I just do not know what to do

alyth

men are such evil pigs, aren't they! Mine walked out on me 18 months ago (after 15 years and through working things out via facebook turned out he's been having an affair, they're now living in the house we had together with their kid!

However, things happen for a reason. I cannot strongly enough advocate the three good things approach to life. Six weeks after ex left me I moved into my own cottage, the day I was moving I was made redundant from a fantastic job. I lurked for a year through temp work, trying to total my car as I thought life was so bad, and I read that on a site and it always stuck with me. There's a really good american website called first30days which I subscribe to, kind of if you're trying to get into a habit or lose a habit then 30 days is the time it takes to make/break that habit.

Sorry, rambling on! Anyway, I do a thing in the morning that what three good things do I have to look forward to - at 6.30 when I am sitting outside having a cigarette! Over a glass of wine before I go to bed I reflect back on my day - what happened, good or bad, how I dealt with them, and I always do the three good things.

These days I am on an access course studying highers at uni and have a verbal acceptance for my chosen degree course - english and history at the grand old age of 39. Tina I can promise PROMISE YOU that in a year or 18 months time you will look back on this period of your life and realise that it was a learning curve. I did some stupid things when we split, like always contacting him, etc and I shouldn't have done it but I obviously did it for some reason!

Hugs, the one thing I would also say is keep your dignity - I always did and what goes around comes around, ex is a pariah in the village now, bint cannot even walk the baby without someone giving her nasty looks! I have nothing to do with either of them, quite frankly I'm too worried about writing an essay on the social reforms of the Liberal Government in 1906!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger - all these cliches really are true, you will find the real Tina soon and you will be better and cleverer and a much better person. Ex used to tell me I was stupid, 2 OU courses passed and a verbal at uni has done wonders for my confidence!

tinatony1

Well i didnt really do too well on the 3 good things, in fact i had another massive cry last night

where the hell do all the tears come from, doesnt help that i am coming down with some sort of cold, feel quite rough.

am not looking forward to the weekend at all, i used to love weekends, now all it is is just lonliness.

i am sorry but i am on a real downer today, just cant seem to pull my self out of it it all just feels so pointless

neneromanova

Have you got any pets or anything? If not, why not go buy a dog? S/He will keep you company and be THE most loyal person to you. You might even find yourself talking to him/her which might make you feel better. I would say get a cat, but they're never around when you need them. Only when they need you. Although this might cheer you up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rb8aOzy9t4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOHvZjiDANg&feature=channel

tinatony1

I have a fish called eric, hes not so good at cuddling though :rotfl:i cant have any other pets because it is a rented house and we are not allowed them.

I know i am wallowing and i know i need to snap out of it and sometimes i am ok but at the moment

neneromanova

I can understand how you feel. Ok I wasn't married but I was pregnant. You just get over it somehow. It's hard to explain. Have you got any friends that aren't tied into his?

Also, how about moving? New place, new start, new life. You could move closer to work so you don't need his help at all. Then you could find somewhere who allows more than fish

*Big hugs though*

salesaddict

You are not wallowing Tina, you have a perfect right to feel how you feel.
There is so much good advice on here I only wish I could add to it.
I hope you will feel better and that the weekend won't be as bad as you fear.
x

lilmissmup

alyth wrote: »

men are such evil pigs, aren't they! Mine walked out on me 18 months ago (after 15 years and through working things out via facebook turned out he's been having an affair, they're now living in the house we had together with their kid!

Yeah I found out the real truths about my ex thanks to Facebook, first time I unblocked him I should have learned when I saw some stuff but the other night was the final straw after seeing all these messages from the freak he met on Second Life who put loads of stuff about the amazing night they had....weirdo, its not real if shes in america and pretending she is someone else just like he is, if she knew how screwed up he really was she prob wouldn't be interested :rolleyes:

I would try move out if you can hun, I moved out 3 weeks after we split, the house I have now is not ideal but at least its mine and although he has been here its not got any good memories of us in it.

I wish you could have a pet, me and my ex had two cats who now both live with me as he is in a bedsit.....go him again! :rolleyes:

I was lucky to find a landlord that knows about them and although it did cost me a little more deposit and it was a bit weird at first as they were "ours" I am very glad of the company they give me, we all sleep on the bed at night

ZarZar1990

Hi Tina, just wanted to check how you were.
The 3 positives a day thing is a big help, also, get stuck into some good books that aren't anything to do with love and romance (I used harry potter when I was broken up with) this completely takes your mind away from the situation.
Also, stuff like The Simpsons, anything funny really will help you.
Self help books do really help too, taking pride in your appearance, fighting your way out of debt, and just becoming strong again will help you, you will feel better eventually.
You won't even realise, the healing process is slow but it will happen.
xxx

tinatony1

I am not good at all today, i am really dreading the weekend, i just dont know what to do so i end up watching crappy tv all day. i am really beginning to doubt if i can actually do this, my every thought is of him and how i miss him so much, i miss the closeness of another person.

i thought it would get better and easier but it doesnt it has just got harder and harder

ZarZar1990

It will get easier, you're going through a normal process, which is grieving, you've got to do this for a while to feel better, and you will feel better eventually, it does take time though, get some good books.
Honestly, you will feel better eventually, have a nice long soak in the bath, dry your hair after and put make-up on, even if you're only staying in the house, it will make you fell better!
Keep going Tina, you'll feel better very soon