I just do not know what to do

Mely

Tina...there is also a thread in 'the arms' (i dont know if anyone has mentioned it to you before!). Its called 'Kizzy`s no looking back the 2nd', and this is a follow on thread from the original ones in which ladies and some men in a similar position to you speak about what they are going through, and how they are doing.I have followed that thread right from the original one at the beginning, and that started over a year ago. They have really been a tremendous support to each other even when at times they thought their lives where over, and they have helped each other through it. They are a wonderfull group of people, and i know a lot of them have felt isolated like you do, and they have chatted on the phone and given each other tremendous support and a shoulder to cry on.
Mel x

Mely

tinatony1 wrote: »

I dont think i did, i havent been swimming since i was about 15, not sure i would remember how anymore.

the thing as money is so tight there arent many options as bus fares to anywhere etc on top of costs etc just arent really possible

Sorry about that, im getting you confused with someone else! Its a difficult one with bus fares etc.

zztopgirl

tinatony1 wrote: »

How do you deal with the feeling of isolation though, weekends and nights are the worst when i often dont speak to another human being at all,
this is so alien to me, we were always together or with others, even when we werent together i would speak to him at least once or twice a day.

I always have the radio on now, cos i have no tv, if the house is silent, i start going stir crazy.

Try and get a pet if you can, a cat or even just some goldfish. I have my ferret and 2 goldfish.

Read self-help on the internet or read books or just write, sometimes the words can flow out when you arent expecting any.

Cos im not working at the moment, i set out a routine, then never have enough hours in the day to complete it. Today i want to rearrange more furniture, its theraputic!!! Start a new book, do some self-help, clean the ferret's cage, make a huge batch of meals and freeze some for when i *hopefully* start work. Have you thought about rearranging some furniture if its possible in your home? I moved my bedroom around 2 days after the split which was an enormous help.

Put on a face mask, dye your hair, put on some music and dance about, nobody will know so be ott! Housework is theraputic for me, although i may just be weird that way, when i left 1st husband many years ago, i cleaned the refuge from top to bottom, the staff loved it. Do you have any hobbies you could do, or maybe did years ago? My mum is nagging me to start knitting but i never enjoyed it.

Dont think that you are alone, arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible and seek out others in the same boat online. Im rebuilding my battered and shattered self-esteem/confidence/self-worth in any way i can, if i ever have to come face to face with ex, he will get a shock. My friends said he looked a right mess in court yesterday.

Are there any support groups in your area, where i live is very backwards, but they do have a singles support group, am also considering going back to church, just so i will see other people. Dont be afraid to look up friends you have lost touch with, i have re-made friends, some dont want to know anymore, but they arent worth keeping anyway.

You arent alone, i may be many miles away from you, but you are in my thoughts hunny, if you are ever sat alone, think of me doing the same thing! There are many others like us too dont forget.:A

Bogof_Babe

Is there anything you've wanted to do but been prevented by having your ex on the scene? Stay in bed all day, stay up all night, play music that he hated, go vegetarian, buy a pink hearth rug, etc. etc...? Now that you are a free agent, you will gradually find there are advantages as well as the down sides. Focussing on these and actually doing something different, rather than just wishing you could, can be very therapeutic.

For what it's worth, I think he is a total plonker and you are well rid, although obviously you can't see through the mists of misery just now. You will, and your sun will shine again. You have got this far, which shows how strong you are. One day at a time. xxx

BubbleFrogette

Hi Tina,

So sorry for your situation at the moment. I imagine thinking of Christmas is especially tough, but as a thought, maybe you could look at doing some volunteering over the festive period or on the day itself to take your mind off things? I know Shelter need people to help at soup and food centres for the homeless on xmas day and there are lots of other things that would get you out of the house and make you feel good about yourself. Just a thought.

Bubble xx

worriedsik

tinatony1 wrote: »

How do you deal with the feeling of isolation though, weekends and nights are the worst when i often dont speak to another human being at all,
this is so alien to me, we were always together or with others, even when we werent together i would speak to him at least once or twice a day.

Tina i know what this feels like i cried every wkend and worse on sundays for some reason ! i started going swimming , iam on a very low budget but i got a card from the local council which reduces the price to swim at the local pool maybee your council does similiar ? if you are on a low budget.

I joined college do do a course and it got me out meeting people, i got out my trainers and walked everywhere its amazing how much better you will feel when you start doing things , honest
i had to really really push myself out the door & when i got back from the walk/swim or college i would say to myself ' thank god i went ' the more time i spent in the house the more he was in my head ! & it gives you too much time thinking .
I honestly can tell you that i thought i would never ever recover but knew i had to
As the time goes on you will think less & less about him. one day at the begining off this weak in the evening he crossed my mind and i was surprised at myself that this had been the only time in that whole day !
At the begining he was taking up all my thinking time ( it will drag you down ) i caught flue and it took me wks to get over it
Please please try and get out and about find out the cost off the swimming ? and see if there are any discounts (it saved my life and got me through)

I truly felt how you do now , and now tina i wouldnt have him in a lucky bag ! you will feel like this too but only if you push yourself to move on

xx

worriedsik

ps.....do not take any help from him as i said already he is trying to ease his own guilt ! do not make it easier for him make it harder you go and make a better life for yourself that will be pay back enough xx

tinatony1

christmas is actually cancelled this year

i normally have everything done by now, i also normally cook loads of mincepies which i hate, at least i dont have to do that this year.

however i am not looking forward to it at all, it will just be me on my own, the worst thing is is normally have about 2 weeks off over christmas as the office closes and i have a great time organising everything and cooking and wrapping, but i wont have that this year.

so i am trying desperately hard not to even think about christmas at all

Money_maker

How are you today Tina? There's a thread on here about Christmas alone - turning it into a positive.

Chin up, girl.

nm123_2

ZZTopGirl - your post is lovely, brought a tear to my eye.

Tina - I was saw something on telly about being fed up / depressed that really stuck with me (from Oprah of all places :rolleyes::D) and that I think works...

Each day you have to think of and write down 3 good things*. Start off small; the good things might be "cried less today" or "got to work on time" or "had a shower without the water running cold" or "didn't hear from ex" or "boss fell over" or "enjoyed breakfast more than I thought". It can honestly be anything, but you must try have 3 good things by the end of each day.

Whether you stick a bit of scrap paper in your bag or keep a diary or come and tell us on here, this will help you to focus on positive things, no matter how small they are.

Would something like this help? I'll join in if you like? I wonder if others would too... We could even start a new thread?!? (me, getting carried away? never...)

It's quite hard to do, and requires some hard-thinking and isn't as easy as it sounds but I wonder if it might be good for you? Just a thought..

*It might be 5 things, but I figure 3 is a good start.