I just do not know what to do

maggied_2

Hi Tina

Just seeing how you're doing - well done for standing up to H - he must have been gob smacked!! You're sounding much more positive and I'm liking the sound of your hair do!

C xxx

tinatony1

hi there

i havet been able to post for a while, work stuff.
things are ok.
i had a really bad evening and night on tuesday, i just could not stop crying, every little thing set me off again,, i looked like some sort of ET reject.

yesterday was a little better, the wages thing has been sorted and my rent has now been paid.
today is ok as well, had a little chat with H. all civilised and calm, i actually said to him that "we arent ever going to get back on track are we"? and he said he didnt know? so i told him that he cant expect me to just wait around, he said he didnt and he could see that i was changing, even said how good i looked.

so the conclusion is that i am still as confused as ever but having slightly more good days than bad, maybe?

Bogof_Babe

Why not ask him for a divorce. That will focus his mind in an instant. (You don't have to go through with it, just asking should clarify which way the wind is blowing in his mind).

nm123_2

tinatony1 wrote: »

hi there

i havet been able to post for a while, work stuff.
things are ok.
i had a really bad evening and night on tuesday, i just could not stop crying, every little thing set me off again,, i looked like some sort of ET reject.

At least you have your sense of humour still!

tinatony1 wrote: »

yesterday was a little better, the wages thing has been sorted and my rent has now been paid.
today is ok as well, had a little chat with H. all civilised and calm, i actually said to him that "we arent ever going to get back on track are we"? and he said he didnt know? so i told him that he cant expect me to just wait around, he said he didnt and he could see that i was changing, even said how good i looked.

so the conclusion is that i am still as confused as ever but having slightly more good days than bad, maybe?

My friend at work split up with her OH of 11 years in March. They are still to-ing and fro-ing. It honestly just sounds like he doesn't have the strength to let her go, but at the same time, can't be arsed with the effort a relationship takes either. Sounds like he's fallen out of love to me but isn't man enough to tell her.

She's given him every opportunity to say no, and he doesn't. But he also won't fight for her or tell her wants to try again and that he really wants to make it work... In my view, she's now being the mug. It seems to range from "that's it, it's over" to "ok, let's talk on saturday" to "if it's a no, just tell me". Surely it should be unless it's yes, it's over... She's trying to force it out of him, but at the same time letting him get away with sitting on the fence. She is letting him control the situation. :rolleyes:

Tina - please, please don't waste the next 6 months of your life doing what my friend at work is doing. He has made his choice - he told you on that Saturday a few weeks back that he wanted to be with the other woman. If it doesn't work out between them, don't be his fall-back. For how much longer does he want to ruin your life? I was sympathetic earlier in this thread while he made his mind up and did think that perhaps he'd lost his way.. Well it does appear that he lost his way, and you gave him an opportunity to come back and he didn't take it. Please, for your own sake now, don't give him any more opportunities to string you along or keep you in suspense.

You are in control of this now. You've cut your hair, you're having more good days than bad, you coped with the rent situation, you're feeling better. Don't give him the control back - he lost his right to take control of you when he chose her.

Could you still really take him back?

xxx

This is going to sound horrid, but the sooner you accept its over, the bette.

nm123_2

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Why not ask him for a divorce. That will focus his mind in an instant. (You don't have to go through with it, just asking should clarify which way the wind is blowing in his mind).

I think this is actually the best suggestion on here.

Hard, and painful, but if he's chosen someone else, surely it's the logical thing?

Kay_Peel

TinaT, you have an opportunity to test whether or not H is confused about whether he wants his new girl-friend or you.

He will spend Christmas Day with the person he is committed to. He may, secretly text or phone the other party, but that will only be to keep his options open and will be meaningless to the woman who spends her Christmas Day alone.

I suspect that all will become very clear very soon, TinaT.

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

hi there

i havet been able to post for a while, work stuff.
things are ok.
i had a really bad evening and night on tuesday, i just could not stop crying, every little thing set me off again,, i looked like some sort of ET reject.

yesterday was a little better, the wages thing has been sorted and my rent has now been paid.
today is ok as well, had a little chat with H. all civilised and calm, i actually said to him that "we arent ever going to get back on track are we"? and he said he didnt know? so i told him that he cant expect me to just wait around, he said he didnt and he could see that i was changing, even said how good i looked.

so the conclusion is that i am still as confused as ever but having slightly more good days than bad, maybe?

Glad you got all your wages thing sorted tina.......he said he didnt know !!!! deary me tina i hope you have made his mind up for him now..i really suspect tina that he is keeping his options open please dont let him ...sorry but he is either 1. keeping his options open or 2. he is trying to let you down gently i dont know which it is because i dont know him but you have to keep on moving on x

worriedsik

Kay_Peel wrote: »

TinaT, you have an opportunity to test whether or not H is confused about whether he wants his new girl-friend or you.

He will spend Christmas Day with the person he is committed to. He may, secretly text or phone the other party, but that will only be to keep his options open and will be meaningless to the woman who spends her Christmas Day alone.

I suspect that all will become very clear very soon, TinaT.

i wouldnt bother with opportunitys now , or test him as its waisting to much off your time tina , see it for what it is and plan your xmas day without him in it x

worriedsik

nm123 wrote: »

At least you have your sense of humour still!



My friend at work split up with her OH of 11 years in March. They are still to-ing and fro-ing. It honestly just sounds like he doesn't have the strength to let her go, but at the same time, can't be arsed with the effort a relationship takes either. Sounds like he's fallen out of love to me but isn't man enough to tell her.

She's given him every opportunity to say no, and he doesn't. But he also won't fight for her or tell her wants to try again and that he really wants to make it work... In my view, she's now being the mug. It seems to range from "that's it, it's over" to "ok, let's talk on saturday" to "if it's a no, just tell me". Surely it should be unless it's yes, it's over... She's trying to force it out of him, but at the same time letting him get away with sitting on the fence. She is letting him control the situation. :rolleyes:

Tina - please, please don't waste the next 6 months of your life doing what my friend at work is doing. He has made his choice - he told you on that Saturday a few weeks back that he wanted to be with the other woman. If it doesn't work out between them, don't be his fall-back. For how much longer does he want to ruin your life? I was sympathetic earlier in this thread while he made his mind up and did think that perhaps he'd lost his way.. Well it does appear that he lost his way, and you gave him an opportunity to come back and he didn't take it. Please, for your own sake now, don't give him any more opportunities to string you along or keep you in suspense.

You are in control of this now. You've cut your hair, you're having more good days than bad, you coped with the rent situation, you're feeling better. Don't give him the control back - he lost his right to take control of you when he chose her.

Could you still really take him back?

xxx

This is going to sound horrid, but the sooner you accept its over, the bette.

couldnt agree more with this post

Mely

Tina, how are things going? x