I just do not know what to do

Money_maker

tinatony1 wrote: »

i know alot of you will not agree with me, but what we had together was very good, the best and until every avenue has been explored i will not give up, you see in that respect i am very strong.

Sorry Tina, but no. It my have been very good and the best for you but he did not feel the same way.

Sounds so harsh and I do sympathise but you have ignored every sensible suggestion on this thread which will go towards helping you rebuild your life.

My last post on here - hope you can get through this eventually x

larmy16

Dear god is this still all going on. All I can say is no wonder this man behaves like a total pratt with Tina and this other poor creature pandering to his whims. One can only imagine how much he is enjoying all the "desperate" sex he's getting from them.

worriedsik

BallandChain wrote: »

I think people should just leave her to it as she isn't ready to take on board the good advice. Very good advice which is falling on deaf ears.

I agree i think tina is in totall denial and thats why i asked in a few posts back if she still wanted advice on her origanall post which was titled ''i just dont know what to do'' and she said she still wanted advice but its obvious that she isnt taking any off the advice on board and isnt really wanting to.
One off your most recent posts tina you were again saying you dont know what to do and i thought '' here we go again'' so i posted again but iam just going to leave it too now as its just going round in circles.
i think you only want to here what you want to here tina & iam not willing to talk rubish to you and give you hope because i cant really see any hope for you to get him back (personally i wouldnt and couldnt have him back)

When and if you are ever ready to face the obvious maybee you could start a new thread saying you are ready for help to move on from the excuse off a man and then i will post to help you all i can but at the moment tina you will take anything he does to you on the chin and loose all your dignity and self asteem whilst doing so ( up to you )

You have used every excuse under the sun to stay in touch with him even the fact that his father was ill ! you must feel that you can win him over if you are there for his father
stop being a marter tina look after yourself & stop lying for somebody who doesnt give a damm about you

best off luck x

worriedsik

Money_maker wrote: »

Sorry Tina, but no. It my have been very good and the best for you but he did not feel the same way.

Sounds so harsh and I do sympathise but you have ignored every sensible suggestion on this thread which will go towards helping you rebuild your life.

My last post on here - hope you can get through this eventually x

agree with this too

neneromanova

I too also agree with the top posters here. You are just not listening to any of us. Even when we have given you very very VERY good advice on how to get him back.

Best of luck to you. I hope you realise what a waste of breathe he is and move on to greener pastures.

CaroLondon

I don’t agree with the above post, although I know where they are coming from.

For your own reasons, you have decided to fight for your relationship, and credit to you for that, you are obviously a very brave and strong person to believe in him so much

The thing is Tina, he looked elsewhere because something was lacking at home, now I am NOT saying it is something that you did, he probably just needed his ego stroked and she was there, this is not her fault, it is his.

At the moment he is having his cake and eating it, he is living with her yet giving you all his crap by offloading all his family crisis on you, telling you he is miserable, all the while going back to her, sleeping in her bed, being a “Dad” to her kids?????!! So she is getting the fun H and you are still getting the neurotic, worried, confused, troubled one? It is not fair. If I am honest it is not fair on the other women either, while I realise you don’t care about her, he is probably giving her all the same bull**** = him being a liar he will not be telling the truth to BOTH of you.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he will worm his back to you, “oh I’ve been such a fool, but you weren’t a) giving me enough attention b) affectionate enough c) making the effort d) your !!!! has got a bit fat * delete as applicable.

He will blame you while saying he was weak he is sorry blabla blah, and you will blame yourself, but I would put money him doing again and again, unless you get a bit of back bone and stand up for yourself.

You have been given some great advice, which as 99% of it is going against what you want, so you have chosen to do things your own way, that is not a bad thing, you know him, but...................

And that is a big BUT, if you don’t change the person you were when he left, then he has no reason to come back and change his behaviour. If you are going to win him back it has to be on your terms, not his or you are going to end up in that vicious circle.

