I just do not know what to do

worriedsik

salesaddict wrote: »

Tina,

have you thought about going to see the other woman yourself as Smartpicture did ?

good idea tina may get a diff picture from the one H is telling her if you can do this tina its a good way to face it head on, it would take some guts though

Mely

Yes it would take guts to go and see the other woman, but that would be the only way for Tina to get the full picture of what is going on. Who knows what hes saying to the other woman, and im sure she would be interested to know that he`s still giving Tina lifts and secretly texting her! But that doesnt need to be mentioned.

tinatony1

to be honest with you all i think you are all right in some way or another, i know i have to make a choice and it has to be soon, you are right when you say it is making me ill, i am still losing weight even though i am eating a little better, actually finished 90% of a meal last night (that could be one of my good things)

however i think for my piece of mind as well as his i need to wait until his dad has had his op on friday, depending on how it turns out i will need to make up my mind what i need to do, i do think i need some distance however much it kills me

Puddings

tinatony1 wrote: »

to be honest with you all i think you are all right in some way or another, i know i have to make a choice and it has to be soon, you are right when you say it is making me ill, i am still losing weight even though i am eating a little better, actually finished 90% of a meal last night (that could be one of my good things)

however i think for my piece of mind as well as his i need to wait until his dad has had his op on friday, depending on how it turns out i will need to make up my mind what i need to do, i do think i need some distance however much it kills me

Yup, you have to do what you have to do - no matter how many times my friends told me to end it, and deep down I knew I should, I couldn't until I was ready and that day came a week and a half ago. Hurts like hell but its my decision and only you know whats best for you.

Puds x

Michelin

tinatony1 wrote: »

to be honest with you all i think you are all right in some way or another, i know i have to make a choice and it has to be soon, you are right when you say it is making me ill, i am still losing weight even though i am eating a little better, actually finished 90% of a meal last night (that could be one of my good things)

however i think for my piece of mind as well as his i need to wait until his dad has had his op on friday, depending on how it turns out i will need to make up my mind what i need to do, i do think i need some distance however much it kills me

....and that distance could just be not seeing each other for a bit Tina so that he is forced to see what it will be like without you. You can text if it makes you feel better but not seeing each other can help?

Puddings

Michelin wrote: »

....and that distance could just be not seeing each other for a bit Tina so that he is forced to see what it will be like without you. You can text if it makes you feel better but not seeing each other can help?

This is a very good idea and something I wish that I had done earlier...hindsight eh?

I'm off now but thinking of you tina, feel free to pm me. I'm going to have a hot bath and a hot choc and read a thriller this evening, keep the mind and hands occupied x

tinatony1

thanks puds, sounds like a good idea to me .

xxx take care

tina

honesty101

Hello Tina, have been following your post and have refrained from replying as mine is also one of the few replies which isn't a softly softly approach. 'SmartPicture' your post is very well worded and spot on. I have known close friends who have gone through the exact thing you are going through and the advice I am going to give is the same as I gave to them at the time because they were my friends and I cared about their mental sanity. We don't know you Tina or your OH, you seem like a genuinely loving caring wife and one who doesn't want to give up on her marriage, that is admirable. 11 Years is a long time to be with someone just to give up without a fight I understand that.

I remember reading something about your OH telling you he hadn't slept with the other woman yet, a few things come to mind.

1. Why would he jeopardise your relationship/marriage, consider moving in or indeed take the huge step to move in with another woman who he hasn't been remotely physical with. As hard as this is going to be to read Tina and I have no intention of upsetting you just stating what seems obvious. He had probably done all the physical intimate things with her as he was with you, he never just had an affair that would lead him back to being with you at the end of the night, he became emotionally attached through some form that the pull of being with this new woman was greater that him staying with his wife of 11 years. And I find it hard to believe he was a saint with her up until the moment he left your bed for hers.

You are probably finding it easier not to think about them being together but Tina, he is in her bed, they do kiss and touch and the same lips he kissed you with he is kissing her with, the same hands he touched you with, he is caressing her with. Then he is acting normal with you, and you are understandably letting him do so. It has happened to me before and all I can say is no matter how strong the pull of love is, knowing that your OH has been emotionally involved to such an extent with somone else is the nail in the coffin. You can never forget and it ends up driving you insane.

Be strong take charge, the next time he texts you, don't reply. I know you want him to have you at the end of a string, it is satisfying for you to know you are his comfort blanket regarding his family/family/life. Take away the comfort blanket, let her be that for him and believe me she will fail miserably. It is only then he will see what he actually gave up. 11 years of love and support cannot be replaced by anything she can do for him. It takes time. Give him the time and space for him to realise what you mean to him. With you being his shoulder his soft place to land he is never going to wake up and realise what you mean to him. So yes Tina you are hindering the one thing that can give you what you want.

People post because they have a valid concern Tina, I do not wish to upset you but agree with some posters that sometimes tough love is better than a softly softly approach, you are in a real life predicament and only you can ultimately decide whether you are happy being walked all over, sadly that is what is happening to a lovely lady.

tinatony1

well it seems like the world is conspiring against me, we have just been told that my H's dad has had his op cancelled again as there are no beds available, it could now be next week or the week after. god this is so s***

i cant keep going on like this so i will try to muster up the courage to say to H that i dont want him to take me to work next week so i can try to get my head round this, i will still be there for him if something happens with his dad but i cant see him otherwise, it is going to be tough money wise and in every other way but i will have to try and manage.

Puddings

tinatony1 wrote: »

well it seems like the world is conspiring against me, we have just been told that my H's dad has had his op cancelled again as there are no beds available, it could now be next week or the week after. god this is so s***

i cant keep going on like this so i will try to muster up the courage to say to H that i dont want him to take me to work next week so i can try to get my head round this, i will still be there for him if something happens with his dad but i cant see him otherwise, it is going to be tough money wise and in every other way but i will have to try and manage.

Hi Tina, sorry to hear of the op problems, we're going through this with my aunt and its frustrating. I think what you have decided is a good idea, just take some time to yourself and have a good old think/cry/pamper whatever it takes.

It's bl00dy hard though I'm doing this now and it will be 2 weeks on saturday with no contact. Sadly last night I didn't do what I said and ended up in bed at half 7 watching chick flicks. I'm feeling kind of numb at the moment.

One day at a time... x