one week overdue and had to be induced. I simply don't know what to say to her or what to do to help in anyway. I guess there is nothing I can do. Has anyone had a simlar experience and can recall what helped, even just for a milisecond, at that time?

Maybe just say to her that you feel so sad that you don't know what to say because you feel it would sound trivial (or whatever you want to say here) but if she ever wants to talk or visit then you'll be more than happy to be there for her. Just listening can be good.

emma_b_4

sam im gald this thread has helped you, im sorry to hear you too had a MC, but happy to hear youi are ready to maybe try again.
i had my first period on 2nd june, 4 weeks after MC and it was just a normal period not even heavy. i didnt have the d and c though and i wander if thisplays a part? i dunno though.
i feel ready to try again now, i have been through what has felt like a journey in the last month.. we are going back on holiday in july though so are being careful for now. suppose we will see what happens..

((hug))

moggins

Words don't really matter a lot at a time like this, I couldn't face words when it happened to me but a hug from people meant a lot and I'm not usually one for hugging.

I lost my baby at 14 weeks (it had died at 9) DH spotted the baby had died first when he couldn't see a heartbeat on the screen, after that I was told I could either take part in a medical experiment to see which way of removing the foetus was best or go home and lose it naturally. I chose to go home but after 5 days of agonising pain and the baby not coming away I collapsed through loss of blood and had to be taken into hospital.

At this point I was put onto a ward where I could hear babies crying, had a doctor use a speculum to open my cervix, on the same bed where I was to sleep all night, at no point did he explain what he was doing and I actually screamed with shock when I felt my baby come away. They'd even sent my husband home from the hospital saying that he wasn't allowed to stay any longer before they did this procedure.

All I can say is this barbaric treatment of life has to stop

Luckily 3 months later I was pregnant again and now have a beautiful 4 year old girl.

emma_b_4

moggins your experiences sound terrible..im glad mine were better in the hospital, although why they have the ward opposite the delivery suite ill never know. luckily when i was in the ward was bn decorated so we were on a different floor.
im glad to hear you went on to have a healthy baby.

hester, in my experience, any words are better than no words at all. the people who are true friends just sit and listen to you rambling on, and try to talk to you when you are silent. i have realised who my true friends are during this time

deaththecat

I just wanted to send hugs and love to all the women who have posted about their losses here and all the ones who haven't (like me!)

I've cried so much reading this thread, all the old feelings about my own experiences that I had thought I'd dealt with (I am a counsellor after all, so prolly should have!) have reared their ugly little heads.

Anyway, off to look at a sleeping Deaththekitten.

:grouphug:

alice's_mum

although why they have the ward opposite the delivery suite ill never know

unfortunately this is due to logistics, it's the same doctors and nurses who will cover both wards, and the hospital wants to save them time running all over the hospital. I know this coz during one of my many MC's I complained about being sat next to v pregnant women, who kept asking me when it was due. I just wanted to smack them - but it wasn't their fault. I did explain when I complained that a little compassion and a ward slightly further away might be a good idea, but - and I can see their point,- they've got to consider their staff and how much running around they have to do. So just bear in mind it's not personal to upset you, it's just logistics

jellyhead

jo_b i'm so sorry that you've miscarried *HUG*

i know somebody who recently miscarried and she had to go back for a second scan. there's always the hope that your dates are wrong and there's a heartbeat next time, but i wonder if this ever happens. she thought the second scan was more for reasons of checking the contents of the womb, they wait a week or two after the first scan and then the second scan will show if there are any 'retained products of conception' that need to be removed. many women will lose the womb contents naturally before they have the second scan. when i miscarried there was a woman there who'd been told there was no change, an empty sac same as last time, so she needed treatment. i certainly didn't feel lucky when i was told 'the good news is your womb is completely empty' but i suppose she meant that i didn't have to go through any treatments or repeat visits.

i wouldn't say it gets easier, although it probably does after months, mine was too recent, but i saw the woman across the street today whose baby is due on the same day mine was without feeling the pang of jealousy and didn't even flinch when she moaned about what a hard life it is being pregnant in the hot weather.