While I am not offering up my advice as better than anyone else’s I still think that you need to start living your life for you, and not put it on hold waiting for him!!

You are obviously an eloquent, intelligent woman, please look back at my earlier advice, because whatever way this ends up going, you NEED to do something other than live your life in limbo while waiting for him to come home.

If he is going to come back do not let him come back to a pathetic desperate woman with no self respect, let him come back to a women who knows what she wants, how she is going to get and won’t take any ********!

This post is a bit all over the place I find it hard to get my thoughts in order when I am passionate about something, but I do hope you get where I am coming from.

All the best
Caro x

pinkgirl2009

tinatony1 wrote: »

thank you jackie_w.

i realise that this will be one of the hardest times of my life and that if we can get things back on track it will be an awful lot of work. but at this present time it is what i want and i am willing to work as hard as i need. i know he will need to want the same thing and i do think that somewhere inside him he wants this too

i know alot of you will not agree with me, but what we had together was very good, the best and until every avenue has been explored i will not give up, you see in that respect i am very strong.

he is now realising how hard it is to have to do things for himself that i used to do and he is struggling but he needs to as he now understands how difficult it was for me

AND HE SAID SORRY I WONT EVER DO THAT AGAIN.. SORRY WELL NO WAY R YOU COMING BACK TO ME BEEN THERE DONE IT
but what we had together was very GOOD :eek: WHY DID HE CHEAT THEN ?
IF THAT WAS ME NO WAY HOW MANY YEARS IT WAS GOOD OR NOT HE WOULD BE RIGHT UP THE ROAD BYEEEE CHEATING SCUM BA----D AND DONT COME BACK EVER

pinkgirl2009

BallandChain wrote: »

I think people should just leave her to it as she isn't ready to take on board the good advice. Very good advice which is falling on deaf ears.

YES I THINK YOUR VERY RIGHT ON THIS :money:

tinatony1

ok.
thank you for all of your good advice which hasnt all fallen on deaf ears i promise you, i am a different person to the one i was 2 months ago, i am stronger and you are right i will do what is best for me.
many thanks to you all
regards
tina

Pollycat

Whilst I do agree with the posters that have been saying that Tina is not taking the advice she's been given (and hasn't since this thread was started 2 months ago), let's remember that it's Tina's life and she has to live it as she thinks best.



There's a couple of sayings:

• You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink
• There's none so blind as he who will not see

I think a lot of us who've posted have been in a similar position to Tina and from that experience we've known what is likely to happen.
But that doesn't give us the right to insist or demand that she takes our advice.

This is one of my quotes from the 14th October, when Tina's OH had told her it was over:

Tina
I'm really sorry that things haven't worked out.

For what it's worth, I think it's probably a good thing that it's all happened so quickly with him saying it's over.
It would be much worse if he'd prevaricated and led you on to think that you could salvage the relationship, maybe going between you and his 'bit on the side' as so many men seem to do, only to finish it in the end - leaving you even more devasted than you feel right now.

At least now, you know where you stand and the only way is upwards and onwards.

And unfortunately we now know that he IS going between Tina and his bit-on-the-side - maybe not for sex but certainly for his own convenience.

If this scumbag had had the guts to make his mind up (and I'm sorry, Tina, your father-in-law's health problems just don't wash with me as an excuse) and stick to it, Tina would be 6 weeks into her new life alone - and whilst she may not be happy, at least she would know where she stood and could have started rebuilding her life.

From what Tina has said she has virtually no support network of friends or family.
Most of her friends are HIS friends and they don't know (although maybe they have guessed).
Her boss at work is unsympathetic and her way of getting Tina to deal with the situation at home is to pile more work on her.
Her Dad is preoccupied with her Mum who (I think) has Alzheimers.
Her only sibling is a brother who lives abroad and they are not close.

Even if Tina is not taking advice that we know from experience is sensible, let's not cut her off from what is possibly her only source of support.