Dilemma about son and domestic abuse

tandraig

I am not sure this thread is helping the OP its so polarised! I stand by my original post - I wouldnt tell his girlfriends parents. mainly because i think the GF was manipulating the OP! most of you have come down hard on OPs son. but look at it from another point of view please. OPs son was basically normal and no trouble - now he has met this girl - and she has him acting out of character harming himself and threatening her. and she goes crying to his mum? not HER mum - HIS. i smell a b1tch here! and before you shoot at me - I knew a girl once who was extremely proud of the fact she drove a guy to suicide over her!
it sounds to me as if OPs son needs protecting from her! if he texts her why doesnt she reply? most of the teens i know spend their lives texting? sounds to me like she drives him to distraction.
I know I am not going to be popular with this post...but i am being honest....this is what i think is happening. this girl is playing mind games with OPs son!!!

mumslave

She never went crying to the OP, the son spoke to the OP saying he was concerned about the GF, and the OP phoned the GF. Why might she not have text him? because he texts her constantly. That just gets annoying, especially if its to find out what her every move is. Even if she was playing mind games, which I am sure she is, as much as he is too, it takes two to tango, there is nothing to justify the use of a knife to threaten someone.

jinky67

I think they both just sound terribly emotionally immature, and as others have said, are winding each other up

Have either of them been in a serious relationship before?

tandraig

Anyway to get to the point I got an email from my son (he is living at Uni) asking me to ring his girlfriend as he was worried she was doing something ‘stupid’ and needed to go to hospital. I rang her straight away and she said I’ve told him that I have taken an overdose but I haven’t!?!? She said I was just trying to let him know how he was making me feel. She said he doesn’t like her going out with her friends and threatens her that he will kill himself if she does and that while we were away on holiday he ‘forced’ her to come over at 2 in the morning by saying the cat was talking to him and he was scared and also talking all confused that he was looking for us even though he knew we were abroad. Then when she got there he got a knife and threated her!!!!!!! Oh my god I can’t believe I have even typed that. The police were called but she didn’t tell them what happened just that they had rowed apparently. She also told me that he had cut his wrists in the past. He has told her lies about me and his dad, completely made up attention seeking stuff. So shocking

this is what got me worried - its inconsistent - and OP is taking her word for this.
she claims he is the liar!
it worries me that everyone assumes this girl is telling the truth! if she is then yes she is in trouble. but why doesnt she go to HER parents or break off with him?
I think the OPs son is the one in trouble here

mumslave

moralissue wrote: »

Hi everyone, I cannot reply fully as I am at work so will reply individually tonight.

Tom firstly thank you for your input its good to hear that side of things too. Secondly just so you are aware my son has admitted everything his girlfriend told me, I knew about the calls as they were on my bill and I read him the riot act and made him pay the bill. So I do know its true. Thirdly I am definately not trying to split them up that has to come from them I am just thinking safety and moral issues here. I am not being defensive just wanted you to know the facts.

I may even print this thread out and show it to my son?

Still feeling sick and emotional, my stomach is churning and I am finding it hard to concentrate. This is very unlike me as I am usually the one who can cope with anything and looks on the positive side of things, people are used to me being strong but I feel I am cracking abit and feeling really down.

Thanks again everyone I will reply tonight.

Thats why the girlfriend is being believed, the son has confirmed it.

Tom1234

So the son has confirmed that he threatened her with a knife? In those words? Did he explain why? Something that is very much missing from this thread is any information from the OP as to the reasoning behind her sons actions. If this was present, it would make it a lot easier for people to advise. They've obviously spoken about this, but there's not really much to go on at the mo.

Bearing in mind how difficult a conversation this will have been you can't really leave any room for ambiguity between the OP and her son, so I'd be interested to know what he's said.

alenax

moralissue wrote: »

I have told my son that we will be telling her parents and he just begs us not to, telling us we will ruin his relationship etc

He's already ruined it himself. That is a completely unacceptable way to act. Sorry if that wasn't very helpful but it just made me angry reading it. You're right to get involved in it - if he doesn't learn that emotional blackmail and abuse isn't the way towards a happy relationship now, then he may never do so and be in for a lifetime of misery.

Errata

Tom1234 wrote: »

So the son has confirmed that he threatened her with a knife? In those words? Did he explain why?

Come on, he clearly wasn't offering to cut her hair with it, or remove a corn that was troubling her.
Why do men usually wave knives at someone ? To terrify them and put them in fear of their lives.

Tom1234

Sigh...

I'm not suggesting that he wasn't threatening her with it. I'm suggesting the OP finds out what his reasoning behind that was.

I also wanted to clarify whether or not the OP questioned him specifically about the knife incident, or said to her son 'your GF has said you've been threatening her, and harrassing her via phone - is this true?' which most people would have done.

I don't appreciate the sexist insinuation present in your last line either - however that's not what this topic is about.

Errata

harrassing her via phone - is this true?' which most people would have done.

The OP knows it's true, she got the phone bill !