I just do not know what to do

Wol2

honesty101 wrote: »

Take away the comfort blanket, let her be that for him and believe me she will fail miserably. It is only then he will see what he actually gave up. 11 years of love and support cannot be replaced by anything she can do for him. It takes time. Give him the time and space for him to realise what you mean to him. With you being his shoulder his soft place to land he is never going to wake up and realise what you mean to him. So yes Tina you are hindering the one thing that can give you what you want.

My heart goes out to you Tina. Such a difficult decision to make....

Perhaps you fear if you withdraw now you will lose him...(and if that happens you will no doubt beat yourself up saying it's all your fault for not just hanging in there..;).....Well trust me, it wont be your fault- you have already done so much to try and save the relationship and at great expense to yourself..no-one doubts how much you love this man).

What the OP says is the truth - you (and he) will never find out whether he REALLY loves you and whether your relationship has a future unless you create the space for him to think things through properly and to realise what life would be like without you.

So if you;re not prepared to "do it for you" then "do it for him". At this moment, it seems to me that you oersonally have nothing more to lose except your hope - but you both have everything to gain in terms of your future happiness.

Good luck Hun- have been where you are now .. am thinking of you
xxx

tinatony1

thank you Puddings and wol2, it has been a hard decision but i sort of made it last night when i was crying my heart out to a sad cd, it needs to be done or i fear for my health and sanity.

i also aim to get a notebook and just write whatever comes into my head and i am going to the library today to get some books to help me take my mind off things, if thats possible

i do fear that i will lose him, my other decision about him going for 2 weeks to think back fired on me in a huge way but what else can i do.

Puddings

If you feel like you want to contact him - which if you're like me thats all the time - you must have something on hand and ready to do! Like posting on here or just reading other threads which is what I do to help the urge pass. Or if at home I have a book next to me, a big fat book of puzzles, the tv remote and a stack of dvd's, I might also run a bath cos I can't take my phone in there for fear of submerging it, or I'll phone a friend, you can always pm me too!

salesaddict

tinatony1 wrote: »

thank you Puddings and wol2, it has been a hard decision but i sort of made it last night when i was crying my heart out to a sad cd, it needs to be done or i fear for my health and sanity.

i also aim to get a notebook and just write whatever comes into my head and i am going to the library today to get some books to help me take my mind off things, if thats possible

i do fear that i will lose him, my other decision about him going for 2 weeks to think back fired on me in a huge way but what else can i do.

For what it's worth I really think you are doing the right things here.
I wish you all the strength you need, you too Puddings.

Mely

Tina...you are doing the right thing. I am so proud of the strength that you and puds have shown.
Mel x

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

thank you Puddings and wol2, it has been a hard decision but i sort of made it last night when i was crying my heart out to a sad cd, it needs to be done or i fear for my health and sanity.

i also aim to get a notebook and just write whatever comes into my head and i am going to the library today to get some books to help me take my mind off things, if thats possible

i do fear that i will lose him, my other decision about him going for 2 weeks to think back fired on me in a huge way but what else can i do.

Tina...you are doing the right thing because your health would suffer otherwise
You may lose him (completly) BUT....dont you feel like that already ? its best to just bring it on tina and see what he is made off
isnt there some saying ? if you love something/somebody let it go and it/they may come back to you ? ohhh something like that lol
You really need to stand your ground now be strong think off yourself in all off this
you go girl & dont back down now you have to move on one way or other

x

Lunar_Eclipse

honesty101 wrote: »

With you being his shoulder his soft place to land he is never going to wake up and realise what you mean to him. So yes Tina you are hindering the one thing that can give you what you want.

I never really saw it like that, but I think you're right.

Tina - I actually think your FIL's operation delay is a sign for you to get this news out into the open. It is the world helping you out, not working against you.

Puddings

Hope you're doing ok today, Tina x

tinatony1

hi puddings

to be honest with you i am not doing so good today, i make all these resolves and then when i wake up in the morning all alone it just hits me again and i lose it. it scares me so much that the man i have lived with and loved for 11 years is now such a stranger to me. it makes you doubt everything.

i just want to scream and then run away and hide

neneromanova

tinatony1 wrote: »

i do fear that i will lose him, my other decision about him going for 2 weeks to think back fired on me in a huge way but what else can i do.

I know I shouldn't be saying this as you look like you're getting back on your feet, but I've only read one side of this story, your side, but from what you've been saying he's finding out the grass isn't greener on the other side like he thought it would be. He might try to come crawling back with his tail between his legs. What you have decided to do is the best idea. It will make him miss you more and make him realise that he can't have it both ways. Good Luck with it.

Why not sign up to this site and see if anyone goes close to your work. You get away from him and help the environment http://www.nationalcarshare.co.uk/ :money: You never know, you might make some new friends like that.