I just do not know what to do

Bogof_Babe

Sounds like your f-i-l has picked up vibes that there are problems. Presumably your OH has been seeing them, and I expect he has found it hard to pretend everything is normal.

nm123_2

tinatony1 wrote: »

Hi All

sorry i havent posted for a while, have been so stacked at work its not true.

to be honest with you all i dont really know what to say, i have had some ok days and then a couple of really really bad ones.

At the moment i am just waiting for thursday/friday to come to see what happens to father in law, he is not doing too good as the upset of having the op cancelled really hit him hard, i saw him on friday and as i was leaving he gave me a hug, this is very unlike him, not a touchy feely person at all. i am trying to put my feelings on hold at the moment so that i can try and buck him up abit before the op.
i know you will say that this is not the best thing for me but i cant let him down, he has been like a second dad to me.

Do what you feel is best, you're still allowed to love your FIL hun - he's not the one who's doing all this. So I think it's fine for you to still be in contact with him and to support him too. In fact I think it will help you to focus on someone/thing else too.

Big hugs still

tinatony1

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Sounds like your f-i-l has picked up vibes that there are problems. Presumably your OH has been seeing them, and I expect he has found it hard to pretend everything is normal.

no he hasnt picked up on anything he is just very worried about the op, especially now as he is likely to be in hospital over christmas.

it appears we are both extremally good at pretending

Bogof_Babe

So when f-i-l says "How's Tina?" he just says "Oh she's fine"?

The man's brass neck knows no bounds it seems :mad:.

I have changed my mind from my earlier posts, and now think he doesn't deserve you and needs to be told to sling his hook.

tinatony1

no its not like that, we go to see them together, hence the good at pretending.

worriedsik

soooo...thats the story about your f.i.l tina...and what about you ? whats happening ? do you still want support on this thread or are you ok now ?

just dont want to be posting asking if you are ok hun and then this thread gets bumped up when maybee you dont want to talk about it now ? which is all cool so where are you at ?

Karen_30

tinatony1 wrote: »

Hi All

sorry i havent posted for a while, have been so stacked at work its not true.

to be honest with you all i dont really know what to say, i have had some ok days and then a couple of really really bad ones.

At the moment i am just waiting for thursday/friday to come to see what happens to father in law, he is not doing too good as the upset of having the op cancelled really hit him hard, i saw him on friday and as i was leaving he gave me a hug, this is very unlike him, not a touchy feely person at all. i am trying to put my feelings on hold at the moment so that i can try and buck him up abit before the op.
i know you will say that this is not the best thing for me but i cant let him down, he has been like a second dad to me.

Hey,

Sounds as if you have been trying to get on with things - good for you! You're amazing showing strength when needed with ex's Dad - you can't stop your feelings for them either and you have to do what you feel is right at the moment.

I hope you are looking after youself xx

Minimum_Wage_2

Hello Tinatony,
i do hope that you OP is seeing that you are worth your weight in gold! there isn't many people that would put the in-laws before themselves. i will add that he was a very stupid man to have done this to someone like you.

Pollycat

Hi Tina
Ive been away for 3 weeks so haven't been posting (I sent you a pm before I went) but I've just caught up with things and I'm sorry that things didn't work out as you wanted them to.

For what it's worth I wouldn't be at all surprised to read that your ex (I think you need to start seeing him as that at this stage) has changed his mind and wants to come back.

Just carry on being as strong as you can. There'll still be bad days and maybe some bloody awful days, but from what I've just read, you do sound like you've made some steps forward out of this. Keep it up - and take care of yourself.

tinatony1

hi all

yes you are right i have made some steps forward, some back on occasion as well

i do still find the advice you are all giving so valuable and there maybe some days when i dont post because it is one of those good days but i do still value all your help.

at this point i am sort of in limbo, i know i am strong enough to do this on my own (at least i think i am) but until i know that f-i-l is ok and through his op ok i am prepared to to what i am doing.

in some ways i think you are right in that H is beginning to realise what he has done/is doing and i believe there is scope for this to be repaired, we have agreed to talk when f-i-l is on the mend and have left it at that for now.

i have done with the pleading for him to return, it is what i want at the end of the day but that decision is not mine to make.