I just do not know what to do

salesaddict

tinatony1 wrote: »

havent been able to get to doctors yet, we have exams on at work so i cant get away, i did have another appointment with the CAB this morning which went ok(about the debt thing)

the good news is that i am trying to be so strong and am sort of succeeding, after the really bad weekend i am doing ok, i am still seeing H but 99% of the time it is calm and ok, he seems to be having doubts about her and from what he has said to me she is rather paranoid about stuff.

but i am hopefully going to get a new haircut on saturday, i am going for a new look, new me? who knows?

i am sure i will still have bad days, i know i will but i will deal with it in my way

I am sure she is paranoid and I suppose that is some sort of karma.
I am glad that you are getting your hair done and taking care of yourself.
Do you see your h because he still gives you a lift to and from work?
Would it be really awkward and costly to take the bus instead?
(Don't answer those last two questions if I am being too prying)

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

havent been able to get to doctors yet, we have exams on at work so i cant get away, i did have another appointment with the CAB this morning which went ok(about the debt thing)

the good news is that i am trying to be so strong and am sort of succeeding, after the really bad weekend i am doing ok, i am still seeing H but 99% of the time it is calm and ok, he seems to be having doubts about her and from what he has said to me she is rather paranoid about stuff.

but i am hopefully going to get a new haircut on saturday, i am going for a new look, new me? who knows?

i am sure i will still have bad days, i know i will but i will deal with it in my way

Tina

You will never move on if you are going to listen to his doubts about the woman he choose over you !!
sorry i know you wont like my post but sometimes tough love is neaded, i know everybody on this thread is doing the softly aproach with you & i noticed also that you only thank the posters who post what you want to hear ( i dont want any thanks tina ) i would much rather that you got tough & i cannot believe what iam reading tina he is telling you what you want to hear , why on this gods earth do you want to listen to his problems that he is having with the woman he left you for ?
Sorry people slate me if you want but i really do know what iam talking about & i do care about you tina & thats why iam bothering to post.

Can you make something clear tina ? has he moved in with her ?
i think you are stalling the inevitable but like you say you will deal with it in your way i just hate to see somebody like yourself being taking the c**p out off.
You initially posted on here saying you just dont know what to do and you are not much further forward tina,
Go get your hair done and get him out off your hair at same time

nm123_2

3 things please Tina!!! Come on, I reckon you can do it...

tinatony1

hi Worriedsik

have i really only thanked those who tell me what i want to hear, i didnt realise that at all. I know what you are saying is right but i do still want him back and no matter what impression you have all got of him he is not a horrible person, i am still in love with him and this will not just disappear, he is with her but it doesnt mean he hasnt made a big mistake.

i also know that he has been completely horrible to me but nothing is ever cut and dried and yes i am finding it difficult to let go but that is because i dont want to, i know that i am making it worse for myself but i really dont know what else to do.

i cannot bear having to let people know, in some ways i have moved forward but in others i have not at all

i cant hate him, i just cant

Sexy_Legs

tinatony1 wrote: »

hi Worriedsik

have i really only thanked those who tell me what i want to hear, i didnt realise that at all. I know what you are saying is right but i do still want him back and no matter what impression you have all got of him he is not a horrible person, i am still in love with him and this will not just disappear, he is with her but it doesnt mean he hasnt made a big mistake.

i also know that he has been completely horrible to me but nothing is ever cut and dried and yes i am finding it difficult to let go but that is because i dont want to, i know that i am making it worse for myself but i really dont know what else to do.

i cannot bear having to let people know, in some ways i have moved forward but in others i have not at all

i cant hate him, i just cant

Oh Tina,

I know this is really difficult for you, but he has you dangling on a string and is truly still playing with your emotions, he is having his fun but has still got you there in the background should it go pear shaped for him with the other woman.

You deserve so much more and to be loved properly by someone who also deserves your love.

Could you relocate to another town so you can cut all ties with him, and have a fresh start. I don't think remaining in contact is going to help you at all, but its your choice, we can only try and help you.

Michelin

Sexy_Legs wrote: »

Oh Tina,

I know this is really difficult for you, but he has you dangling on a string and is truly still playing with your emotions, he is having his fun but has still got you there in the background should it go pear shaped for him with the other woman.

You deserve so much more and to be loved properly by someone who also deserves your love.

Could you relocate to another town so you can cut all ties with him, and have a fresh start. I don't think remaining in contact is going to help you at all, but its your choice, we can only try and help you.

But she loves him and is hoping that they will get back together and that is why she still in contact with him. He hasn't got her dangling on a string; he has told her that he wants to be with this other woman and he is but if there is any hope of a reconciliation, then she is willing to do that.

At this moment, she doesn't want a fresh start - that may come if he decides that he does want to make his life permanently with this other woman but until then, she is hoping the can work it out and get back together. I can totally understand what she is doing and is hoping that he will realise he has made a mistake and come back home.

Lunar_Eclipse

tinatony1 wrote: »

i cant hate him, i just cant

But one day, chances are that you will.

It's really interesting to me that you still feel the way you do. I had a boyfriend, not a husband, years ago when I was a teenager, who cheated on me and it was over the second I found out. I'm not sure that I hated him (he proved he wasn't worth it!) but my self pride kicked in and I never looked back.

It was hard and took a while to recover from, but was definitely worth it. There was on way on this Earth that I would ever have taken him in my arms again; I couldn't trust him and he had shown me that he didn't love me by his ultimate act of betrayal. What annoyed me the most is that I didn't like to admit what he had done to other people, like it reflected badly on me!

I know I'd be exactly the same with my husband, even though we have two children. I won't do betrayal at any cost, even if it means I'd lose the love of my life. Who needs enemies with friends like that? For me, life is too short.

However, I have had two close experiences of other people willing to take their unfaithful spouses back. I think we must be naturally wired one way or the other.

tinatony1

i think you may be right lunar eclipse, i was like you i always said that if i was cheated on that would be it, no looking back the end, i wouldnt be treated like that but now that it has happened well, how much of a mess am i ??

in some ways i am still getting something what i want from this arrangement though, it is in my interests for him to take me into work as i cant afford the bus fares and it is my interests still to go to pool as i still get to see some friends and get out away from cr** telly once or twice a week

maybe it is in my nature not to give up even when it is hopeless, i never have in the past, i feel that if i give up now then i will be letting all the bad feelings take a good and proper hold of me and i dont know if i can take that at the moment

Lunar_Eclipse

tinatony1 wrote: »

i think you may be right lunar eclipse, i was like you i always said that if i was cheated on that would be it, no looking back the end, i wouldnt be treated like that but now that it has happened well, how much of a mess am i ??

in some ways i am still getting something what i want from this arrangement though, it is in my interests for him to take me into work as i cant afford the bus fares and it is my interests still to go to pool as i still get to see some friends and get out away from cr** telly once or twice a week

maybe it is in my nature not to give up even when it is hopeless, i never have in the past, i feel that if i give up now then i will be letting all the bad feelings take a good and proper hold of me and i dont know if i can take that at the moment

Well it's your life. No-one would begrudge you doing whatever makes you happiest in the circumstances.

Bogof_Babe

If you are still going to pool together then I assume "she" is not tagging along! Presumably your mutual friends are now in the picture? I can only imagine they must be thinking what the heck is he playing at, and perhaps they might even be saying as much to him.

It may add to his feelings that he has made a big mistake. We can only hope so.