I just do not know what to do

salesaddict

Hi Tina,

I would just like to second what Pollycat has said. I certainly would never cut any of my friends off in real life just because they chose to do things differently to what I would advise. Please keep posting on here and realise that there are people here for you no matter what you choose to do.

paddy's_mum

The actions of some posters in choosing to pull away Tina's safety net now amounts to unkindness in my view.

It's approaching Christmas, her way of life has collapsed, the husband has condemned her to more days or weeks of lies and dishonesty re the FIL, and the future looks black and bleak. We know that time will show her what she doesn't currently want to face but will demanding obedience from her achieve anything other than adding to her sense of despair?

Annoying and frustrating as her ostrich act may be, how is Tina to view the condemnation of some 'friends' on here - as kind, helpful and supportive or as yet another massive body blow, when she is so ill equipped to deal with anything other than just surviving?

I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome.

ETA I didn't swear. The site blanked out my word - substitute the word 'stab' to get the sense of what I orginally wrote.

larmy16

I don't think anyone has been particularly unkind. If anything we have all been sticking up for her. It's not easy to continue watching someone doing the exact opposite to what your own unhappy experience has told you will be best for your integrity. Your comments regarding someone committing suicide over Christmas and how we should all feel guilty were completely over the top and in my opinion uncalled for too.

I shall now exit this thread and wish Tina all the best even if I do think she is too good for her cheating man!

Mutter_2

"I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Good grief, I hope I've read that wrong!

For what It's worth, I don't blame Tina for feeling as she does in the slightest.

One of the reasons he is coping so well, is that his mindset could well be weeks or months ahead of hers. Who truly knows when this started for him? Not necessarily physically, but in his head. It sure was before Tina knew.

I do blame him for not allowing Tina to start the grieving process and therefore heal.
Any adult who wants out of a relationship, knows to sever contact, not to do so is plain cruel. That's without allowing her to lie to his parents.

I hope you keep posting Tina, because the day I read that you don't care anymore what he does, will be a joy. Ignore the hate stage when it comes, it's indifference you need to look forward to.

Don't forget to enquire about the Oxfam bookshop I mentioned. too late for this year as there is a waiting list for volunteers. Who knows though, next year could be very different, and a lot better.

worriedsik

paddy's_mum wrote: »

The actions of some posters in choosing to pull away Tina's safety net now amounts to unkindness in my view.

It's approaching Christmas, her way of life has collapsed, the husband has condemned her to more days or weeks of lies and dishonesty re the FIL, and the future looks black and bleak. We know that time will show her what she doesn't currently want to face but will demanding obedience from her achieve anything other than adding to her sense of despair?

Annoying and frustrating as her ostrich act may be, how is Tina to view the condemnation of some 'friends' on here - as kind, helpful and supportive or as yet another massive body blow, when she is so ill equipped to deal with anything other than just surviving?

I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome.

ETA I didn't swear. The site blanked out my word - substitute the word 'stab' to get the sense of what I orginally wrote.

:rolleyes:

Mutter_2

worriedsik wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Instead of a childish roll eyes why don't you worriedsik, come out and say what you mean?

Mutter_2

"I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome."

I wasn't imagining it then. Gees!

worriedsik

i was rolling my eyes at what paddys mum has stupidly said ! and the reason i just rolled my eyes was because i could not and did not want to have to explain my disgussd at paddys mum saying Quote... I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome.

i just couldnt find the words to express my disgust at what she said so decided to roll eyes
wasnt being childish & i dont want to be involved in an arguement about tina's situation
i have posted on how i feel and have stated that if and when tina is ready to move on i will be here to support her as i didnt feel that i could offer her anymore help but i certainly do not wish any harm to come to her i actually cared a lot about tina this past two months and for somebody to post sugesting that because off one off my posts or others who have offered advice that tina may commit sucide is ludicrous and hence the rolling off eyes
hope that explained it to you
iam should not have to come on here and defend myself because i rolled my eyes

Anyway like i said before

good luck tina and if you need any help in the near future be sure to post i hope you have a merry xmas and iam sure you are strong enough not to do anything stupid especially now that we all may have the finger pointed at us

i wont be posting on this thread again

Mutter_2

worriedsik wrote: »

i was rolling my eyes at what paddys mum has stupidly said ! and the reason i just rolled my eyes was because i could not and did not want to have to explain my disgussd at paddys mum saying Quote... I do hope that if anyone who joined in the recent hard words and condemnation gets to hear of a lonely suicide over the Christmas holiday, they feel a !!!!! of conscience that maybe their cold words helped to produce such an unhappy outcome.

i just couldnt find the words to express my disgust at what she said so decided to roll eyes
wasnt being childish & i dont want to be involved in an arguement about tina's situation
i have posted on how i feel and have stated that if and when tina is ready to move on i will be here to support her as i didnt feel that i could offer her anymore help but i certainly do not wish any harm to come to her i actually cared a lot about tina this past two months and for somebody to post sugesting that because off one off my posts or others who have offered advice that tina may commit sucide is ludicrous and hence the rolling off eyes
hope that explained it to you
iam should not have to come on here and defend myself because i rolled my eyes

Anyway like i said before

good luck tina and if you need any help in the near future be sure to post i hope you have a merry xmas and iam sure you are strong enough not to do anything stupid especially now that we all may have the finger pointed at us

i wont be posting on this thread again

Yep, understood. You keep rolling those eyes. So funny, posts about rolling eyes. here's one. :rotfl:

Pollycat

OK, Tina - here's how it is, in my view.

Most (probably all, actually) of us us think the way you're letting your OH treat you is wrong.

Most of us speak from experience - I certainly do and allowed my ex-OH to treat me in the same way as you're allowing your H to do - until I came to my senses.

Until you either realise that this scumbag is worth less than something unpleasant that you've accidently stepped in on the pavement or he suddenly comes to his senses (aka 'decided that he's had his fun with his bit-on-the-side) and comes back to you, you'll do what YOU think is best for YOU.

There's nothing wrong with that, nobody should force you to do something that you don't want to do.

If people who have given advice in the past now decide that you are a 'lost cause' because you're not taking that advice they've given that's up to them.
Nobody is forcing THEM to post.

I personally think it would have been kinder of them just to stop posting and unsubscribe from the thread instead of making an issue about it - but again, that's up to the individual.

I personally will keep reading the posts on here and wherever possible give advice and, and more importantly, the support that I believe (from what you've written earlier) you're not getting anywhere else.